Bound By Destiny
by Shoshanna
Summary: The Powers have returned Buffy to fulfill her destiny. What no one counted on was the person she shared that destiny with or the depth of their connection. Buffy/Spike
1. Never Say Never

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the story. The characters are all borrowed, but I wish I did own them. I wouldn't mind having a Spike of my very own to play with...  
  
  
Author's note: This is yet another theory explored about Buffy's return. What I've been doing is taking all of the rumors that I've been hearing about how she might come back, and turning them into stories, twisted to fit my crazy B/S shipping mind of course. This story is focused more on what happens after she gets back and less on how she comes back. Hope you enjoy.  
  
  
  
  
  
Never Say Never...  
  
  
  
  
The two entities watched as the events unfolded before them. They were watching one of their greatest warriors fight for her life. They sat back with a grim satisfaction at the scene played before them.  
  
  
  
"Do you think that perhaps this is too much for her?" One of them asked.  
  
  
"She will be fine. Have faith." The other replied calmly.  
  
  
They watched as Buffy beat mercilessly on Glory and suddenly her human guise in the form of Ben emerged. Buffy stopped her assault and ran from the room.  
  
  
"She did not destroy the beast. She has failed the test." One of the entities said, shaking his head in disappointment.  
  
  
"In due time, Assam." The other one said, without emotion. "The test is not over yet."  
  
  
They continued watching as Giles stepped forward and smothered Ben until the last bit of life drained from him.  
  
  
"See, I told you. In due time." The calm one said with a smile.  
  
  
"But it was not the girl. She couldn't do it." Assam said in protest.  
  
  
"She was not supposed to. That was part of the test."  
  
  
Their attention moved back to the large crystal ball where they saw that the ritual had begun. They watched as Buffy freed Dawn and attempted to take her to safety. Dawn attempted to flee and jump into the portal, but Buffy stopped her.  
  
  
"Lynok, the ritual has already begun. She must let the energy be destroyed." Assam said as he watched.  
  
  
"There is another way, my brother. This is the truest test. If she is truly worthy, then she will know what she must do." Lynok replied, never taking his eyes off the events.  
  
  
Buffy spoke with Dawn and they watched as many tears were shed by the younger girl. All at once, Buffy took off running towards the portal. In a flash she leapt off the edge and plummeted through the energy and landed hard on the ground. Her broken body lay in a pile of rubble.  
  
  
Assam gasped as he saw the horror of what had happened.  
  
  
"It cannot be. What has she done?" He said with remorse, at the sight of their warriors lifeless body.  
  
  
Lynok only smiled with satisfaction.  
  
  
"She has passed the test." He said proudly.  
  
  
"Passed? But she is dead. The Powers must be crazy. We need her to fulfill the prophecies." Assam argued.  
  
  
"Do not question what the Powers have in store. Have faith." Lynok told his brother with irritation. "This is only temporary. She will be restored."  
  
  
"Restored?" He asked.  
  
  
"This test was necessary. It could be no other way. She was willing to die for love. Willing to sacrifice herself to save innocents. She has proven that she is worthy. The Powers could not be certain she could handle what is to come. That was the reason for the test." Lynok explained.  
  
  
"When will she return to fulfill her destiny?" Assam asked curiously.  
  
  
"All in due time." Lynok responded with a contented smile.  
  
  
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It had been two months since that fateful day at the construction site. Everyone was still reeling in shock and grief for their lost friend, sister, and would-be love. They were attempting to return things to a semi-normal state, but it was proving difficult.  
  
  
Giles had moved into the Summer's house to care for Dawn. With the councils help, custody had been transferred to him. Everyone knew that Buffy would have wanted that. Hank Summers was still unreachable. It appeared as if the man had simply fallen off the face of the Earth. So Giles had readily taken over the fatherly role with Dawn.  
  
  
Willow was devastated and read spell after spell trying to find some way to bring Buffy back. She knew that resurrections were wrong, but she felt she had to at least research it. Maybe there would be another way. A safe way. But in the end, she had given up, knowing that it was useless.   
  
  
Tara was back to normal mentally and worried for Willow. She knew what she had been doing, and urged her to just let things be. Buffy had been Willow's best friend and she had felt so guilty at her death. She knew that Buffy had counted on her to be the 'Big Guns' in the fight with Glory, and in the end, the only thing Willow accomplished was restoring Tara. She wished that she had been able to do more.  
  
  
Xander was completely shut down. He still tried to make jokes and be his normal self, but everyone could see through to the pain he was carrying. He had always loved Buffy. From the moment he saw her for the first time at school, he was instantly in love with her. He had moved on, and was very happy with Anya, but Buffy always had a special place in his heart. She was like a sister to him and he felt as if part of himself died that day.  
  
  
Anya did all she could to make him feel better, but he remained quiet and withdrawn most of the time. Neither one even mentioned the fact that Xander had asked her to marry him. Somehow, it just didn't seem right now. Maybe in a few months, but not now.  
  
  
Spike had been hit just as hard, if not even harder than any of them. Buffy had been his sole purpose in life, and now she was gone. Guilt, anger and sadness overwhelmed him. He tried to remind himself that he was supposed to be evil and soulless. Her death is something to shrug off, he tried to tell himself. But it was futile. He loved her, and now he had to live without her.  
  
  
The only other reason he could find to keep himself going was Dawn. He knew that Giles was now her guardian, and everyone looked out for her, but he still felt as if it were his duty to protect her until the end of the world. He intended to keep up his end of the deal regardless of whether or not Buffy was around to see it.  
  
  
Despite all of their grief and loss over the girl who had meant so much to everyone, they had to live on. That's what she had wanted. They had to live for her.  
  
  
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"The day is here." Lynok said happily, clasping his hands together with pleasure.  
  
  
"Why did we have to wait so long? Her friends have suffered so much." Assam shook his head sadly. He had a hard time with the Powers decisions. His spirit brother did not share his apprehension.  
  
  
"It was a necessary step. Suffering brings appreciation. They too, are being tested, for they all are integral to the prophecies. You let things affect you too much, Assam. These are merely players in a much larger scheme of things. Try not to become involved too much." Lynok scolded him.  
  
  
"I cannot help it." Assam said defensively.  
  
  
Lynok only shook his head in dismay. Then he smiled.  
  
  
"The time is now. She is being returned to her duty." He said as he watched the girl being restored in the Powers chambers.   
  
  
They watched as Buffy's body materialized in the graveyard, next to her own headstone. In a flash of light, the Powers restored her soul and returned it to her newly formed body. Her eyes opened with a start and she sat up with a bewildered expression.  
  
  
"They are just sending her back? And in that of all places? No explanation? She will not understand. No one will." Assam said as he watched the frightened girl.  
  
  
Lynok chuckled softly.   
  
  
"The Powers have a sense of humor." He said.  
  
  
Assam only shook his head.   
  
  
"Relax, brother. These are our greatest warriors. They will figure it out." Lynok said, trying to allay the fears of his worrisome spirit brother.  
  
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Buffy sat up suddenly frightened. She had no idea where she was. She looked around and noticed that she was in a graveyard. It was dark and she looked up at the moon shining brightly on her.  
  
  
"What the hell is going on?" She muttered to herself.  
  
  
She tried to stand, but her legs were shaky. She reached out to the nearby headstone to steady herself. She looked down at her clothes and realized that she was wearing the same outfit she had been wearing when she fought Glory.   
  
  
"Glory." Buffy said to herself, trying to remember what had happened with her. "Oh no...Dawn." The last thing she remembered was seeing Dawn on top of the tower. Had she saved her? Buffy couldn't remember.  
  
  
She leaned on the headstone for support as she tried to un-jumble her mind. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the headstone for the first time.  
  
  
Buffy Anne Summers  
1981-2001  
Beloved Sister  
Devoted Friend  
She saved the world a lot...  
  
  
Buffy gasped at the sight of the grave marker and she instantly felt sick.  
  
  
"This isn't happening." She muttered to herself, tears forming in her eyes. "What is going on here?"  
  
  
She pulled herself together and was able to stand on shaky legs. She had to get out of this cemetery. She had to find her friends and Dawn. Something very strange was going on and she needed to know what it was now.  
  
  
Does everyone think I'm dead? She thought to herself. Maybe I am dead? What if I'm like Bruce Willis in that 'I see dead people' movie? This is so not happening! She told herself.  
  
  
She walked slowly down the streets until she found her house. She saw that the lights were on and she made her way up the steps. She saw Giles' car in the driveway and wondered what he was doing there.  
  
  
She put her hand on the doorknob and tried to twist it open but it was locked. She looked around confused. She felt in her pockets for her keys, but found nothing. She wondered if she should just knock. Her heart was beating fast and she could feel it thumping in her chest at an insane rhythm.   
  
  
I'm not dead. Dead people don't have heart attacks and I think I'm gonna have one. She thought to herself.  
  
  
She reached out and knocked on her own door. She held her breath and waited. She heard footsteps and then Dawn's voice called out. Buffy sighed in relief, knowing that Dawn was obviously safe and alive.  
  
  
"It's okay, Giles. I'll get it." Dawn called out loudly just before she opened the door.  
  
  
The door swung open and Buffy stood there expectantly waiting. Dawn saw who it was and her eyes grew wide. Buffy smiled and started to say something, when Dawn screamed and slammed the door in her face. Buffy stood there with her mouth open, totally baffled.  
  
  
I am a ghost. She thought to herself. Dawnie looked as if I was some sort of three headed monster.  
  
  
She heard Dawn's screams and then the sound of Giles' voice.  
  
  
"What on earth is going on? Dawn, what is it? Who was at the door?" He asked the hysterical girl.  
  
  
"It was Buffy!" Dawn managed to blurt out.  
  
  
"That's impossible." Giles said, trying to be calm.   
  
  
He went to the door and threw it open. Buffy stood there with a blank expression on her face. Giles returned her confused stare. Finally Buffy spoke.  
  
  
"Uh, what's going on?" She asked him.  
  
  
Giles only stared at her, while Dawn peeked out from behind him, too freaked out to do or say anything.  
  
  
"Buffy?" Giles asked, wiping a tear from his eye. It couldn't be her. There was no way.  
  
  
"Yeah, it's me. What is going on? Did you know that there's a headstone in the cemetery with my name on it?" She asked him, wanting badly to know what was happening.  
  
  
"Buffy?" Dawn said, as she emerged from behind Giles. She had tears running down her face.  
  
  
Buffy saw the tears and quickly moved past Giles to her sister.  
  
  
"Dawnie, it's me. Why are you crying?" She asked as she touched her sisters face. Dawn flinched slightly and Buffy turned to Giles. "Will someone tell me something besides my name. I already know that. Why are you acting as if you saw a ghost? I'm not a ghost... am I?" She added, suddenly completely unsure of herself.  
  
  
Giles took a deep breath and closed the door behind them.  
  
  
"Buffy, I-I don't know what to say. Is it really you?" He asked, perplexed by the turn of events.  
  
  
"Yes, it's me. Why wouldn't it be me? Giles, I'm really starting to get freaked out. What happened?" Buffy asked, with tears springing to her eyes.  
  
  
"You died, Buffy. A few months ago. You-you jumped off the tower and closed the portal. You died so I didn't have to." Dawn said, through her confused tears. She couldn't believe that her sister was back. Things like this don't happen. People don't just come back from the dead.  
  
  
"I-I died? Are you sure? Cause, I don't feel dead. Giles? I really died?" She asked, becoming panicked.   
  
  
He grabbed her arm and ushered her to the couch. Dawn followed them cautiously. He sat her down on the couch and turned to face her.  
  
  
"Yes, you died. That is if in fact you are who you say you are." He said, becoming quite skeptical about who this person was in front of him.  
  
  
"What? You don't believe me? Giles? It's me. I'm not dead!" She said, suddenly angry. She couldn't believe that the man she loved and trusted as a father would even hesitate to know who she was.  
  
  
"I'm sorry. It's just that...Well, this is most unusual. I-I don't know what to think." He said, sitting down across from her and covering his face with his hands.  
  
  
Buffy started to cry. She wanted answers and she wanted them now. If she had died, then why was she sitting here? She turned to Dawn who was crying herself.  
  
  
"Dawn, you know it's me, right? It's me..." She said, trying to get through to her.  
  
  
Dawn looked at her sister cautiously, then moved forward to embrace her tightly.  
  
  
"Oh, Buffy! I missed you so much." She cried as Buffy held her tight.  
  
  
Dawn didn't know what to believe, but she knew what she wanted to believe and that was that everything had only been a bad dream. This was Buffy and she wasn't dead. She clung to her tightly.  
  
  
Giles watched and couldn't help but feel the emotion. He had no explanation for her return, but he found himself joining the sisters in their embrace.  
  
  
He finally pulled away and composed himself.  
  
  
"We need to call the others." He said.  
  
  
"What are we gonna say? 'Hey guys, guess what? Buffy's here and she's back from the dead'? They're gonna think we're on drugs or something." Dawn said.  
  
  
"Well, I'm not entirely sure that we aren't. But whatever it is that has happened, they need to know. We will figure this out." Giles said, getting up to make some very unusual phone calls.  
  
  
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"She's what?" Xander shouted into the phone.  
  
  
"What? What's wrong?" Anya asked him impatiently.  
  
  
"Are you sure it's her? Maybe Spike got lonely and had another Robo-Buffy built." Xander said into the phone in disbelief.  
  
  
"I hadn't thought of that." Giles said, scratching his head. He looked over at Buffy and Dawn on the couch and shook his head. "I don't think so. He wouldn't do that." Giles said, trying to convince himself.  
  
  
"This is Spike we're talking about. Of course he would do something like that. He already did it once." Xander said, getting irritated. If this was Spike's handiwork, he was gonna kill him. No questions asked. It didn't matter that he had helped them and was trying to be Mr. Nice Vamp, Xander would kill him.  
  
  
"Perhaps, one of us should pay him a visit, then." Giles said, silently hoping that it wasn't true. "But, if this is not his work, then we'll need to get to the bottom of this. I've already called Willow and Tara. They're on their way. You get Spike and let him explain himself, if he is indeed behind this."   
  
  
Xander slammed the phone down. He rubbed his eyes to push the unwanted tears away. He couldn't let himself believe that Buffy was actually back. It had to be a trick, or another robot. There was no way it was actually Buffy. He looked at Anya who was standing there anxiously waiting for the news that had upset Xander so much.  
  
  
"What's happening, Xander?" She asked.  
  
  
"I'm going to have to kill Spike." He said grimly.  
  
  
"Why?" She asked, still clueless.  
  
  
"Because, Giles said that Buffy was back and she was at their house. That can mean only one thing." He told her.  
  
  
"The Buffybot? But didn't that get destroyed?" She asked, not understanding.  
  
  
"Doesn't mean he didn't have a new one made." Xander told her.  
  
  
"Oh...Well, that's just creepy. I mean it was icky before, but now that she's dead, it somehow seems worse." Anya said, trying to absorb what he was saying.  
  
  
"You go over to Buffy's house, I'm gonna pay a visit to our little bloodsucking friend." He said, grabbing his keys and heading out the door.  
  
  
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Spike sat in his crypt smoking his cigarette. He knew he should go see Dawn, just as he did every night. He liked to make sure she was getting by okay. Not that he expected her to be okay, but he had to make an effort.  
  
  
She was the only part of Buffy he had left and wasn't going to let anything happen to her. The other Scoobies continued to tolerate him, and Giles had allowed him to visit her. The watcher had reluctantly allowed Spike to fulfill his promise to Buffy. Willow had been the most comforting. She had seen his pain and didn't dismiss it.  
  
  
She knew how much he had loved Buffy, and she was his greatest ally aside from Dawn. It was at her urging that Spike was allowed to remain part of the group, and although patrolling wasn't the same without their Slayer, they had still managed to make an attempt at it a couple of times recently.  
  
  
Spike's thoughts were shattered by the harsh sound of his door being flung open wildly. He smiled at the sound because it reminded him of how Buffy always used to crash in on him, all fire and spark, ready to give him a good beating or to reluctantly ask for his help. His smile quickly faded when he saw Xander marching toward him, looking none too pleased.  
  
  
"Something wrong?" He asked him, suddenly worried that something happened to Dawn.  
  
  
"Oh, you could say that." Xander said angrily grabbing Spike by his shirt.  
  
  
"Hey, watch the shirt! What the bloody hell is your problem?" Spike asked him irritated.  
  
  
"Don't act like you don't know why I'm here. We found out what you did." Xander said with disgust.  
  
  
"Let go of me!" Spike said, pulling out of Xander's grasp. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Whatever it is you think I did, please fill me in."  
  
  
"I know about the robot." Xander said, ready to kill.  
  
  
"The robot? Everyone knows about the bloody robot. You're just now getting it? Boy, you are slower than I thought." Spike laughed at him, not having any idea why he was bringing that up now. That was ages ago.   
  
  
"No, I mean the new one. The one that's sitting at Buffy's house right now, claiming to be Buffy back from the dead." Xander told him angrily.  
  
  
Spike stood there in a state of shock. He had no idea what this bloody idiot was talking about. He had made no other robot. He wouldn't dare. He learned his lesson the first time. Buffy herself had made him see the error in that brilliant plan.   
  
  
"What?" Spike asked, still reeling.  
  
  
"You heard me. Now, fess up. Did you make another sexbot? I know you're evil and all that, but how could you do this to Dawn?" He asked, his rage building. If this was all just some sick joke, he didn't think he could handle it.  
  
  
"I didn't make another 'sexbot'. I have no idea what you're talking about. What do you mean Buffy's at her house back from the dead? Are you tryin' to torture me?" Spike asked him, trying to comprehend the thought of Buffy being alive again.  
  
  
"You honestly don't know anything about this?" Xander asked, starting to realize that the vampire was clueless.  
  
  
Spike shook his head and sat back down in his chair. He lit another cigarette and ran his fingers through his hair.  
  
  
"Buffy's back?" He asked finally.  
  
  
Xander watched as Spike sat there completely numbed by that bit of information.  
  
  
Xander's anger melted away at the sight of tears springing involuntarily to the vampires eyes. Xander tried not to notice.  
  
  
"I guess she is back." Xander said, shaking his head, afraid to believe it. He had thought for sure that Spike was behind this whole thing, but he could see now that he wasn't.  
  
  
"Come on. We've got to get over there." Xander said to him.  
  
  
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"I am not a robot." Buffy said exasperated.  
  
  
Everyone except Spike and Xander stood in the Summer's living room staring at Buffy. No one had any idea what to believe, least of all her. Everyone was telling her that she was dead, but here she was, sitting in her own living room, breathing and talking and getting more upset and confused each minute.  
  
  
"B-but, the robot didn't think she was a robot either." Willow said, still trying to find an explanation for her friend to be sitting there.  
  
  
"That's true. Good point." Anya chimed in.  
  
  
"Guys, it's me. I don't know what else I can say. If I did die, I'm back now, for whatever reason. Giles, why don't you break out some of your trusty books or call the council? Anything! Find out what happened, but I am not a robot!" She said, getting up and pacing around.  
  
  
Xander and Spike walked up to the house neither knowing what to expect when they entered.  
  
  
"What are we gonna say to her?" Spike asked, suddenly nervous. He still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that Buffy was alive and inside that house.  
  
  
"Uh, welcome back?" Xander shrugged with a nervous laugh. "I have no idea, Spike. I'm not used to people coming back from the dead. That's your specialty. What'd people say to you when you rose again?" He asked sarcastically.  
  
  
Spike thought a moment and realized that bit if information was best left unsaid. Somehow, 'let's go kill something' wasn't appropriate in this case. He shrugged.  
  
  
"Welcome back, it is then." He muttered.  
  
  
They opened the door and walked inside. Everyone was sitting around and Buffy was pacing back and forth in the middle of the room. Xander and Spike stopped short and stared at her. She certainly looked like Buffy, they both thought, relishing the sight of her.  
  
  
She turned to look at them both.  
  
  
"Xander!" She cried out and went to hug him.  
  
  
Xander stood there stiffly, but soon returned her embrace.  
  
  
"Buff...Man, it is you." He said softly into her hair.  
  
  
Spike stood back and watched as she hugged Xander. He was nearly ready to pass out at the sight of her in front of him. All he wanted to do was shove the boy out of his way and grab her into his arms and kiss her frantically. He knew that would be a dumb move, so he stood there silently. He leaned onto the wall for support as it felt as if his legs would give out.  
  
  
Buffy pulled away from Xander and looked into his eyes.  
  
  
"Tell them that I'm not a robot." She pleaded with him.  
  
  
"She's not a robot, guys." Xander said to them with a smile.  
  
  
"I told you!" Buffy exclaimed, relieved that somebody believed her.  
  
  
Finally Spike could stand the silence no longer.  
  
  
"Hey Buffy." He said softly.  
  
  
She turned to look at him and saw the stricken look on his face. She thought that she even saw the glint of tears in his eyes. Her heart ached just a little bit for him.   
  
  
"Spike." She said calmly, trying not to show any emotion.  
  
  
He noticed her indifferent tone and took a step back. She still hates me. She has no idea how much I've missed her... He thought to himself sadly.  
  
  
"Uh, welcome back." He said awkwardly, silently cursing himself for being so stupid.  
  
  
She smiled at him, then quickly turned away. She would not let the sight of him affect her, she scolded herself. The night she had invited him back into her house, she had been weakening around him. She found herself being drawn to him and she hated it. She had even forgotten that he wasn't invited into her home anymore.  
  
  
It had seemed so natural to have him around. When he had told her that he knew he was a monster and that she'd never love him, her heart had wrenched. She wanted so badly to tell him that he wasn't a monster, not anymore, but she couldn't say it. Instead she only looked at him. I'll tell him later. She had said to herself. We'll talk later once this whole mess is over and I can think straight. Only apparently, she never had that chance.  
  
  
Everyone sat down once more and tried to fill Buffy in on everything that had happened since she had been gone. Giles was on the phone to England demanding answers from the council that they either didn't have or weren't willing to share. Finally after a long and tiring conversation, Giles finally received the information he was seeking. He hung up the phone and walked back into the living room.  
  
  
Everyone looked up at him expectantly.  
  
  
"So, what's the verdict? What sort of freak of nature am I this time?" Buffy asked, almost afraid of the answer.  
  
  
"Well, the council wasn't very forthcoming, but finally they managed to shed some light on this matter." Giles said, furrowing his brow and removing his glasses and wiping them nervously.  
  
  
"And?" Buffy asked eagerly.  
  
  
"Well, it seems there is a prophecy." He started reluctantly.  
  
  
"Oh great. I just love those." Buffy said sarcastically.  
  
  
"Yes, well, this one supposedly talks of a great warrior that death cannot stop. It seems that this warrior shall be tested and if she passes the test, she will rise once more ready to fight the coming darkness." He said quietly, trying to explain the information he was given.  
  
  
"Rise again? Coming darkness? Why do I not get a warm fuzzy feeling about this?" Buffy said nervously.  
  
  
"It would appear that this warrior is you Buffy. The Slayer. I suppose that the fact that you sacrificed yourself to save Dawn and well, the rest of the world, it looks as if you passed the test." He said shaking his head in disbelief. The Powers that controlled the council were beyond comprehension to him. It all seemed so unfair.  
  
  
"And I didn't even study." Buffy mumbled, still trying to the information to heart.  
  
  
"This is good, though right?" Dawn asked. "I mean, coming darkness? Not as nice. But Buffy's really back, right?"  
  
  
"Yes." Giles said with a half hearted smile as he watched his Slayer absorb the news of the prophecy.  
  
  
Dawn quickly grabbed Buffy and hugged her tightly. Buffy returned her affections, but couldn't help but be alarmed about this prophecy.  
  
  
"Giles, did they say when this coming darkness was? Cause, you know, I'm not really up to another apocalypse right now. Didn't we just stop one of those?" She asked with a weak smile, trying to lighten her heavy heart.  
  
  
"Well, I don't believe there's any cause for alarm just yet. It was indicated that it was not for several years, but it is coming. And when it does, we will deal with it." He told her, trying to be of comfort.  
  
  
"Yeah, Buff. We'll be ready." Xander piped in with a comforting smile.  
  
  
"A couple of years? Guess that means I'll be around for awhile, huh?" Buffy said with a small smile.  
  
  
"Looks like." Xander told her with a smile as he hugged her again.  
  
  
They all sat in the Summer's living room until morning came. Spike was the only one who ducked out before sunrise. He had been watching Buffy all night in silence. He had so much he wanted to say to her, but he knew now was not the time. There probably never would be a time.   
  
  
He had gotten up off the couch when he noticed that it was nearly morning.   
  
  
"Guess it's time for me to leave." He said quietly.  
  
  
Dawn had noticed how quiet he had been and knew it was only because he didn't know what to do or say. She knew how much he loved her sister and they had talked about her so many times since she died. She knew that seeing her again was tearing him up inside.  
  
  
Buffy saw him stand to his feet and stared at him.  
  
  
"I'll walk you out." She said finally, knowing that she needed to talk to him. She had been trying very hard to ignore him all night, and to ignore the pain that was so clearly written on his face. She had wanted to say something, and just as before, she said nothing. But something needed to be said, she urged herself.  
  
  
They walked to the door and they stepped outside.  
  
  
He turned to face her with sad eyes. She smiled at him.  
  
  
"Spike...I just wanted to say thanks." She told him quietly, knowing that wasn't all she wanted to say, but it was a start.  
  
  
"Thanks for what?" He asked he quietly, forcing himself not to look at her or get too close. He didn't think he'd be able to hold himself back from touching her.  
  
  
"Thanks for helping us that night, and thanks for looking out for Dawn, you know, even after..." She trailed off, her thoughts muddled.  
  
  
"I promised you, didn't I?" He told her as his eyes finally met her gaze.  
  
  
"Yes. You did." She said, trying to get a hold of her emotions. She knew he must have been upset by her death. She could see it in his eyes. She knew he was holding back for her sake, and that thought made her hurt just a little.  
  
  
"Well, Buffy, it's good to have you back." He said, trying to hold it together and not knowing what else he should say to her. He turned and began to walk away slowly.  
  
  
She watched him walk sullenly away and she moved after him. She grabbed his arm lightly to stop him. He turned to her and questioned her with his eyes.  
  
  
"Spike...Remember what you said to me at my house that last night?" She asked him nervously, knowing she shouldn't be saying this, but also knowing that she had to.  
  
  
"Which part, Luv?" He asked, waiting for her to twist the knife a little more in his back. He was wondering if she was going to give him confirmation that she'd always think of him as an unlovable monster.  
  
  
"The part when you said you knew you were a monster and I'd never love you." She said softly, not wanting to hear herself speak.   
  
  
"I remember." He said calmly, steeling himself for her rejection again.  
  
  
"Well, you're not. A-a monster, that is." She said nervously. "I don't think of you like that anymore." She looked away from his piercing eyes.  
  
  
He only looked at her not sure if his ears were hearing things correctly.  
  
  
She finally looked up at him and smiled. She saw the surprise in his eyes.  
  
  
"Don't make me regret I said that." She said, trying to break the energy that had formed between them. She was suddenly aware of how close they were standing to each other and she back away slightly.  
  
  
"I won't." He said softly, wanting more than ever to kiss her.  
  
  
She stared at him, the awkward silence was deafening to both of them. She finally moved close to him again and reached up kissed his cheek softly. He melted at the feel of her soft lips on his face and it took every ounce of willpower that he had not to grab her and ravage her with his own lips. She pulled back much too quickly for him and he stood there gaping at her with a smile spread across his lips.  
  
  
She smiled at him and backed away slowly. She turned around and walked up the steps. He stared after her, still in awe of what she had said to him and what she had done. He slowly turned to walk away, when she called out after him again. He turned around.  
  
  
"One more thing." She said, with her back still to him. She wasn't sure that if she looked at him, she'd have the nerve to say what she wanted to say.  
  
  
He stood there hanging on her words expectantly.  
  
  
"What's that, Luv?" He asked with a smile.  
  
  
She took a deep breath and silently cursed herself. She glanced over her shoulder at him.  
  
  
"Never say never, Spike." She said and with that, she was gone. She hurried back into the house before he could even respond to her.  
  
  
He stood outside and noticed that the sun was beginning to turn the sky pink with its momentary arrival. He didn't want to leave but knew that if he burst into flame now, it would sort of ruin whatever it was that was happening with Buffy.  
  
  
He turned and ran away, trying to beat the sunrise. All he could think of was how completely surreal the whole evening had been. Only a few hours ago, he had been sulking in his crypt mourning for his lost love, and now she was back. And not only was she back, but she had given him the one thing he had always wanted. Hope.  
  
  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
  
  
Lynok and Assam watched as the Slayer and the vampire talked outside of her house. They saw her kiss him gently, then run back into the house. Assam turned to his brother.  
  
  
"What is happening there? What does the vampire have to do with all this?" He asked.  
  
  
"Everything is unfolding as it was written. He is vital to the prophecy, Assam. His strength is needed, and his devotion to our Slayer will bind him to her forever, just as it was foretold." Lynok told him, becoming impatient with his brother's incessant questions.  
  
  
"But a Slayer should be working to eradicate vampires. This one has known love with a vampire before."   
  
  
"And she will again." Lynok said with a smile.  
  
  
"But is it not wrong? He does not align himself with us. Won't he endanger the mission?"  
  
  
"He aligns himself with her. His love for her is his guide. He is a fierce protector, and will serve nicely to keep our Slayer safe until the time comes for her to fulfill her duty. The Fates decided it long ago. The balance between good and evil must be kept and the two of them together create that perfect balance."   
  
  
Assam nodded his head in understanding.   
  
  
"Now that their paths are merging, we can sit back and know that things are progressing as they should. Have no fear, the Powers know what they are doing." Lynok smiled as he waved his hand over the crystal and the images disappeared from view. Their work was complete for now.  
  
  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
  
It had now been nearly a month since Buffy's unexpected return from the beyond. At first, things were a little awkward. Everyone was trying so hard to act normal, but mostly they were failing. Eventually, things got a little less surreal and everyone slid back into their routines.  
  
  
Giles had had a hell of a time trying to convince the courts that Dawn's sister had not actually died. The paperwork was a nightmare, but the council finally stepped in after Giles threatened to fly all the way to England just to strangle them all. It got their attention. They had some official papers drawn up stating that Buffy's death had been faked because of a top secret undercover operation for the council.   
  
  
Buffy was now officially alive again and everyone was gathered at her house to have a little party for her.  
  
  
"Only in Sunnydale would anyone throw a 'Welcome back from the dead' party." Xander said with a smile.  
  
  
"You can say that again." Willow said nodding her head. "This is all still so weird. But in a good way." She smiled at Buffy.  
  
  
"I know you guys had a major wiggins when I showed up, but I'm glad you've all stopped staring at me like I was an alien or something." She told them, relieved to have things back to normal.  
  
  
There was a knock at the door, and Buffy looked up wondering who it was. Everyone was already there. She looked at Dawn who smiled sheepishly.  
  
  
"I-I invited Spike." She told Buffy.  
  
  
Buffy looked at her and felt her heart start racing. She had seen him a couple of times since the night she got back. She had asked him to come along on patrol with everyone else a few times. Neither had said anything to each other about what had happened, and Buffy preferred it that way. At least for now. She still didn't know what she was feeling.  
  
  
"Oh...Well, I'll get the door." Buffy said nervously, unsure of seeing him in any kind of social setting.  
  
  
"Why'd you ask him to come?" Xander asked Dawn with an irritated look. He still didn't like having Spike around, even though every else seemed okay with it.  
  
  
Xander thought it was fine to let him help, if that's what he wanted to do, but inviting him to their party and being buddies with him was not his idea of fun.  
  
  
"Because he's Buffy's friend too Xander." Dawn said with an irritated sigh.  
  
  
"She's right. Cut him a break. He missed her too." Willow said, in defense of Spike. She knew that he had mourned Buffy's loss deeply, even if he was a vampire. Willow still felt bad for him and she knew he was trying to do good. Not always succeeding, but definitely trying and that counted for something.  
  
  
Xander just rolled his eyes. He couldn't help but feel that it was a mistake to let him into their lives. He knew the way Spike felt, but he still didn't trust him. Just because he loved Buffy didn't make him a cool guy. It didn't make him a guy at all. He was still a vampire. Buffy had done the whole 'I'm in love with a vampire' thing before. He silently prayed he wasn't going to get a repeat performance.  
  
  
Buffy went to the door and opened it slowly. Spike stood there smiling at her, and her heart leapt into her throat.  
  
  
Don't let him get to you...He's not that attractive. She tried to tell herself. Yes he is! Look at him. Why did you not see it before? Because you were too busy hating him and wanting him dead...She argued with herself back and forth in her mind.  
  
  
"Uh, hi." She said, not knowing what else to do.  
  
  
"Can I come in?" He asked with a smirk. "Or do I have to stay outside all night?"  
  
  
"I've already invited you in. You don't need to ask again." She told him.  
  
  
He continued smirking at her.  
  
  
"Well, yes Luv, I realize that, but you're standing in the doorway. So unless you'd like me to pick you up and toss you out of my way, you're gonna hafta' move." He told her.  
  
  
She instantly felt like and idiot and felt herself getting flustered around him. She laughed a nervous laugh and moved aside and motioned him in.  
  
  
He breezed past her, trying to act like it wasn't killing him being near her. She watched as he walked into the room where the rest of her friends were talking and laughing. She took a deep breath and followed him.  
  
  
"I'm glad you're here, Spike." Dawn said with a smile.  
  
  
"Wouldn't miss it." He told her.  
  
  
"So who wants pizza?" Willow asked everyone.  
  
  
They all sat around talking and catching up. It was a good time for everyone. Xander and Spike had even shared a few laughs together. Buffy smiled when she looked around the room and saw all the people that she loved. And it was true, she did love them all. Every single one of them... She thought to herself.   
  
  
Later on, everyone was worn out. It was nearing midnight and Buffy turned to Dawn.  
  
  
"It's way past your bedtime, kiddo." She told her as she brushed the hair out of her face.  
  
  
"Buffy, I'm not nine. I can stay up late and stuff." She protested.  
  
  
"No, Dawnie, She's right. It's late. We should all be going anyway." Willow said, noticing the sleepy look in Tara's eyes.  
  
  
"I'll walk you guys to the door." Buffy said getting up.  
  
  
Xander and Anya followed them all to the door. They said their goodnights and Xander hugged Buffy goodbye. Over her shoulder, he saw Spike still sitting on the couch talking to Dawn.  
  
  
"Bleach boy is leaving too, right?" He asked.  
  
  
"Don't worry Xander, he's leaving." Buffy rolled her eyes, knowing how protective Xander could be.  
  
  
"See ya tomorrow." He told her with a smile as he walked out the door.  
  
  
Buffy walked back into the room to see Dawn and Spike talking in hushed tones. When she walked in, they quickly stopped talking. She knew they were talking about her and it made her uncomfortable.  
  
  
"So, where's Giles?" She asked them.  
  
  
"He went to go make tea. You know, he's British and all. He can't sleep unless he has his tea." Dawn said rolling her eyes.  
  
  
"Well, you should get to bed yourself. It's late." Buffy told her.  
  
  
Dawn started to protest, but then she saw the look on Spike's face, urging her to leave them alone. She smiled a knowing smile and looked at Buffy.  
  
  
"Right. I'm totally tired. I'll be going now." She said as she gave Buffy a hug and ran up the stairs.  
  
  
Buffy watched her go and suddenly panicked realizing that she and Spike were alone again. She looked at him nervously.  
  
  
"So...alone at last." He said with a smirk.  
  
  
"Yeah..." She said trying to think of something to say.  
  
  
She stood there looking down at her feet, knowing that she needed to tell him to leave, but for some reason the words were not coming. He noticed her awkwardness and wished that she wouldn't be so uncomfortable around him. He didn't want to make her feel that way, he only wanted to make her happy.   
  
  
"So, you wanna go for a walk?" She asked him.  
  
  
"A walk?" He asked, not expecting that question.  
  
  
"Yeah. I think I just need to clear my head or something. I mean, you don't have to go...If you have something else to do..." She said, wishing she could back out of her invitation.   
  
  
"Right. I do have a pretty busy schedule for tonight, but I can try to squeeze you in." He said sarcastically.  
  
  
"Shut up and let's go." She said, teasing him for making fun of her. "Let me just tell Giles that I'm going out."  
  
  
She went into the kitchen and found Giles sipping his tea.  
  
  
"Buffy. Are you going to bed now?" He asked.  
  
  
"Actually, I'm gonna go for a little walk. Just need to clear my head a little. I mean, it's not everyday a girl gets to be guest of honor at a 'Welcome back from the dead' bash. I just need to think, you know?" She told him with a smile.  
  
  
"Do be careful. I don't want to have to throw another party like this one." He said with seriousness in his voice.  
  
  
"Don't worry. Spike's coming with me." She said softly.  
  
  
"I see. Well then, still be careful." He said, knowing that his Slayer was softening towards the blonde vampire. He had to admit that they all had. After Buffy had died, Spike had been so devastated that none of them could help but feel sorry for him.  
  
  
  
Buffy said goodnight and walked back out into the living room. Spike stood there waiting for her casually. He was trying to act cool, as if it didn't matter one way or the other that they were going out alone together. He wasn't about to make any move on her for fear of ruining whatever this was. He had learned his lesson. If she wanted him, then she'd have to be the one to make that move. Until then, he was gonna be cool.  
  
  
They walked outside and headed down the street slowly. At first they didn't talk at all, but then finally Buffy spoke.  
  
  
"Spike?"  
  
  
"Yes Luv?"   
  
  
"What was it like without me around?" She asked, knowing it was a stupid question, but one she had been curious about. She didn't want to ask anyone else, but Spike was always honest about things.   
  
  
"What was it like?" He asked, thinking her question odd.  
  
  
"Yeah. I mean, was Dawn okay? She wasn't mad at me or anything?"  
  
  
"Mad at you? What for? For saving her life?" He asked.  
  
  
"No, I mean for leaving her alone. I-I know I didn't have a lot of choices, but I did the one thing I thought was best, but I still worried that she would be alone." She said sadly.  
  
  
"Well, she wasn't alone. She had Giles, and your friends...and me. Now, I know that I'm no substitute for a big sis, but I tried."  
  
  
"I know you did. She told me all about it...She also told me how upset you were..." She said, knowing he probably didn't want to talk about it, but she did. Dawn had told her how Spike had broken down and cried in front of everyone. She had also told her how they would talk for hours about her.  
  
  
"Course I was upset, Buffy." He said stopping to face her. "You were everything to me...You still are. I hoped you'd realize that by now." He said softly.  
  
  
She looked away from him, his emotion too raw on his face. It hurt her to see it.  
  
  
"I do realize." She said softly.  
  
  
"When you died, I felt as if I had died all over again. I wanted to give up. You had been my reason for everything, Buffy. Without you...well, I just didn't see the point anymore." He told her seriously.  
  
  
She stared at him and felt a tear starting to fall from her eyes. Before she could wipe it away, he reached up and did it for her. She felt her knees go weak at the touch of his cool hand across her cheek.  
  
  
She wanted to run away from him, and from the feelings she had that were so wrong and so scary for her. She wasn't supposed to care about him. She told him time and time again how much she despised him. Now she realized she told him so much because she had wanted it to be true so badly. So much so that she had to repeat it over and over in order to convince herself.  
  
  
But she had hated him, that much was true. But that was such a long time ago. Things had changed a lot, and her feelings had changed. She wasn't sure when, but somehow and some way she had come to rely on him. She didn't know how it happened. She could hear herself telling him that she despised him, and yet when she was in trouble and needed help, he was the first place she ran to.  
  
  
She couldn't deny that. The fact that he would still help her even after everything she said to him, made her realize just how deep his feelings ran. And no matter how hard she tried to avoid it, she somehow always ended up back at him. That fact only proved to her that her feelings ran deeper than she knew or would care to admit.  
  
  
He watched the emotions on her face as he touched her cheek. He could see that she was conflicted. He wished that she would just take that chance with him and stop worrying about everything. He wanted to tell her that, but he couldn't.  
  
  
She leaned up to him and brushed her lips across his. He stood there frozen, too afraid to move because then the moment would be over. He felt her body move closer to his and no matter how hard he tried to fight it, he couldn't stop himself from grabbing her tightly and pulling her into a deeper kiss.  
  
  
She was startled at first by his arms encircling her tightly, but soon she was lost in his kiss. A kiss that had started out so gentle was now fraught with passion. She wanted to push him away, but her body wouldn't allow it. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him even closer to her.  
  
  
Finally she regained some of her senses and pulled away from him abruptly. She stood there panting as she looked into his eyes that were so obviously filled with desire and longing.  
  
  
So this is what he meant by heat and desire... She thought to herself.  
  
  
"I have to go now." She said quickly, trying to get out of the situation before she did anything else she was going to regret. She turned around and walked away from him.  
  
  
He couldn't believe she was leaving him now after that kiss. It didn't make sense.  
  
  
"Buffy!" He called out after her.   
  
  
She turned around and faced him.  
  
  
"What?" She asked, trying to be calm and trying desperately to pretend that the kiss was not a big deal. Trying to convince herself that it hadn't made her knees weak and her heart beat out of her chest.   
  
  
"You're just gonna go now? After that?" He asked dumbfounded.  
  
  
"It's really late and I'm tired. I'll see ya around though." She said with a nervous smile. She knew she was being terrible. She had been the one to kiss him after all, but somehow it was just easier to pretend to herself that she didn't want this. That she didn't want him. She turned and walked again. He started to get irritated, but then his irritation turned to amusement.  
  
  
She was playing with him. Making him suffer, he thought. If she wants to play, I can play. He told himself.  
  
  
He called after her again.  
  
  
"You're killing me, Summers. You know that don't you?" He said with a smirk.  
  
  
She turned around and smiled coyly.  
  
  
"I know." She told him as she walked away from him. Then she muttered to herself, "You're killing me too..."  
  
  
He watched her go and couldn't contain the smile that spread across his face. He was in the game, that much was for sure. What game it was she was playing, he wasn't sure, but he was definitely in.  
  
  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
  
Another month had passed since Buffy's return, and things seemed to be pretty much as they were before everything had happened. Giles had decided to move out of the Summer's home and get a place of his own again.  
  
  
Buffy had told him that he was welcome to stay as long as he wanted. She told him that it was his house now too, but he thought it would be best if he were on his own again. He didn't want to feel as if he were intruding into the girls space. Plus, now that Buffy was back, he didn't feel it was necessary for him to be there any longer.  
  
  
Tonight Buffy was alone in the house. Dawn had pleaded with her to let her spend the night at a girlfriends house and Buffy had agreed to it. She was actually looking forward to a nice normal evening alone.  
  
  
She had rented several old 80's movies and was lounging on the couch painting her toenails when the there was a knock at the door. She thought it might be Willow, because she had told her to stop by if she wanted. Will had told her that she and Tara had a special evening planned, but if anything changed she'd come hang out.  
  
  
Buffy strode carefully to the door trying not to ruin her half painted toenails. She was dressed only in a skimpy tank top and boxer type shorts. She was alone, so comfort was her only concern. Her hair was pulled into a messy ponytail on top of her head.  
  
  
She pulled open the door with a smile expecting to see Willow.  
  
  
"You changed your mind." She said as she opened the door.  
  
  
She saw Spike standing there with his mouth open at her outfit which showed a lot more of her than he usually saw.  
  
  
"Changed my mind about what, Luv?" He said with his trademark seductive grin.  
  
  
Her eyes widened in surprise that it was him and quickly jumped behind the door so that he couldn't stare at her.  
  
  
"Spike. What are you doing here? I thought you were Willow." She said, flustered.  
  
  
"Sorry to disappoint. I just saw that the light was on, thought maybe you wanted to do a patrol or something." He told her, knowing that he had only wanted to see her. Patrolling was just an excuse.  
  
  
"Oh... Well, no. I'm just gonna hang out tonight. Dawn is at a friends house, so I'm just watching some movies." She told him, still self conscious about her outfit and the fact that her hair was a mess. Not that he was looking at her hair.  
  
  
"Oh...you're alone, are you?" He asked suggestively.  
  
  
She looked at him and smiled, knowing exactly what he was thinking.  
  
  
"Ben and Jerry will be coming by later though." She said with a small laugh.  
  
  
"Who?" He asked, immediately feeling his jealousy rising. Then he understood what she meant. "Oh, Ben and Jerry. You mean the ice cream? I get it." He said his seductive smile returning.  
  
  
"Yeah. Ice cream..." She said meekly, her attempt at humor going down in flames. She wished he would just go away. Being around him complicated things too much for her. She wanted him to stay, but she knew it was wrong.   
  
  
"So...Guess I'll leave you alone with your 'friends'." He said, sensing that she wasn't going to let him in.  
  
  
He waited for her to say something, anything. But she didn't, so he turned away to leave. She watched him and sighed. She didn't want him to go. Sooner or later she was going to have to face up to what she was feeling. She knew that, but she had been desperately trying to prolong it.  
  
  
"You can join us if you want. Ben and Jerry aren't much for conversation." She said with a small smile.  
  
  
He turned and met her gaze. A smile spread across his lips as he walked back up to the door.  
  
  
"I thought you'd never ask." He said oozing sex appeal.  
  
  
She took a deep breath and allowed him to come in.  
  
  
Keep hold of yourself, Buffy. Don't do anything you are gonna regret. She said to herself. Too late...  
  
  
He walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. She hung back in the doorway. She looked back down at her outfit and wondered if she should put something else on, but shrugged and figured he'd already seen her, so what the hell?  
  
  
"So what sort of movies are we gonna watch?" He asked her, still unable to take his eyes off the way her tank top clung to her every curve.  
  
  
"Umm, just some old stuff. You know, nothing you'd like." She said awkwardly.  
  
  
"Okay." He said shaking his head. He noticed that she was still standing in the doorway. "Are you gonna stand there all night or are you gonna sit down?" He asked her.  
  
  
She shrugged her shoulders and moved to sit in a chair as far away from him as possible. He rolled his eyes at her.  
  
  
"What?" She asked defensively.  
  
  
"You. Do you not want me here or something? Cause if you don't then just tell me. I don't have the plague or anything." He said, with amusement tinged by a little irritation.  
  
  
"I know that. It's just...Forget it." She said giving up and moving to the couch next to him, but still at a safe distance.  
  
  
He only shook his head. Sometimes he just didn't understand her, but it was part of her charm. He loved the way she wrinkled up her nose when she was thinking about something. She was doing it now, and he watched her intently.  
  
  
"Well, start the show already." He said handing her the remote.  
  
  
She took it from him and flipped the movie on. They sat there together, trying to concentrate on the movie, but neither one were really paying attention. Spike was acutely aware of her body sitting next to him. All he could think was that he still couldn't believe she was actually here.  
  
  
He had mourned her death so deeply and had resigned himself to the reality that he'd never see her again. Never touch her, never hold her, and never kiss her. Of course he knew that even if she hadn't died, he most likely wouldn't ever get the chance to do any of those things either. But here he was with her. She had kissed him the other night, and before that she had told him the three little words he'd been dying to hear. Never say never she had said.  
  
  
Buffy wished she could just turn off the feelings she was having. He was sitting there staring at the television, and all she could do was look at him. She knew it was wrong to feel this way. She knew that the more time she spent with him, the more she really saw him. She had started to see beyond the monster and see the man that was inside.  
  
  
She liked the man. Not only was he extremely easy on the eyes, he was also funny and smart. He was tough and confident, and when he let down his guard, he was extremely sensitive and sweet. When he cared for someone, he'd die before ever letting anything happen to them. He was definitely devoted and loyal. But he's still a vampire. He may act like a man, and talk like a man, but he isn't, she tried to remind herself.  
  
  
She sighed and decided to continue painting her nails. He watched as she opened the small container of nail polish and propped her foot up on the coffee table.  
  
  
"What are you doing?" He asked.  
  
  
"What's it look like?" She said rolling her eyes at him.  
  
  
"I know, but that color? Pink? Isn't that a little... I don't know, girly?" He asked her with a smile.  
  
  
"Well, duh? I am a girl. What would you have me paint them? Black like you?" She said sarcastically.  
  
  
"No. Red would be nice." He said with a smirk, unable to take his eyes of her small perfect feet.  
  
  
"Why? Because it reminds you of blood?"   
  
  
"No, it's just sexy is all." He said honestly.  
  
  
She didn't know how to respond to that except to look away from him uncomfortably.  
  
  
"Well, I like the pink." She muttered.  
  
  
He shook his head and smiled at her.  
  
  
"You know if I had realized that we were going to be painting our nails, I would have brought my own polish. I could use a touch up." He said examining the chipped black polish on his hands.  
  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes.  
  
  
"You know it's lame for a guy to wear nail polish anyway, Spike." She told him.  
  
  
"It is not. Not if it's black. It's cool." He said defensively.  
  
  
"No, it really isn't."   
  
  
"Please...It makes me look tough and dangerous." He scoffed at her.  
  
  
She laughed at him.  
  
  
"Is that what you think?"   
  
  
"It doesn't?" He asked seriously.  
  
  
"No." She told him through her laughter.  
  
  
She sighed and put her polish down and picked up the bottle of remover that sat on the table. She grabbed a cotton ball.  
  
  
"Come here." She said to him, saturating the cotton with the remover.   
  
  
He moved closer to her and she took his hand in her own. He couldn't help but shiver at her gentle touch. She took the cotton and started wiping away his old polish. He sat there still, allowing her to do her work. When the last trace of black was gone, she let go of his hand and smiled up at him.  
  
  
"See? Now that's better." She said to him.  
  
  
"Are you sure it wasn't cool before?" He asked her.  
  
  
"Positive." She said with a smile. "I'm gonna go wash my hands. We'll talk about your hair later." She muttered as she got up to go to the kitchen. She needed to get out of there. Being so comfortable and close to him was starting to make her dizzy. As she had held his hands, she couldn't help but feel the electricity between them.  
  
  
He watched her go and smiled. Then he registered what she had muttered about his hair.  
  
  
"Hey! What's wrong with my hair?" He called out after her.  
  
  
She disappeared into the kitchen without answering. He sat back and waited for her, a million thoughts running through his head. She was treating him like a person and it made his heart ache for her even more.  
  
  
She returned from the kitchen with her container of Ben and Jerry's. She plopped down on the couch next to him and stared at the television. They were watching the Breakfast Club. She tried not to look at him, and concentrated on spooning the cold ice cream into her mouth. Being so close to him had suddenly started to make the room feel a little too warm and she hoped that the coldness of the ice cream would refresh her.  
  
  
He looked over at her and smiled. He was silently wishing he could be that spoon. He moved a little closer to her and tried to focus his attention back onto the movie.  
  
  
"I've seen this before. It's pretty good." He told her, indicating the movie.  
  
  
"Yeah, it's like a classic." She said absently.  
  
  
"That Judd Nelson character, now he's cool. See, he's a tough guy not wanting to take any crap from anyone. That's the kinda guy I respect." He told her.  
  
  
"Yeah, but it's all an act. Underneath, he's not so tough." She told him, suddenly realizing that there were some parallels between Spike and the character on the screen.  
  
  
"Still, he's cool. And look? The snooty beautiful girl can't help but want him, even though she knows it's wrong." He said looking at her pointedly.  
  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes.  
  
  
"Are you trying to get at something?" She asked.  
  
  
"No. Just that girls like bad boys, that's all." He said with smirk.  
  
  
"Not all girls." She said, wishing it were true in her case but it wasn't.  
  
  
He looked at her and shrugged. Clearly he wasn't getting anywhere with this analogy. He sat back and continued to watch her slowly eating her ice cream. He wanted her so bad he could taste it. Being this close to her and not touching her was making him crazy. She took another bite.  
  
  
"Is it good?" He asked softly, never taking his eyes off her. He knew that his presence was affecting her and he was enjoying it.  
  
  
"What? The ice cream? Yeah. It's kind of melting though." She said with a mouthful.  
  
  
"Can I try it?" He asked.  
  
  
She smiled at him and handed the carton over.  
  
  
"Knock yourself out." She told him.  
  
  
He took a bite of the melting ice cream.  
  
  
"You're right. It is good." He said handing it back.  
  
  
She took the spoon and took another bite. Some of it dripped on her chin and before she could wipe it off he reached out and wiped it away with his finger. She stared at him feeling the heat that was growing between them. Everything about him was sexy and she knew that he knew it.   
  
  
He licked the ice cream off his finger and smiled at her.  
  
  
She gulped and thought about jumping up and running out of the room, but for some reason she was paralyzed. He figured it was now or never, so he'd better just do it. He leaned into her and pressed his lips against hers. She felt his tongue run gently over her lips and she held her breath. He pulled away and looked at her.  
  
  
"It tastes even better that way." He purred to her.  
  
  
She sat there in silence, too stunned and too excited by him to do anything. He leaned into her again and this time he kissed her harder. At first, she wanted to push him away, but it didn't take long to forget all about that. The ice cream container dropped to the floor making a messy puddle. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer.  
  
  
He shifted his weight so that he was half on top of her and pressing her back into the couch. An involuntary moan escaped her throat which only furthered his excitement. His lips broke free from hers and he kissed his way down her neck. She closed her eyes tightly and felt herself shudder at the feel of his cool lips and tongue trailing down her flushed skin. She grabbed his hair and pulled him back up to meet her mouth.   
  
  
He was in complete and utter heaven. The feel of her body crushed beneath his was almost too much to bear. He wanted her so badly he was hurting. He ran his hand down her back and shifted it forward until he felt the exposed skin of her stomach. He ran his hand over her skin and brought it up underneath her tank top.  
  
  
She felt his hands exploring her body and she was almost numb with pleasure. She wanted him. She knew it was wrong and yet she somehow couldn't seem to care. She reached her own hands under his shirt and ripped it over his head. He closed his eyes in sheer pleasure at seeing her so excited by his touch. He kissed her harder, his tongue exploring her mouth passionately. The were lost in each other and neither wanted to be found.  
  
  
Just then, the doorbell rang shattering their moment of bliss. Spike jerked his head up in surprise at the intrusion and he saw Buffy's eyes grow wide.  
  
  
"Ignore it." He whispered to her as he kissed he again.  
  
  
She wanted to but now all she could think about was the person standing outside.  
  
  
"It could be Willow." She said to him, pushing him away slightly.  
  
  
"So? She'll go away." He said, trying to make her forget with his lips.  
  
  
The doorbell rang again and she heard Xander's voice.  
  
  
"Buffy? Are you in there?" He called out.  
  
  
"Oh my God! It's Xander!" She cried out, shoving Spike off of her frantically.  
  
  
He fell to the floor with a thud.  
  
  
"Ow!" He cried out with a perplexed look on his face.  
  
  
"Get up! Put this back on!" She said tossing his shirt to him, and nearly tripping over his feet as she ran to the door.  
  
  
She turned and looked at him desperately.  
  
  
"Xander cannot know about this...Whatever this is. Keep your mouth shut." She said firmly.  
  
  
He smirked at her and pulled his shirt back on as she opened the door.  
  
  
"Hey, Buff, you are in there." Xander said with a goofy smile. "Anya and I wanted to see if you wanted to go to the Bronze with us."   
  
  
He looked at her disheveled appearance and got inquisitive look on his face.  
  
  
"Oh, um, I don't think so. I'm just sorta hanging out watching movies tonight." She said nervously.  
  
  
"Is something wrong?" He asked curiously. She was acting nervous.  
  
  
"What's wrong with your hair? It's all messy." Anya asked.  
  
  
Buffy touched her hair and realized that it was in worse shape than before.  
  
  
"Oh, well I'm slumming tonight. You know, no makeup, messy hair..." She said with a laugh trying to cover her embarrassment.  
  
  
Xander started to laugh a bit when he noticed Spike sitting on the arm of the chair in the living room.  
  
  
"Well, you're definitely slumming tonight. What's he doing here?" He asked with irritation as he motioned at Spike.  
  
  
Buffy turned around and silently prayed he wasn't going to give anything away.  
  
  
"He just stopped by for a minute. He's getting ready to leave." She said turning to Spike, who only smiled but made no move to get up.  
  
  
"No, it's alright. I can stay." He said with a smirk.  
  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes at him and silently cursed herself for losing control before.  
  
  
Xander and Anya looked at each other then back at Buffy.  
  
  
"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Xander asked.  
  
  
"Yeah, we could wait while you make yourself presentable again." Anya said with a smile.  
  
  
"That's okay. Maybe tomorrow or something. I'll call you." She said impatiently, but with a smile.  
  
  
"Okay..." Xander said hesitantly.  
  
  
"Bye." Buffy said as she watched them walk down the walkway and she shut the door. She leaned against it and closed her eyes. What am I doing? She said to herself.  
  
  
  
Xander and Anya walked to their car slowly.  
  
  
"She was acting a little strange, don't you think?" Xander asked.  
  
  
"Very strange. But it was probably because she was embarrassed that we caught her having sex with Spike." Anya said thoughtfully.  
  
  
Xander turned to her sharply. Sometimes her brutal honesty was startling.  
  
  
"What? They were not having sex, Anya. Buffy wouldn't do that." He protested with disgust.  
  
  
"Sure they were. I know that look, Xander. And her hair? Please. That was bed hair." She said confidently.  
  
  
"Bed hair? What are you talking about? That was so not bed hair, that was just Buffy letting herself go a bit." Xander said forcing the unpleasant thoughts out of his head.  
  
  
"Whatever. Are we going dancing or not?" She pouted.  
  
  
"Yeah...let's go." He said, getting into the car. He never took his eyes off the house and couldn't stop his mind from wandering to the horrors that might be taking place in there.  
  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
  
Buffy slowly moved away from the door. Spike stood silently waiting for her return and what he hoped would be them finishing what they had started. She walked over to him with a vacant look on her face.   
  
  
She was too stunned by her earlier actions to say anything. Just looking at him now made her stomach flip nervously. She was pretty sure that Xander knew what she had been doing, with Spike of all people. My god! What had I been doing? She asked herself.  
  
  
Part of her was irritated that Xander had come by and ruined whatever it was that was happening, but then another part of her was relieved. He had stopped her from making a huge mistake, and she knew it.  
  
  
She looked at Spike who continued to stare at her, knowing she was again deep in thought. He moved closer to her and took her into his arms. He kissed her ear.  
  
  
"Now, where were we?" He whispered to her seductively.  
  
  
Momentarily she felt herself shudder at his touch but she forced herself to snap out of it. She nudged him away from her.  
  
  
"You need to leave." She said with a determined look.  
  
  
"What?" He asked confused.  
  
  
"Y-You need to go, Spike. We-we can't do this." She stuttered anxiously.  
  
  
"Yes we can." He said becoming annoyed with her.  
  
  
"No we can't. Or at least I can't. I don't know what I was thinking. I-I just lost my mind for a minute." She stammered, trying to be strong and not cave into the desire she was feeling.  
  
  
Spike was getting angry. He was getting tired of her games. Taking him to the edge only to yank him right back again.  
  
  
"What is wrong with you? Are you trying to torture me?" He asked her.  
  
  
"No, I'm not trying to torture you. I-I just can't do this." She said, hanging her head sadly.  
  
  
"And why the bloody hell not? You want it don't you? You want me. What are you so afraid of? Because it's wrong? Please. Or maybe you're afraid of what your friends will think? Is that it? To hell with them." He said angrily.  
  
  
"To hell with them? They are like family to me, Spike. They won't understand this. How could they? I don't even understand it. I'm not supposed to feel this way, don't you see that?" She cried. She felt her emotions that she had been hiding for so long, bubbling to the surface and she couldn't contain them.  
  
  
"Of course I bloody see that. You think I wanted to love you? You think I wanted to care at all about you and your stupid friends? No. I didn't. Of course this is wrong, but it doesn't mean it isn't happening. You may have denied it before, but you can't deny it now." He said heatedly.  
  
  
"Yes I can! This isn't gonna happen. I-I don't want you. I hate you! Don't you see?" She yelled at him.  
  
  
"You hate me? Didn't seem like it a few minutes ago when my tongue was in your mouth." He told her angrily, knowing he was pushing her buttons.  
  
  
"You're gross! Just get out!" She screamed.  
  
  
"I'm gross? It's the truth, isn't it? You wanted me so bad you were quivering. Why won't you just admit it?" He asked her furiously.  
  
  
She just stared at him with tears in her eyes. She knew he was right, but she wouldn't admit it. She hated how he always saw right through her.   
  
  
"Please, just go." She said softly.  
  
  
"No. I won't go! This is insane, Buffy. Sometimes you make me so furious!" He shouted at her desperately. He was tired of her indecisions.   
  
  
"Good! Go with that. Hate me all over again. See if I care! It's easier that way." She shouted.  
  
  
"You know what? You're right. It was easier that way." He said grabbing his coat and pulling it on quickly. "If you ever wake up and step out of denial land, let me know. But until then, I'm done."  
  
  
He brushed past her and out the door. He slammed it hard behind him and she winced.  
  
  
She sat down on the chair and started to cry. She was mad at herself for hurting him and leading him on, when she knew it wasn't fair. She was also angry because she didn't want to feel this way at all. She liked things better when she was blissfully ignorant of her attraction to him. She was comfortable insulting him and hitting him. Kissing him and wanting him, were not thoughts that made her comfortable.  
  
  
In fact they were downright scary. She was terrified. She was completely and utterly terrified of the feelings she had for him. But he was right when she said she couldn't deny it anymore. Something was happening and she was powerless to stop it. All she could do was hope it would go away if she ignored it long enough.  
  
  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
  
The next day Buffy sat at the Magic Box while Dawn did her homework and Giles worked in the back. Anya was happily tending to some customers hoping they were going to spend a lot of their precious money.  
  
  
"Buffy? What's wrong with you? You look all pouty today." Dawn said, noticing her sisters sullen look.  
  
  
"What?" Buffy asked, lost in thought.  
  
  
"Earth to Buffy...What's wrong with you?"  
  
  
"Nothing...It's just...never mind." She told her sister.  
  
  
"Come on. You can tell me." Dawn said with a comforting smile.  
  
  
"I just...Spike and I had a fight." She finally said.  
  
  
"A fight? Like you beat him up or something?" Dawn asked.  
  
  
"No, more like the yelly, screaming sort of fight."  
  
  
"Well, that's nothing new, Buffy. You're always yelling at him." Dawn said with a small laugh.  
  
  
"This was different Dawnie. It's too complicated. You wouldn't understand." She told her sadly.  
  
  
"Why? Cause I'm too young? I know stuff. I know lots of stuff." She said defensively.  
  
  
"No...you wouldn't understand because I don't even understand." Buffy tried to explain.  
  
  
"Try me."  
  
  
"Just forget it." Buffy said, trying to get her off the subject.  
  
  
"Fine, it's not like Spike won't tell me later anyway." Dawn said casually.  
  
  
"What?" Buffy asked.  
  
  
"We're like friends and stuff, Buffy. He tells me everything, especially about you. In fact, that's all he likes to talk about." She smiled.  
  
  
Buffy knew she shouldn't be surprised at this bit of news. She knew that they had become close while she was gone. She still wasn't real comfortable knowing that Dawn had grown so attached to him, but she knew that Spike adored Dawn. Buffy sighed and looked around to make sure no one else was within listening distance. She turned to Dawn.  
  
  
"Fine, but you have to promise not to tell anyone what I'm about to tell you." She whispered.  
  
  
"Oh, a secret! I swear I won't tell anyone." Dawn said excitedly. "Did you have sex with him?"  
  
  
Buffy nearly choked at Dawns question and she looked at her surprised and horrified.  
  
  
"What? Dawnie, no!" She said not comfortable with her baby sister even saying the word 'sex'. Also, she was alarmed at how close she was to the truth. She added softly, "We didn't get that far..."  
  
  
"Oh my god! What happened?" Dawn asked with excitement.   
  
  
"Well, we kissed but that was it. Then Xander came over and we stopped." She said, not sure that she should be telling her this at all. She was just a kid.  
  
  
"That's so cool. So are you guys like together now or something?" She asked, pleased that her sister had finally come around.  
  
  
"No, we aren't. In fact I think he hates me again." She said sadly.  
  
  
"I seriously doubt that. You said you had a fight. What was it about? I mean, first you're kissing him and then somehow it ended in a fight?" Dawn asked confused.  
  
  
"This is Spike, Dawn. Every time we're together it ends up in a fight." Buffy said.  
  
  
"That just proves that there's a lot of passion." Dawn said matter of factly.  
  
  
Buffy stared at her surprised.   
  
  
"Where did you hear that?" She asked.  
  
  
"Well, Spike told me."  
  
  
"Figures..." Buffy muttered. "Look, I can't be with him Dawn. He's a vampire, I'm a Slayer. These sort of things are just doomed for failure. Remember? I've been there before." She explained.  
  
  
"This is different. It doesn't have to be doomed. Buffy, come on. He loves you so much. He like totally fell apart when you died. So what if he's a vampire? I mean, I would totally kill to have a guy love me that much." Dawn told her seriously.  
  
  
"But..." Buffy started.  
  
  
"No. No 'buts'. Do you love him, Buffy?" She asked her sister.  
  
  
"I-I don't know. Maybe?" She answered.  
  
  
"Then you should take that chance. Buffy, you died and you got a second chance. Don't waste it. A lot of people never find love. You're lucky because you have it sitting right in front of you but you're too scared to experience it. Stop being scared and start living again." Dawn told her earnestly.   
  
  
Buffy eyed her sister suspiciously. She smiled at her.  
  
  
"When did you get so wise and grown up and good at giving advice?" She asked her.  
  
  
"I had to grow up a lot lately." She said quietly.  
  
  
Buffy hugged Dawn tightly and kissed her forehead.  
  
  
"Thanks for the advice. You know, you should really write your own column or something." She smiled.   
  
  
Just then Xander walked into the shop. He walked over and kissed Anya on the cheek and let her continue on with her customers. He saw Buffy and Dawn sitting at table talking. He walked over.  
  
  
"Hey beautiful ladies. Mind if I join you?" He smiled.  
  
  
"Sure. I need to go get something to drink though. I'll be right back." Dawn said getting up.  
  
  
Xander looked at Buffy and smiled. He took a deep breath and sat down across from her.  
  
  
"So...Any deep, dark secrets you wanna share?" He asked prying her for information. He couldn't stop thinking all night about what Anya had said to him about Buffy and Spike.  
  
  
"Huh?" Buffy asked with a confused expression.  
  
  
"It's just last night...Things seemed a little off..." He said, trying to keep from flat out asking her what was going on.   
  
  
He looked at her and noticed she didn't really appear to be listening to him.  
  
  
"Buffy?" He asked.  
  
  
She saw Giles emerge from the back room and she got up to see him.  
  
  
"I need to talk to Giles for a minute." She said absently as she walked away from Xander.  
  
  
Xander shook his head.   
  
  
"Damn! She's avoiding me now. She knows that I know her wicked little secret." He muttered to himself.  
  
  
  
Buffy walked up to Giles. She wanted to talk to him. He was the closest thing to a parental figure that she had and right now she needed someone wise to talk to. Someone to talk some sense into her. Dawn meant well, and she really wanted to believe what she said, but she remained skeptical.  
  
  
"Giles? Can I talk to you?" She asked quietly.  
  
  
"Sure, Buffy. What is it? Are you upset by something?" He asked concerned by the grave look on her face.  
  
  
"It's just that my whole life is in total chaos." She sighed. "Can we go somewhere private?"   
  
  
"Of course." He said ushering her to the empty training room.  
  
  
They walked in and he looked at her with concern.  
  
  
"What's wrong, Buffy?"  
  
  
"Giles...I am so stupid." She said, not knowing entirely where to start or what to say.  
  
  
"Stupid? Why?"  
  
  
"It's Spike. He's just driving me crazy. I mean, he's always hanging around complicating things for me. I tell him to leave me alone, but I really don't want that. But then I think, he's a vampire, Buffy. Wake up! You shouldn't be letting him get to you. But he does get to me...Ugh! I can't believe I'm saying this to you. I wish the ground would just swallow me up right now." She ranted to herself. She turned to face him. "Giles...I think I love him." She finally said with a sigh.  
  
  
Giles listened patiently as she finished her nearly incoherent tirade. She lost him at first, but he definitely understood her last desperate statement. He rubbed his temples and lowered his head. He sighed and looked at her.  
  
  
"Buffy, I already know. I mean I suspected this might happen." He said calmly.  
  
  
"What? You knew and didn't even think to tell me? I didn't even know until just now." She said flabbergasted.  
  
  
"Buffy, it's alright." He said calmly.  
  
  
"No. It's not alright. Giles...You're supposed to be my level headed voice of reason. You're supposed to smack my hand and say 'Bad Buffy!' But instead you say it's 'alright'?" She said getting irritated and more confused. She had expected Giles to flip out over her confession and instead he said that he already knew.  
  
  
"Buffy...sit down." He said seriously.  
  
  
"Why? So you can give me a good talkin' to? Slap some sense into me?" She asked hopefully.  
  
  
"No. Listen to me. There are some things that I haven't told you." He said hesitantly.  
  
  
"Oh, I don't like the sound of this..." She said worried.  
  
  
"You remember the prophecy?"  
  
  
"Of course. It's the whole reason why I'm sitting here miserably confused instead of peacefully pushing up daisies."  
  
  
"Well, I had the council send me a copy of this prophecy. I-I wanted to study it further. They hadn't wanted to send it, but that's beside the point. I read it over carefully."  
  
  
"Am I going to die again? Cause that's getting a little redundant." She said sarcastically.  
  
  
"No you aren't going to die again. The prophecy talked about the balance of good and evil. It stated that love would forge an unlikely alliance between the darkness and light. It talked of a dark warrior merging sides with the light and that this union would create the proper balance in order to defeat the coming darkness which they spoke of." He tried to explain to her.  
  
  
"The what merging with the who? I'm lost. What does this have to do with anything?" She asked dumbfounded.  
  
  
"Buffy, you are the light. I wasn't sure who the dark warrior was but I had my suspicions. I think that it may be Spike. He certainly is an unlikely ally and his love for you has forged this alliance, so to speak. A long time ago, after he first got the chip, I had my suspicions that he had a higher purpose. I proposed the idea to him which he of course scoffed at. But, now I do believe that this prophecy is indeed referring to him. To the both of you." He told her hoping that he was making some sort of sense.  
  
  
"Let me get this straight. Spike and I were meant to be together? Like fate or something?" She asked, trying to grasp the thought.  
  
  
"Well, yes, in a way. I suppose so." He said apprehensively.  
  
  
"Well that sucks! I mean, why him? Why couldn't it be some nice normal guy? And who writes these stupid prophecies anyway?" She said getting up and starting to pace nervously.  
  
  
"Buffy..." He started, knowing she was having a hard time understanding.  
  
  
"No. I just don't get it. I mean, is my whole life already mapped out for me? Does it say what I'm going to have for breakfast tomorrow? Maybe it knows the winning lotto numbers too." She ranted.  
  
  
"Buffy, as you've proven before, prophecies are not absolute. If you detest the idea so much, then perhaps I misinterpreted it." He said, scratching his head.  
  
  
Buffy stopped pacing and sat down roughly.  
  
  
"That's just it. I don't detest the idea." She said sadly. "I don't detest him, I just don't want this to be something that was engineered by some higher power. I wanted it to be real..."  
  
  
"It is real. Destiny is real. There is a bigger plan for everyone, Buffy. Every choice we make, every action we take has a purpose. The prophecy didn't make anything happen. It merely states what is supposed to happen. You are always free to make your own choices. We all are. This is why it's not a good idea to be privy to this sort of information. I only told you now because I didn't want you to feel as if you were doing something wrong." He told her sincerely, wondering if had made a grave mistake telling her at all.  
  
  
She looked at him and sighed.  
  
  
"So what you're trying to say is that what I'm feeling isn't so strange. It was supposed to happen this way all along?" She said, calming down and trying to get used to the idea.  
  
  
"I would have to say yes." He told her, wiping his glasses nervously.   
  
  
"Guess it's a good thing we never managed to kill each other, huh?" She said with a tiny smile.  
  
  
"I suppose so." Giles said with an uncomfortable smile.  
  
  
"So you're cool with this? I mean, the whole 'me and Spike' thing?" She asked skeptically.  
  
  
Giles looked at her for a moment and sighed.  
  
  
"Well, 'cool' would not be the term I'd use... but if he indeed has a higher purpose, it very well might be up to you to help him along. Keep him on the path, so to speak." He told her hesitantly.  
  
  
"But what about the whole 'soulless vampire' thing? I mean, doesn't that mean he's still evil? Just because he can't hurt anyone doesn't mean he's good right?" She asked wearily.  
  
  
"Well, no. The chip doesn't make him good. But that's where you come in Buffy. Apparently, it's you that has that effect on him. It's almost as if you're his conscience. The truth is that even with the chip, he is still quite capable of doing harm. He's had plenty of opportunity to return to his evil doings. A perfect example is when Glory kidnapped him. It would have been extremely easy for him to give Dawn up. Instead, he endured hours of torture to keep her safe." He explained.  
  
  
"I know. I still can't really believe that." She said shaking her head.  
  
  
"I suppose what I'm trying to say is that if the prophecy is true and referring to him, then perhaps his changes are indeed real. I'm the last person who would like to admit that, but I have noticed."  
  
  
"But if it's me that's changing him, then when I died, he should have gone back to the way he was before, right?" She asked.  
  
  
"Well, no. Your memory was still with him. He told me about his promise to you, to keep Dawn safe. He said he intended to keep it regardless of whether or not you were there to see it. I must admit, I was a bit thrown. I expected him to merely disappear after you were gone, but he didn't." Giles said shaking his head.  
  
  
Buffy sat there absorbing his words. She still couldn't believe what she was hearing.  
  
  
"So, what should I do now?" She asked him sullenly.  
  
  
"I suppose you should do the only thing you can. Which is to follow your heart." He said softly. He wasn't sure how to feel about the situation. He didn't want Buffy getting hurt, and the fact that his Slayer had fallen for not one but two vampires, was certainly unusual. But, Buffy wasn't your usual Slayer.   
  
  
Buffy sighed and put her head into her hands.  
  
  
"I came to you to clear my head and now I feel worse than before." She whined.  
  
  
"I'm sorry. Perhaps I shouldn't have said anything." He said troubled with himself.  
  
  
"No. It's okay. I'm glad you told me." She said softly still not knowing what to do with the information.  
  
  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
  
Buffy and Dawn went home. After talking with Giles, Buffy somehow felt a little less guilty for her feelings, but still remained unsure about what to do. She knew that after last night, she really had to talk to him. He had been so hurt and confused by her throwing him out. She had wanted to run after him, but she hadn't.  
  
  
"You want me to make something for dinner?" Buffy asked as they walked into their house.  
  
  
"I'm not really hungry. I think I'm gonna go upstairs." Dawn told her.  
  
  
"Okay. Is all your homework done?" She asked.  
  
  
"Yes. You watched me do it at the magic shop, remember?" Dawn answered with a sigh.  
  
  
"Right. Okay." Buffy said absently as she sat on the couch.  
  
  
Dawn started up the stairs and looked back at her sister.  
  
  
"Why don't you just go and talk to him?" Dawn told her.  
  
  
"What?"  
  
  
Dawn rolled her eyes.  
  
  
"You don't have to pretend with me, Buffy. Just go see him and tell him how you feel. Stop being all mopey." She told her.  
  
  
"I can't leave you here alone." Buffy said, trying to make excuses.  
  
  
"Yes you can. I'm not a baby. I'm fifteen. You were already slaying vampires when you were my age, Buffy. I think I can manage being on my own for a few hours." Dawn told her defensively.  
  
  
Buffy sighed and stood up.  
  
  
"You're growing up too fast." She said with a smile. "I won't be gone long."  
  
  
"Yes you will. If you do it right, anyway." Dawn teased her with a smile.  
  
  
"Dawn!" Buffy said, surprised at her sisters comment.  
  
  
"Just go already."  
  
  
"Fine. I won't be long." She reiterated firmly.  
  
  
"Whatever." Dawn said with a smile, as she walked back up the stairs.  
  
  
**********************************************************************************************  
  
  
Buffy walked slowly to Spike's place. She wondered if he'd even want to see her. She knew she was driving him crazy with her mixed signals. But she was driving herself crazy too. She wondered if she should even mention the prophecy to him. She decided against it. She didn't want him to know.  
  
  
She came to his door and for a moment thought about knocking. Then she sighed and pushed it open quickly. Why tamper with tradition? She said to herself.  
  
  
Spike sat in his chair watching TV. He heard the door come crashing open and he sighed to himself. He knew she'd be back eventually. She always came back, but he wasn't expecting it to be so soon.   
  
  
"Spike?" Buffy called to him.  
  
  
"Miss me already? What do you want now?" He asked indifferently.  
  
  
"We need to talk." She told him.  
  
  
"Well, hurry up. Dawson's Creek is coming on. I don't want to miss it." He said casually, trying to irritate her.  
  
  
She walked over and flipped his television off. She stood in front of it and crossed her arms.  
  
  
"Forget about the TV. We need to talk about last night." She said determinedly.  
  
  
"I don't think there's anything left to say. You made it quite clear that you still detest me. I don't need a recap." He told her.  
  
  
"Look, I know I said some things..." She started to tell him, but he cut her off abruptly.  
  
  
"Yeah, you said some things alright. Look, I'm tired of this. Have you any idea what it is you're doing to me?" He asked exasperated.   
  
  
"What I'm doing to you?" She said angrily. "What about what you're doing to me?"  
  
  
He stood up to face her.  
  
  
"And just what is it that I'm doing? You know how I bloody feel about you. You're the one who's playing games with me, and I'm tired of it." He said irritated.  
  
  
"You want to know how I feel, Spike. I'll tell you how I feel. I'm angry." She said bitterly.  
  
  
"Angry? What the hell for?" He asked.  
  
  
"I'm angry because every time I'm with you I lose my mind. I hate that you have any effect on me at all. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I liked hating you. It was natural and easy. I'm angry because the more time I spend with you, the less I feel that hatred and that scares me." She told him angrily. "But most of all, I'm angry because I didn't want to fall in love with you..." She added softly, instantly wishing she could take the words back.  
  
  
"Fine! Be angry! If you want to hate me..." He started to yell at her, then he stopped. Her last words had just hit him. "Wait a minute. What did you say?" He asked her.  
  
  
"You heard me." She said crossing her arms tightly again.  
  
  
A smile crept to his face and he moved closer to her.  
  
  
"Did you say that you loved me?" He asked her.  
  
  
"No." She said nervously, looking away from him.  
  
  
"Yes. You did." He said with a smirk.  
  
  
"Okay. So maybe I did. So what?" She said with a sheepish smile. Nothing was ever easy with him. She couldn't even tell him that she loved him without getting defensive.  
  
  
"I want to hear you say it again, maybe this time with a little less contempt." He said with a satisfied smirk.  
  
  
She gave him a hard look, then she sighed and smiled at him.  
  
  
"I don't wanna." She said with a pout.  
  
  
He smiled at her and shook his head. She was impossible. But that's why he loved her so much. She was maddening, and it only made him want her more. He moved closer to her and leaned into her. He whispered in her ear.  
  
  
"Say it..." He told her, as he kissed her neck.  
  
  
She stood there trying not let the feel of his lips on her skin turn her to mush. She looked up at him and smiled. There was no denying it. She was crazy about him. She didn't want to be, but after talking to Giles, she realized that some things were just meant to be. Even if they didn't make sense.  
  
  
"I love you." She said softly.  
  
  
He looked at her longingly. He had wanted to hear those words from her lips forever. He couldn't believe that it was real, but it was. All of the anger and resentment he had been feeling earlier completely vanished. He reached forward and pulled her roughly into his arms and kissed her hungrily.  
  
  
She melted into him and it wasn't long before her remaining doubts drifted away. She had decided just to let fate take over. This was how it was supposed to be she thought to herself.  
  
  
She pushed him back into his chair and sat on his lap. He kissed her gently as she stroked his face. He looked into her eyes.  
  
  
"What took you so long?" He asked her playfully.  
  
  
"I don't know. Terror, maybe." She said with a laugh.  
  
  
He smiled at her.  
  
  
"You realize that only you could say the words 'I love you' with such hostility." He smirked at her.  
  
  
"What can I say? You bring out the worst in me." She teased him as she kissed his ear.  
  
  
He closed his eyes at the feel of her mouth on his ear. He moaned softly.  
  
  
"That's funny, because you bring out the best in me." He told her sincerely.  
  
  
She looked at him and remembered Giles' words about the prophecy. It's you that is changing him...She smiled and kissed him again.  
  
  
He pulled back from her and looked into her eyes. He had so much love in his heart for her. Love he never knew his dead heart could feel. But when he was with her, he felt alive again. Maybe he wasn't supposed to feel like this, but he did. And it was real.  
  
  
"I love you Buffy." He told her sincerely.  
  
  
"I know." She said softly, kissing him.  
  
  
"I think maybe I always have." He whispered to her between their kisses.  
  
  
"Maybe it was meant to be." She whispered back as her lips found his again, silencing all doubts from either of their minds.  
  
  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
  
  
  
Assam and Lynok looked on as the lover's discovered each other for the first time. Lynok smiled satisfied and waved his hand over the crystal, fading it back to black. It was best to give the lovers their privacy.   
  
  
"Tonight the darkness and light shall become one. Their fates will be sealed." Lynok said happily.  
  
  
"But I thought she would never love him." Assam said shaking his head at the turn of events.  
  
  
"Never say never, my brother. This is the way it was intended."  
  
  
"But are you sure their bond is strong enough to last?" He asked him.  
  
  
"Of course, my brother. As it is written, so shall it be." He told him with a smile. Everything would be just fine.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Confronting Destiny

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I merely borrow it to entertain myself and hopefully everyone else. Please don't sue me.  
  
  
Author's note: This is the sequel to 'Never Say Never'. A couple people asked me if I would continue it and maybe show what everyone's reactions were to the news of Buffy and Spike together. So, here it is. Hope you like what I've done with the place. Oh, and on a side note, I had a couple inquiries about why I didn't mention Angel and his gang's reaction to Buffy's return, and the answer is simply cause I didn't wanna go there. I love Angel but I'm a B/S shipper to the core, so I didn't want to delve into that. So let's just pretend that they all know she's back and were suitably shocked and happy.   
  
  
Rated R: for suggestive launguage. I thought I try a little of the spicy talk...  
  
  
  
  
Confronting Destiny  
  
  
  
  
Buffy had been back in the land of the living now for five months. It had been nearly three months since she and Spike had finally gotten together, and still she couldn't bring herself to tell everyone.   
  
  
Giles knew her feelings ever since the day they talked at the magic shop about the prophecy, but yet she had not spoken to him about it since. She figured he knew, but neither of them wanted to talk about it. And she knew that he had made no mention of their conversation or the prophecy to any of her friends.  
  
  
The only thing he had asked her was if she was happy. She had smiled at him and told him that she was. He seemed satisfied with that, and didn't ask for any details. He had figured she was a grown woman now, and certainly didn't need him meddling in her personal life. If she needed something from him, she would ask.  
  
  
Xander had tried to get her to spill on several occasions. She always avoided his indirect questions, until he finally gave up and figured that it was all in his head. Everything seemed normal, so he just figured that Anya and he had jumped to some crazy conclusions. At least he hoped so. Somewhere deep down he didn't even want to know.  
  
  
Dawn of course knew everything. She was happy for them. She knew that Spike was at their house all the time and she wasn't so naive that she didn't know what went on after she was supposed to be asleep. But she was cool with it. She liked having him around. To her, they were like a little family. But she knew that Buffy hadn't told anyone so she kept quiet.  
  
  
Tonight, Buffy and Dawn sat on their couch trying to figure out what to do with their evening.   
  
  
"Maybe we could go play mini golf or something?" Dawn proposed.  
  
  
"Hmm...Maybe. Or we could go to a movie or something?" Buffy said indecisively.   
  
  
"I guess." Dawn said, unenthused.  
  
  
They heard a knock at the door and Dawn got up.  
  
  
"I'll get it." She told Buffy.  
  
  
She opened it up and saw Spike standing there. She smiled wide at him.  
  
  
"Hey. Come in. We were just getting ready to go out." She told him.  
  
  
He walked into the room and saw Buffy sitting in a chair with the newspaper looking at movie show times. She glanced up and smiled, then went back to reading. He walked over to where she was sitting and put his arms around her from behind.  
  
  
"What so interesting, Luv?" He said into her ear.  
  
  
"I'm just trying to figure out what movie to see." She said absently.  
  
  
He kissed her neck and worked his way around to her lips and she laughed and pushed him away.  
  
  
"Give it a rest, loverboy. I'm trying to concentrate. Besides, my sister's virgin eyes are watching." She teased him.  
  
  
Dawn rolled her eyes and plopped down on the couch. Spike shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. He went and sat down next to Dawn.  
  
  
"So is this just a sister thing, or is there room for one more?" He asked.  
  
  
"I don't know. Do you wanna go?" Buffy asked, looking up at him.  
  
  
"Wouldn't mind." He said pretending to be uninterested. The truth was, he could barely stand to be away from her at all, so any excuse to spend time with her was fine with him.  
  
  
"Yeah, Spike. Come with us. It's always way more fun when you're there." Dawn said happily.  
  
  
"Hey! I'm fun." Buffy said pouting at Dawn.  
  
  
"Sure you are, Luv." Spike said sarcastically.  
  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes.   
  
  
They finally agreed on a movie and Buffy went to get her coat. She grabbed her keys.  
  
  
"Let's go. I wanna eat something before we go. I'm starved." She told them.  
  
  
Spike got up and took the car keys from her.  
  
  
"I'll drive." He told her.  
  
  
"I can drive, Spike. I've been practicing." She told him irritated. She had finally broken down and gotten a drivers license. Now that she was the head of the house, she figured she better learn to drive. But she was still not that good at it yet.  
  
  
"I've seen you drive, pet. We'd all like to get to the movie in one piece." He teased her.  
  
  
Dawn started laughing and Buffy gave her an icy stare. Finally she sighed.  
  
  
"Fine. Drive." She said as they walked out the door.  
  
  
Spike put his arm around Buffy and opened the door for her. She hopped into the car and Dawn got in the back. They started off on their mock family outing.  
  
  
Buffy couldn't believe how bizarre her life was now. She and Spike were together of all things. And she was actually happy. He treated her better than any normal guy probably ever would. He adored her sister and Dawn was crazy about him. For the first time ever, she actually felt at peace with her life. She then wondered why she found the need to keep her happiness a secret.  
  
  
She knew that she needed to tell everyone, but somehow she just couldn't bring herself to let the world in on her secret. She figured that her friends would figure things out eventually, if they hadn't already. But until then, she just wasn't ready to share.  
  
  
"Do you want to go to McDonald's or something?" Dawn asked, as they drove towards the movie theater.  
  
  
"Sure. Greasy burgers actually sound good." Buffy said.  
  
  
Spike pulled the car into the fast food joint and they all got out. They walked inside and stood in line.  
  
  
"What do you girls want? I'll buy." Spike said to them pulling some money out of his pocket.  
  
  
"You're buying? Where'd you get money?" Buffy asked him with a smile. "On second thought, I probably don't want to know, do I?"  
  
  
"Relax, I didn't steal it, if that's what you're thinkin'. I earned it." He told her with a smirk.  
  
  
"Earned it? Did you get a job at the Gas & Sip or something?" Buffy teased him.  
  
  
"Very funny. No. I hustled a little pool." He said proudly.  
  
  
Buffy groaned.  
  
  
"See, told you I didn't want to know." She smiled. "Just get me a cheeseburger. I'm gonna get a table." She told him as she went to sit down.  
  
  
Dawn gave him her order and sat down with Buffy. Spike brought their food and they sat around talking and eating. Dawn began to tell a story.  
  
  
"So, I opened the door, and he was like naked and stuff and I screamed." Dawn laughed, telling her story.  
  
  
"It wasn't funny. I didn't even know you were home." Spike said, looking down at the table. He couldn't believe Dawn was telling Buffy this humiliating bit of information.  
  
  
"Wait, you saw him naked? When was this?" Buffy said completely floored at her sister's candor.  
  
  
"The other day..." She said trying to contain her laughter.  
  
  
"What were you doing standing around naked in my house?" Buffy asked him.  
  
  
"I wasn't standing around. I had just taken a shower. If you remember, I got stuck at your house all day on a count of you keeping me up all night." He told her with a smirk.  
  
  
Buffy punched his arm and gave him a dirty look.  
  
  
"Hey! It wasn't my fault! Besides, she didn't even bother to knock." Spike said, trying to defend himself, but he couldn't help but laugh.  
  
  
Buffy sighed and rolled her eyes at him.   
  
  
"Come on guys, let me finish the story. This is the funniest part." Dawn said with a huge grin. "So I saw him right? And I screamed and he like freaked out and grabbed that plant that's in the bathroom and put it in front of himself and yelled at me. 'Close the bloody door!' It was hilarious, and then I started laughing and he was just standing there all mad and embarrassed. Oh and he was still naked." Dawn said with tears in her eyes from laughing so hard.  
  
  
Buffy tried to keep a straight face, but soon dissolved into laughter of her own, thinking about the vampire standing there wearing nothing but a potted plant. Spike sat there watching the two sisters laughing at his expense. He was irritated but also amused. He couldn't help but love seeing Buffy laugh. There had been far too many times he had seen her crying, and to see her laughing, even if it was at him, made him smile.  
  
  
Just then, Xander walked into the restaurant. He heard the laughter right away and looked over to see Dawn, Buffy, and Spike sitting there obviously amused at something. He instantly became annoyed that Spike was sitting there all cozy with the two of them. He walked over to their table.  
  
  
"Hey guys. What's so funny?" He asked.  
  
  
Buffy immediately stopped laughing and looked up at Xander.  
  
  
"Oh, hey Xander." She said trying to act calmly.  
  
  
"You guys grabbing a bite to eat?" He asked, staring directly at Spike, who only smiled at him.  
  
  
"Yeah." Spike said with a smirk.  
  
  
"Hmm...I didn't know they served McBlood here." Xander said sarcastically.  
  
  
"Shut up, Xander." Buffy told him abruptly. She knew that there was no way Xander would ever accept Spike in her life.   
  
  
"Yeah, Xander it's cool. Spike paid and everything." Dawn chimed in with a smile.  
  
  
"Whoa! Big spender." He said dripping sarcasm as he looked at Spike.  
  
  
"Stop it. Xander, just lay off. It's no big deal. We were done anyway." Buffy said getting up. She just wished that for once Xander would lay off the insults. She knew that it was just because he was trying to protect her, but she didn't like it.  
  
  
They all got up to leave and Xander pulled Buffy aside.  
  
  
"What's going on, Buff?" He asked her pointedly.  
  
  
"Nothing. He just stopped by the house when me and Dawn were getting ready to leave. She invited him to come along. That's it. You know how she is." Buffy tried to make excuses.  
  
  
"You could have said no." He told her.  
  
  
"It's not that big of a deal, really." She said trying to calm him down.  
  
  
"Fine. If you say so." He said, not knowing what to believe.  
  
  
"I do say so." She said looking at him seriously.  
  
  
He watched her walk outside and get into her car. He noticed that Spike was behind the wheel and he shook his head. Something is going on...He said to himself.  
  
  
**************************************************************************************************  
  
After the movie was over they went back to the house. Buffy had been preoccupied all evening and Spike knew she wasn't even paying attention to the movie at all. Dawn went upstairs and left them alone in the living room.  
  
  
He moved over to her and pulled her into his arms. She leaned up and kissed him softly. She snuggled into his embrace.  
  
  
"What's wrong?" He asked her.  
  
  
"Nothing...It's just...I don't know. Xander made me mad." She told him.  
  
  
"Forget about him. I know I did." He told her as he stroked her hair.  
  
  
"I can't." She pouted. "We should go out and do a patrol or something. I think killing something evil might give me a happy." She said with a small smile.  
  
  
He leaned down and kissed her then he whispered in her ear.  
  
  
"I can give you a happy." He said suggestively.  
  
  
She shoved him away playfully.  
  
  
"You can do that later." She smiled. "But for now, I need to kill something."  
  
  
"Whatever you say. Let's go." He smiled at her.  
  
  
Buffy went upstairs to say goodnight to Dawn and tell her they were going out. She came back downstairs with some stakes in her hand and tossed two of them to Spike. He shoved them in his pockets and they headed out.  
  
  
They walked slowly together through one of Sunnydale's many cemeteries. They weren't talking but the silence wasn't uncomfortable. In fact, they had become so comfortable with each other that words were no longer necessary.  
  
  
"Come on. There has to be something evil out here tonight." Buffy said, noticing the absence of vampires lurking about.   
  
  
"Something'll turn up. It always does." He told her looking around. Just then, he spotted a group of three vampires lurking behind a large grave marker. "Speak of the devil..." He said pointing in their direction.  
  
  
They walked over to where they were standing and Buffy cleared her throat loudly.  
  
  
"Hey! Is this a private party or can anyone join?" She asked them.  
  
  
The vampires growled at her and lunged forward. The game was on. Spike took two of them and Buffy was busy with the other one. Punches flew and Spike had one of his two dusted almost immediately.  
  
  
The one Buffy was fighting was huge. She silently thought he must have been some kind of football player or something. He was giving her a run for her money, but she was okay with that. Sometimes it wasn't as much fun if they were too easy to kill.  
  
  
Buffy kicked at him and he went down to the ground she bent down with her stake poised and he lunged up at her and knocked her backwards. She elbowed him in the face and shoved him away from her as she bounced back to her feet. He grabbed her and picked her up over his head and tossed her into a tree.  
  
  
She hit the tree hard and was momentarily stunned. She shook it off and got back to her feet. He went to punch her again but she blocked it. The vampire backhanded her across the face and she whirled around. He moved quickly and grabbed her from behind pinning her against the tree. She struggled to break free and she could feel his face too close to her neck.  
  
  
Spike saw what was happening and quickly dusted the other vampire and ran over to Buffy.  
  
  
"Hey!" He shouted at the vampire, who was licking his lips in anticipation of biting into Buffy. The vampire turned his head to look.  
  
  
"Yeah, you. What do you think you're doing, mate?" Spike asked him with an irritated smirk.  
  
  
The vampire looked at him dumbfounded.  
  
  
"Get out of here." He growled at Spike.   
  
  
Buffy struggled to get out of the vampires grasp, but the way he had her arms pinned, she couldn't move.  
  
  
"No. I don't think so. See, that's my Slayer you're about to eat, and you know, nobody gets to eat her except me." Spike said with a wicked grin, knowing his statement could be taken one of two ways.  
  
  
Buffy groaned at his little play on words.  
  
  
"Spike, I could do without the sharing of intimate details. Why do you have to do that?" She sighed loudly, still pinned to the tree.  
  
  
"Sorry, Luv. Didn't mean to make you blush." He said to her.  
  
  
The vampire stood there listening to their conversation, momentarily forgetting about why he was there in the first place.  
  
  
"Can we kill him already? He looks like he's starting to get bored." Buffy said glancing over her shoulder at the confused vampire.  
  
  
Spike moved forward quickly and the vampire released Buffy in order to defend himself from Spike's attack. Buffy whirled around and plunged her stake into his back exploding him into dust. She brushed herself off and stared at Spike who stood there watching with a satisfied grin.  
  
  
"Feel better now?" He asked her.  
  
  
She sighed and rolled her eyes at him.  
  
  
"Let's go home." She told him.  
  
  
As they walked, she looked over at him sternly.  
  
  
"Why did you do that?" She asked.  
  
  
"Why'd I do what?"  
  
  
"Stand there and brag while he was gonna bite me. Why didn't you just kill him?" She asked irritated.  
  
  
"It was more fun this way. I distracted him didn't I?" He laughed.  
  
  
"Sometimes I hate you." She said crossing her arms angrily.  
  
  
"No you don't." He told her with a smirk as he stopped and pulled her in for a kiss.   
  
  
They stood under the moonlight, kissing each other greedily. Whenever he was with her, he couldn't contain himself. Especially after watching her fight. For him, there was no bigger turn on than that. She was so strong and perfect. Every move she made was like poetry. He couldn't help but brag that he knew her intimately. He was proud of it and her.  
  
  
"Let's go." She said pulling away from him. She didn't want to start anything they couldn't finish out here in the graveyard. No other guy made her as mad and as excited as he did. It was that fine line between love and hate that fueled their desire for each other.  
  
  
They walked into her house and he immediately grabbed her again. His lips were on her throat and she moaned softly. He pulled her jacket off roughly and tossed it aside. She peeled off his duster and threw it along with hers into the corner.  
  
  
She kissed him hard and frantically. He let a low growl escape from his throat.  
  
  
"Shh..." She whispered to him. "Dawn might not be asleep yet."  
  
  
"It's after one, I'm sure she's fast asleep." He said continuing to kiss her.  
  
  
Buffy melted into his arms and he moved and pushed her hard against the door. She jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist and he grabbed her and carried her to the stairs. They stumbled and fell onto the stairway.  
  
  
She started to laugh but he soon silenced her with his mouth. She felt his tongue searching her mouth and all she wanted was for him to take her right there on the stairs. She had to control herself. She pushed him off her roughly, but with desire in her eyes. He returned her fiery gaze. She grabbed his hand and yanked him up the stairs with her. He followed her readily into her room.  
  
  
He shut the door behind them quickly and locked it. He ripped his shirt off and grabbed her again forcefully. They fell onto the bed. She felt herself actually aching for him. All he had to do was look at her with those eyes and she was ready. She felt his tongue running across her neck and she moaned.  
  
  
He pulled her shirt off and began kissing his way down her bare stomach. He looked up at her seductively. She closed her eyes tightly as he removed the rest of her clothes. He grabbed her thighs and looked up at her hungrily.  
  
  
"Nobody except me." He purred to her as he continued his downward decent of her body until his mouth found what it was seeking.  
  
  
"Oh...Spike." She moaned his name and shuddered at the feel of his cool mouth meeting her warmth. Nobody but you, Spike... She thought to herself.  
  
  
Afterwards, they lay completely spent amidst the rumpled bedcovers. Buffy was out of breath and Spike lay back completely contented.   
  
  
"Is it just me, or does that just keep getting better?" She said with a tired smile.  
  
  
"Oh, it gets better." He said rolling over to kiss her again.  
  
  
She pushed him away playfully.  
  
  
"Stop! Aren't you tired yet?" She teased him.  
  
  
"No. Are you?" He whispered as he nibbled her ear.  
  
  
"Never..." She said softly curling up into his arms and sighing happily.  
  
  
He glanced at the clock and noticed that it was nearly three-thirty. He'd have to leave her soon or else he'd be stuck at her place again all day. And after the last time with Dawn walking in on him, he wasn't too keen on the idea of a repeat performance.  
  
  
"As much as I'd like to give it another go, I should leave soon. If I fall asleep now, I'll never get up before sunrise." He said softly, not wanting to leave her.  
  
  
"Well, sleep wasn't what I had in mind." She said kissing her way across his bare chest.  
  
  
He sighed happily at the feel of her lips on his skin.  
  
  
"But still...I should go." He told her regrettably.  
  
  
"No. Stay. I want you to be here when I wake up." She pouted.  
  
  
"But you heard what happened last time, pet. I don't want to corrupt your baby sis with my manly nakedness again." He said with a laugh.  
  
  
"So lock the door." She protested.  
  
  
"What if someone else comes by, huh? I know you don't want any of your friends to know our torrid little secret." He told her.   
  
  
"That's easy. Just don't answer the door." She told him.  
  
  
He sighed and kissed the top of her head.  
  
  
"You know, Luv. As fun as it is sneaking around ...Are you ever gonna go public with this?" He asked, a little hurt that she felt so ashamed by him that she wouldn't even tell her best friends.  
  
  
She sighed and shook her head.  
  
  
"I don't know. I mean, I know it's stupid. I think Xander already knows something, but I just can't bring myself to make an announcement or anything. I made such a big deal out of hating you, it feels kinda weird to tell them the truth now." She tried to explain. "Besides, I kinda like living in this nice little plastic bubble where no one will tell me that I'm crazy."  
  
  
"You're not crazy."   
  
  
"Yes I am. We both are. But I don't care." She said, kissing him softly. "I don't care... but they will."  
  
  
Spike thought about what she was saying. Part of him was a little wounded by the secrecy, but he also was a little afraid for everyone to know too.  
  
  
"Maybe you're right. We shouldn't tell them." He said to her.  
  
  
She sat up and looked at him.  
  
  
"You want me to lie to them forever?" She asked him surprised.  
  
  
"I don't know. You're the one who said you didn't want to tell. I was just agreeing with you." He said, wondering why she suddenly seemed agitated.  
  
  
"I know, but I thought you wanted to tell them. You were supposed to convince me that it's the right thing to do." She explained to him.  
  
  
He sighed and rolled his eyes at her.  
  
  
"Buffy...You're relying on me to tell you the right thing to do? Look who you're talking to." He said to her with a smirk.  
  
  
She laid back down next to him.  
  
  
"Good point. Still...I just don't know what to do." She said desperately.  
  
  
"Look. It's not so bad sneaking around. Maybe I'm not as eager as I thought to get this whole thing out there. What if they're angry? What if they lock you in a room and lecture you until you finally relent and change your mind about me?" He told her, suddenly hating the idea. "You're mine and I don't want anyone to take you from me." He said possessively.  
  
  
She looked up at him.  
  
  
"Don't get all caveman on me, Spike. I'm not going anywhere. No matter what anyone says. I know who you really are. They don't. And if they don't like it, then...Well, they'll just have to deal with it." She said trying to comfort his fears.  
  
  
"So then we'll tell them?" He asked, feeling slightly more confident.  
  
  
Buffy thought for a moment and shrugged.  
  
  
"Eventually..." She said softly, still not wanting to face the music just yet.  
  
  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
Two weeks went by and still she hadn't managed to confront her friends. She didn't know why she was being this way. Maybe if she just told them about the prophecy they'd understand better? She highly doubted it. Maybe she should talk to Giles again? She knew that he knew there was something going on, but talking to him about personal stuff was still uncomfortable.   
  
  
She sat at a table at the Magic Box alone lost in thought. Willow walked in and sat down next to her.  
  
  
"Hey." Willow said to her with a smile.  
  
  
"Hey, Will. What's up?" Buffy asked, forcing herself out of her inner turmoil.  
  
  
"Not too much. Did Giles tell you that there's supposed to be some new demons on the loose?"   
  
  
Buffy had heard about it when she arrived at the store earlier. Giles was in the back searching for some book that had information they needed.  
  
  
"Yeah. Something big and nasty, into world domination. You know, the usual." Buffy said with a sigh. She wasn't really in the mood for a big battle right now.  
  
  
"Is something wrong, Buffy? You seem kinda blah today." Willow asked, with concern.  
  
  
"I'm fine...It's just..." Buffy started, wanting badly to tell her best friend what was going on. "Never mind. It's not important."  
  
  
"Come on. You can tell me. It's me, Willow. You know, best friends and stuff?" Willow urged her.  
  
  
Buffy looked at her smiling friend and instantly felt horrible for lying to her for so long.  
  
  
"Okay. There's something I really have to tell you." Buffy said looking at her seriously.  
  
  
"Okay. This sounds important. I-I'm all ears." Willow said expectantly.  
  
  
Just then, Giles came out from the back room carrying an armload full of books. He walked over and dumped them onto the table in front of the two girls.  
  
  
"I think I may have found something of importance here." He said, completely oblivious that he had interrupted Buffy's true confessions time.  
  
  
"Oh, joy." Buffy said with feigned enthusiasm.  
  
  
Willow noticed Buffy's fallen expression and knew that there was something she wanted to tell her. She looked up at Giles.  
  
  
"Um, can this wait a sec? Buffy and I were sorta girl talkin'." She said kind of nervously.  
  
  
"No, Will. It's okay. It can wait." Buffy said, suddenly glad for the reprieve.  
  
  
Giles looked at the both of them, then continued on with his information.  
  
  
"It seems that this sort of demon is called a Klambach demon. They have the power of telekinesis." He explained.  
  
  
"Clambake demons? With telekinesis? Are they gonna hurl clams at us or something?" Buffy asked sarcastically.  
  
  
"Not clambake, Klambach." He reiterated, rolling his eyes at her.   
  
  
"Oh. So what else does it say?"  
  
  
"They tend to travel in groups of five. It seems that they were spotted near a clearing in the woods only last night. They can be quite dangerous, as they have no need to be in actual physical contact with a person to do harm." He explained.  
  
  
"So should we assemble the troops?" Willow asked.  
  
  
"I think it would be a good idea to quell their plans before they can do any damage." Giles said, looking at them seriously.  
  
  
"I'll call Tara. Maybe we can use some of the spells we've been working on." Willow said getting up.  
  
  
"Should you get Spike?" Giles asked Buffy still curious about the nature of their relationship.   
  
  
"Yeah. I'll go get him. It's almost sundown, so we'll be back here after dark." She said getting up to go.  
  
  
"What about Dawn? Is she at home?" He asked.  
  
  
"She's at a friends house, so she should be fine." Buffy told him, as she walked out the door.  
  
  
Buffy went to Spike's place and walked in. He was sitting in his chair reading a book. He put it down when he heard her come in. He turned his head to watch her walk over. Her gloomy mood improved the instant she saw him smile at her.  
  
  
"Hello Cutie." He said to her with a smile.  
  
  
"Hello yourself." She said as she sat down in his lap giving him a long lingering kiss.  
  
  
She pulled back and smiled at him.  
  
  
"Is that a stake in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" She teased him as she felt her thigh pressing against something hard.  
  
  
He laughed at her and purred into her ear.  
  
  
"Actually that is a stake." He said, reaching down and pulling the piece of wood out of the chair and tossing it aside. "You'll have to reach a little lower, if you wanna see how glad I am to see you." He kissed her again.  
  
  
She silently wished that she could just stay there forever with him, but she suddenly remembered she had a reason for coming over, and it wasn't this unfortunately.  
  
  
"Spike, stop. I'm here on business." She finally told him.  
  
  
He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.  
  
  
"What's up?" He asked her, trying not to go crazy at her sitting on his lap.  
  
  
She got up and stood in front of him.  
  
  
"Klambach demons. Have you heard of them?" She asked.  
  
  
"Yeah. Interesting bunch. They can move things with their minds." He said to her.   
  
  
She was always surprised that he knew so much about everything. Giles needed to sift through piles of books and Spike already knew.  
  
  
"Well, they're visiting our fine town, so I guess we have to send the welcome wagon to greet them." She told him.  
  
  
"I'm ready." He said getting up and pulling his jacket on.  
  
  
"Everyone is back at the shop waiting." She told him as they walked out of his crypt. He put his arm around her and she leaned into him. They walked back slowly.  
  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
They were the last ones to arrive back at the shop. They walked in and everyone was sitting around discussing a plan of action. They looked up when they heard them enter.  
  
  
"Good. You're back." Giles said, looking up from his books.  
  
  
"Do we know how to kill them yet?" Buffy asked hopefully.  
  
  
"Well it seems that good old fashioned beheading works nicely." Xander chimed in.  
  
  
"Yes, that and stabbing them through the heart." Giles said wiping his glasses.  
  
  
"Sounds a lot like you, doesn't it, vampire boy?" Xander said looking at Spike.  
  
  
Spike looked at him with a smirk.  
  
  
"Well, I'd venture a guess that you'd die right quick like that as well. Shall we test that theory?" Spike said to him evilly. He was just tired of the boy's incessant remarks.  
  
  
"Stop it you two. You're like a couple of preschoolers." Willow said standing between them.  
  
  
"What'll we use? Swords? Chinese stars?" Buffy asked sarcastically, trying to plan her attack while ignoring Xander and Spike's death threats to each other.  
  
  
"Swords would be first choice." Giles said to her.  
  
  
They all went and retrieved a barrage of weapons from the back of the store. Everyone had their own little arsenal packed into a bag.   
  
  
They headed out to the area by the woods that the demons were supposedly spotted the night before. They got to spot and saw nothing at first.  
  
  
"Maybe we should split up?" Spike said to them.  
  
  
"Good idea." Buffy said to him.  
  
  
"Are you sure we should split up? We aren't entirely sure what we're up against here, Buff." Xander said to her uneasily.  
  
  
"Well, we won't know anything unless we find them. I'd say if you find them, hold onto your weapons tightly because they might use their Jedi mind tricks to snatch it out of your hands." Buffy told him.  
  
  
"Okay." He said apprehensively.  
  
  
"If you find something, yell." She said to him. "Spike and I will head this way, Will and Tara, try the north side, and you three go west." She said handing out her orders.  
  
  
Everyone took off in opposite directions. Spike looked at Buffy with a smile. She looked over at him.  
  
  
"What?" She said, noticing the amused look on his face.  
  
  
"Nothing. It's just, have I ever told you how incredibly sexy you are when you're ordering people around?" He said with a seductive grin.  
  
  
She rolled her eyes.  
  
  
"Spike, now's not the time for pillow talk. We have some nasties to hunt down, remember?" She scolded him, but inside she was smiling.  
  
  
He sighed and kept walking.  
  
  
They soon stumbled onto the right path. They looked down and saw odd shaped footprints in the dirt. Spike pointed them out to Buffy. She nodded her head and they followed the prints.  
  
  
They came to a clearing where a fire was burning brightly. Around it sat five pasty white demons, with small blue spikes running down their backs. They had short tails that stuck out behind them. They spoke in an unfamiliar demon tongue and appeared to be laughing. They seemed to be having an awfully good time.  
  
  
"Look's like we found the mutated Campfire Girl's." Buffy muttered to Spike under her breath.  
  
  
"Jolly bunch, aren't they? I'm waiting for them to break out into a glaring rendition of Kumbaya." Spike said sarcastically.  
  
  
Buffy tried to stifle her laughter. She couldn't help but think that these demons didn't seem very threatening. Just then, one of the demons turned and noticed that they were being watched.  
  
  
"Uh-oh." Buffy muttered.  
  
  
"Come on." Spike said, grabbing her arm and pulling her out into the open with him. "Let's get em'."  
  
  
The demon who had been sensing them made a high pitched sound that got the other's attention. They all began to charge in their direction wildly.  
  
  
The closer the demons got, the larger they appeared. Spike suddenly realized they would most likely lose this battle before it even begun.  
  
  
"On second thought, now might be a good time to run and get the others." He said to Buffy grabbing her hand and pulling her along with him.  
  
  
They ran quickly through the thickening forest. The demons were cackling loudly as they pursued their would be victims. In the opposite directions the others heard the commotion and everyone turned and headed towards the sound.  
  
  
All at once, everyone managed to converge in the same spot.   
  
  
"They're right behind us!" Buffy shouted to the others.  
  
  
"Get ready!" Spike told everyone.  
  
  
Everyone pulled their weapons out just as the demons burst through the shrubbery with a loud squeal. The face off began. The demons began attacking from all sides and everyone was trying desperately to hold them off. One of the nasties got a hold of Tara and Willow raised her hand and shouted something in Latin at him. He flew backwards into a tree and Tara scrambled away.  
  
  
The demon got to his feet and raised his own hands. The sword that Willow was holding flew from her hands and into the deep underbrush at the edge of the forest. He charged at her. Tara saw what was happening and started to panic. She wasn't really used to being out on the front lines with everyone else. The only reason she came was because Willow had thought their magic would be helpful.  
  
  
Tara chanted a spell that stopped the demon in its tracks. She ran to him with her sword and stabbed it into his chest awkwardly. He fell down dead. Tara stood back in shock and amazement.  
  
  
"I-I've never killed anything before." She stammered to Willow who had run up beside her.  
  
  
"You did great sweetie." Willow said sweetly before grabbing Tara's hand and heading over to where the others were still fighting.  
  
  
Giles and Xander were holding off one of the demons while Anya tried to stay hidden behind a tree. Giles took a swing and almost made a connection when the sword was suddenly yanked from his grasp by an unseen force. Before he could react, Xander and he both were picked up into the air and flung aside by the mind power of the demon.  
  
  
Buffy and Spike were desperately trying to hold their own. Spike had managed to wound one of them, but not fatally. He was slowing down though. The demon attempted to remove Spike's weapon, but Spike held onto it tightly. He took a wide swing across the demons neck and he went down.   
  
  
Spike looked and saw that the Watcher and Xander had been knocked out of the game. Anya had come out from behind the tree and was attempting to take a swing at the demon, but her weapon dropped. The demon lunged forward with claws outstretched and Xander saw his love in danger. He cried out to her.  
  
  
"Anya! No!" He shouted from the bushes where he was desperately trying to get up. His legs wouldn't move fast enough.  
  
  
Spike leapt through the air and stabbed the demon through the back just as he was getting ready to grab Anya. Xander rushed over and grabbed Anya who was badly shaken but okay. He looked at Spike briefly his eyes filled with gratitude. For the briefest moment, a silent respect was conveyed between the two.  
  
  
"Nice work man." Xander said softly.  
  
  
Spike acknowledged him with a nod of his head. They saw another demon coming towards them with Willow and Tara chasing behind him. Willow had started chanting something and the demon turned and flung the two witches away from him with a stroke of his hand. They each crashed into the trees behind them.  
  
  
Buffy was not having much luck with her demon and Spike saw this. He looked at Xander and Giles, who had finally managed to get up.  
  
  
"Can you handle this one?" He asked, indicating the demon that was approaching. "I need to help Buffy."  
  
  
They nodded their heads and he ran to where Buffy was kicking and punching at her demon. She had no weapon at this point as the demon had ripped it from her grasp just as he had done to all the others. She hadn't had an opportunity to retrieve it.  
  
  
The other demon charged at Xander, Giles and Anya. Xander grabbed his sword and held on tightly. The demon tried to yank it from his grasp, but Xander held on. Giles picked up a rock and hurled it at the demon, who quickly knocked it away with his power. The rock hurtled towards Giles who jumped out of the way.  
  
  
Anya leapt onto the demons back and tried slow him down. He threw her off and she rolled across the ground resting at the foot of a tree. Xander whirled around with his sword and took the demons head off.  
  
  
The demon that Buffy had been fighting suddenly stopped his assault when he noticed that his brothers were all slain. He turned and ran into the forest.  
  
  
Buffy stood there surprised for a minute and then she took off running after it. She picked her sword up off the ground as she ran past. Spike ran after her.  
  
  
Everyone else was trying to regroup and make sure no one was hurt that badly. They all had some cuts and scrapes, not to mention bruises, but nothing serious.  
  
  
"Where's Buffy and Spike?" Willow asked, as Xander helped her off the ground.  
  
  
"I don't know. I think they're chasing the last one." He told her.  
  
  
Buffy ran as fast as she could but this demon was quick. Finally she caught up to him and he whirled around. With a flick of his wrist, she was sent flying through the air into rock. She hit hard and the wind was knocked out of her. The demon descended on her with his claws outstretched. She swung her sword at him and slashed him across the stomach. He cried out and stumbled back.  
  
  
She jumped to her feet again, just as Spike had made his way to where she was. She glanced over at the sound of footsteps and the demon took the opportunity to uproot her once more. Her sword dropped to the ground and she flew headfirst into a tree and tumbled down into a shallow ravine.  
  
  
Spike had seen Buffy hurtle through the air and hit the tree full force. He felt his anger boil over. Spike lunged towards the demon and tackled him to ground. The demon was already weakened from the wound Buffy had inflicted. Spike punched at the demons face and shouted at him.  
  
  
"You pasty bastard! That was my girl you slammed into that tree." He yelled at him.  
  
  
He reached over and grabbed Buffy's discarded sword and with one fell swoop he lopped off the demons head. He dropped his sword and hurried down to the ravine where he saw Buffy disappear to.   
  
  
He looked down and saw her body lying at the bottom of the ravine. She was partially covered by fallen leaves and branches, presumably from her tumble down the incline. She was unconscious and bleeding from a gash in her head.  
  
  
He instantly felt dizzy at the sight of her body laying there so still. Fear gripped him. Memories and thoughts of the day he had discovered her lifeless body at the construction site filled his head. The scenes looked all too similar and he felt a sob catch in his throat.  
  
  
He stumbled down the ravine frantically.  
  
  
"Buffy!" He shouted at her and got no response. "Oh god, no." He muttered helplessly, trying to stifle the tears that he felt coming. He couldn't bear to see her lying there like that. So pale and lifeless.  
  
  
He ran to her and picked her shoulders up. He cradled her gently in his arms.  
  
  
"Come on sweetheart, wake up." He urged her desperately. "I'm not gonna lose you again." He cried.  
  
  
He pulled her into his arms and held her. He could feel her heart beating at a steady pace and he smiled. She was alive. He smiled through his tears and he smoothed her hair away from her face. She had blood running down her forehead, and he wiped it away from her eyes.  
  
  
"Buffy, wake up." He whispered to her as he kissed her forehead gently. He could taste her blood mixed in with his own tears. She started to stir and then she opened her eyes slowly. She looked up at him.  
  
  
"Oh...god...What happened?" She asked him, still disoriented.  
  
  
"That nasty bugger threw you into a tree. Don't worry Luv, I chopped his head off." He told her with a smile. He was so relieved that she was alright. When he had first seen her, he feared the worst. To lose her again, especially now, would be the end of him.  
  
  
"Are you crying, Spike?" She asked curiously, touching his face.  
  
  
He suddenly became self conscious of the tears that had fallen involuntarily. He wiped them away and looked into her eyes.  
  
  
"I...I thought you were dead again. When I saw you... You were just laying there, not moving..." He said to her softly.  
  
  
"Oh Spike..." She said her heart aching for him. She touched his face and wiped the remaining tears away. She kissed him gently. "I'm not that easy to kill, remember?" She said trying to lighten the mood a bit.  
  
  
"I love you Buffy. I can't ever lose you. Not again." He told her seriously.  
  
  
"You won't. We still have a coming darkness to fight together, and that's not for a couple of years." She told him, indicating the prophecy. She still hadn't mentioned to him the role he would play, but maybe later she would.  
  
  
He smiled at her and kissed her gently, trying not to hurt her. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and deepened the kiss.   
  
  
  
The others had gone into the woods trying to find out where Buffy and Spike had disappeared to. They had come across the headless demon and the bloody sword that lay on the ground. They stood at the edge of the ravine now and looked on as Buffy and Spike continued kissing each other.  
  
  
Xander's mouth opened in shock and he shook his head. He looked at everyone else.  
  
  
"Do you see that? I see that. Oh, how I wish I hadn't seen that." He said, his worst fears being confirmed. "I knew something was going on." He told everyone.  
  
  
Willow nodded her head.  
  
  
"I-I see that." She said softly. "B-Buffy said she had something to tell me before, but we never had the chance. I-I think I know what it was now." She said quietly.  
  
  
"Giles, aren't you gonna say anything? Your Slayer is down there making kissy face with another vampire. Go stop it or something." Xander told him.  
  
  
"I already knew." Giles said quietly.  
  
  
"What? And you didn't say anything?" Xander could hardly believe his ears.  
  
  
Giles merely looked at him and said nothing. Xander shook his head and called out to them at the bottom of the ravine.  
  
  
"Hey! You can stop that any time now!" He shouted down to them.  
  
  
Buffy and Spike jerked away from each other abruptly and looked up at everyone standing above gaping at them. They had been so lost in the moment they hadn't noticed anyone approach and were too far down to hear the hushed tones of their conversation.  
  
  
Buffy's mouth hung open in shock. She was busted and she knew it. She looked at Spike and sighed.  
  
  
"Guess the cat's out of the bag, huh?" She said sheepishly.  
  
  
He smiled at her and kissed her again, not caring if everyone was watching. He pulled away and grabbed her hand. He pulled her to her feet and put his arm around her to steady her. They climbed back up to the top together.  
  
  
Everyone stood there staring at them waiting for some sort of explanation, except for Giles who already knew.  
  
  
Buffy looked at them sheepishly.  
  
  
"Uh...surprise?" She said meekly.  
  
  
"Buffy..." Xander started to say but she held up her hand.  
  
  
"Let's just get out of here. I need some aspirin." She said, not wanting to get into this out in the middle of the woods. "I have a feeling this headache is going to get worse." She mumbled under breath.  
  
  
They all walked out of the woods and back to the magic shop.  
  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
  
The long walk was spent in silence and the silence remained once they all entered the shop. Buffy knew there was bound to be a million prying questions and she wasn't really feeling up to it now. Her head was splitting from the impact of the tree. She held a small cloth to her forehead where she had a small cut.   
  
  
"So, we did okay, right? Five dead demons. Not too bad for a nights work" Buffy said to everyone, desperately trying to prolong any unpleasant confrontation.  
  
  
"Yeah. A few bruises all around, no big." Willow said trying to be cheerful. "How's your head, Buffy?"  
  
  
"I'll live. You don't happen to have any aspirin do you?" She asked her friend.  
  
  
"In my purse. I'll go get it." She said with a smile getting up to retrieve her bag and a glass of water.  
  
  
Xander paced around, occasionally glaring at Spike who lounged casually in a chair next to Buffy. Xander was livid and confused. He didn't understand why it bothered him so much. Buffy was a big girl, she could make her own decisions. He just didn't understand why she always made such bad ones when it came to love.  
  
  
She was a Slayer. A vampire Slayer to be exact. He couldn't for the life of him figure out how or why she could fall for not one but two vampires. It was insane. At least Angel had a soul, but even that didn't endear the tortured vamp to Xander. He still hated him. A bloodsucker was a bloodsucker, no matter how tortured or chipped they might be.  
  
  
You're just jealous because she never wanted you. He scolded himself. She'd rather be with something dead, than with you...  
  
  
Time and again, she preferred a vampire over him. That was what really got to him. He had been crazy for her and she never saw him that way. He treated her with kindness and love. He had wanted to be the one for her so badly, but she never even saw him. Instead she chose Angel, now she was with Spike. It was maddening.  
  
  
Stop it! Listen to yourself, man. You love Anya. Anya loves you. You're gonna marry Anya. You've been over Buffy for a long time. He cursed himself. But you still love her...  
  
  
Finally he could stand the inner dialog no longer and he finally spoke.  
  
  
"So are we just gonna pretend that nothing happened tonight?" He asked exasperated. Everyone else was mindlessly chit chatting about the demons and anything else except what they all wanted to say.  
  
  
Buffy looked up at Xander and sighed.  
  
  
"What do you want me to say, Xander?" She said looking at him with tired eyes.  
  
  
"How about telling us what the hell you're thinking? I mean, how long has...whatever this is, been going on?" He asked gesturing to her and Spike with a disgusted look.  
  
  
"Not long." She said softly.  
  
  
"Three months." Spike said at the same time.  
  
  
Buffy glared at him and he shrugged.  
  
  
"Three months?" Xander asked incredulously.  
  
  
"I told you Xander. Remember, the bed hair?" Anya said to him, remembering their odd encounter with Buffy months ago.  
  
  
Xander gave her an annoyed look and everyone else stared at her not knowing what she was talking about. She noticed their looks.  
  
  
"An, just be quiet." Xander said sharply to her.  
  
  
"Fine." She said getting huffy.  
  
  
"Look, it's my life and I really want you guys to be okay with this, but if you're not, then there isn't anything I can do." Buffy said defeated. She couldn't even begin to explain this to them knowing they wouldn't understand.  
  
  
Willow stood up and went over to Buffy. She put her hand on her shoulder and smiled at her.  
  
  
"Buffy...Are you happy?" She asked her friend sincerely.   
  
  
"Yes. I really am." She told her.  
  
  
"Then we're happy." She said looking at everyone else with her resolve face.  
  
  
She didn't want Buffy to feel like everyone was judging her. Willow knew that it must have been tearing Buffy up that she had felt the need to lie to them about this. She knew that Spike was different now and she knew how much he loved Buffy. Willow was still a bit concerned, but she had to have faith that Buffy knew what she was doing.  
  
  
Everyone except Xander nodded their heads in reluctant agreement. When Willow got her resolve face, no one was going to argue with her. Xander looked at everyone nodding and being supportive and he felt sick. He threw his hands in the air.  
  
  
"Fine. You know what? I need some air." He said agitated as he walked out the back door.  
  
  
Buffy looked at everyone and sighed. She felt like she was at the Inquisition and she hated it. She saw everyone trying to be happy, but she knew they were only pretending for her sake. And Xander? There was no way he was ever going to come around on this one.   
  
  
Spike touched her arm and looked at her trying to convey comfort to her with his eyes. He wanted to reach out and hold her but he didn't. He figured it would make her even more uncomfortable. He was ready to just grab Buffy and walk out of there, never to look back. Who needed these people if this was how they were gonna act? At least the witch had been kind to her. Willow was always trying to smooth things over. But Xander? That bloke was hard headed and narrow minded. Spike couldn't stand him.  
  
  
"Maybe we should go?" He said to her softly.  
  
  
"No" She shook her head. "I need to talk to Xander."  
  
  
"Forget him. He's a jackass." He told her, his irritation apparent.  
  
  
"I can't." She said softly as she got up to go outside to where Xander was.  
  
  
Once she was outside, Spike sat at the table feeling all eyes on him. He shifted uncomfortably and looked at the prying eyes of her friends staring him down. He rolled his eyes and sighed.  
  
  
"You all know I love her. I'm not gonna hurt her, if that's what you're thinking." He said defensively.  
  
  
Giles watched in silence as the vampire tried to defend himself from the cold stares of everyone else. He felt the apprehension that everyone else felt, but he also knew the depth of the connection between Buffy and Spike. He knew about the prophecy. He wanted to tell the others, but figured it best not to. If Buffy wanted to share, she would.  
  
  
"We know you love her, Spike." Giles said uncomfortably.  
  
  
"Well, then what's the bloody problem? Is it so strange that she might love me too?" He asked seriously.  
  
  
"Well sorta. I mean, she always said she hated you, so yeah, it is a little strange." Willow said softly trying to understand.  
  
  
"That was a long time ago. Things change. I've changed. Or haven't I done enough to prove that bloody point yet?" He said exasperated by these people.  
  
  
"I think you've changed." Anya said cheerfully.  
  
  
Everyone turned to look at her strangely.  
  
  
"Well, he has. I mean, he's not so bad. He helps us out, he doesn't kill people anymore. I for one think it's nice that he and Buffy are in love. I mean, how can love ever be a bad thing?" She asked with a big smile.  
  
  
"Thank you." Spike smiled at her. Finally someone with a decent attitude.  
  
  
"You think it's 'nice'?" Willow asked her with a startled expression.  
  
  
"Yes. I mean, doesn't he deserve a chance? Who cares what he did in the past? Shouldn't we judge him by what he does now? I was a vengeance demon for over a thousand years and Xander still loves me." She said pointedly.  
  
  
"Well, that's a whole other matter." Willow sighed. "Still, you're human now, Spike isn't."  
  
  
"So what?" She asked defensively.  
  
  
"Yeah, so what? Would that automatically make me worthy? Is that it? I love her and I treat her better than any stupid human would. Don't you remember soldier boy? Maybe you don't, seeing as how he ran out of town in the dark of night, like a fool breaking her heart. Cheating on her with vampire whores then running away. Yeah, he was a real prize. Wish I could be more like him." Spike said snidely.  
  
  
Nobody knew what to say to that one. He had a point.  
  
  
"I'd never do that to her. Never. Hell, even Angel ran off on her. I seem to be the only one who hasn't abandoned her. And yet you bloody people still hate me." He said shaking his head. He stood up, and tried to calm himself down. "I'm gonna go have a smoke." He said to no one in particular as he stormed out the front door.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Xander and Buffy stood in the back alley staring at each other and not saying anything. Buffy finally broke the tension.  
  
  
"Look, I know you don't understand, but you're just gonna have to trust me." She finally said.  
  
  
"Buffy, I do trust you. It's him I don't trust." He complained to her.  
  
  
"Well, I trust him. Hasn't he proved himself to you yet? I mean if you can't admit that he's changed then you're lying to yourself. And I should know. I was queen of denial for a long time myself." She said pointedly.  
  
  
"But how can he change, Buffy? He's a demon. They don't change. Just because he helps us and he has a chip in his head, doesn't mean he's okay." Xander told her with confusion on his face. "He doesn't deserve you." He added softly.  
  
  
"Well, maybe not. Who knows? But I love him..."  
  
  
"No. Don't say that. How could you love him?" He said with contempt.  
  
  
"I do love him. I-I don't know how or why, but I do. Believe me, this wasn't just some thing I rushed into. I fought with myself for months over it. Maybe even longer than that. It didn't happen overnight. Every bit of trust I have in him, he earned it. You know it and I know it." She tried to defend her choices.  
  
  
"I just don't want to see you get hurt, Buffy. That's all. Remember what happened with Angel? You thought he was okay too, and then 'Bam!' suddenly he turns on you and starts terrorizing you and trying to kill your friends. What if that happens again, huh? What if Spike's chip stops working? Do you honestly think that he won't come after you again?" Xander said trying to hammer his point home.  
  
  
Buffy looked at him seriously and shook her head.  
  
  
"He wouldn't and you know that. Dawn told me what it was like for him when I died. You were there. You must have seen it too. That kind of pain...You think he'd actually kill me after that?" She asked him sincerely.  
  
  
Xander looked at her and his hard face softened slightly. He did remember the way Spike had broken down. How completely hopeless he had been. He hated even thinking about that. Everyone's grief was so raw including his own. She had a point, and Xander knew he couldn't deny it.  
  
  
"Buff..." He sighed unsure what else to say. "Okay. So maybe he wouldn't do that. But I still don't like this."   
  
  
"I know. Why do you think I didn't want to tell you guys? I knew you would freak. But I just want you to be happy for me, because I am happy. I know you think it's weird, and I did too at first. But it's real and it's happening." She told him hoping he would at least agree to be supportive to her. He didn't have to like it or like Spike, but she wanted his support.  
  
  
"Be careful, Buffy." He told her, moving to her and placing his hands on her shoulders. "Guard your heart." He said softly, finally relenting to her. He cared for her too much to alienate her from his life. He knew had to accept it or he would lose her.  
  
  
She smiled at him and shook her head.  
  
  
"No. No more guarding my heart. I did that with Riley, remember? He ran away. I'm through being cautious and withdrawn. I'm through shutting my feelings off, just because I'm afraid." She said to him with a peaceful smile. "Someone once told me that I was full of love and the only way I'd lose it is if I rejected it. They told me to love, give, forgive. Risk the pain." She told him remembering the words of the First Slayer. "That's what I'm doing. Risking the pain. And you know what? So far so good."  
  
  
He looked at her and noticed her peaceful look. He couldn't deny that she seemed to be happy. He wanted to deny it, but her face told a different story. He sighed and pulled her into his arms and hugged her.  
  
  
"I love you, Buff. You know that. I only want what's best for you." He told her earnestly. "If this is what you want, then I'm not gonna stop you."   
  
  
"Thank you, Xander." Buffy said squeezing him tightly, then letting him go. "Can we go back inside?"   
  
  
"Okay." He said with a smile. He put his hand on her back and followed her.  
  
  
He stopped for a moment.  
  
  
"Uh, Buffy? This doesn't mean I have to be nice to him, does it?" He asked her jokingly.  
  
  
"Just try not to kill each other." She said with a small laugh. "I'm rather fond of both of you."  
  
  
They walked back inside.  
  
  
  
  
Spike stood out front of the store and smoked nervously. Part of him was relieved that the secrecy was over. But the other part, remained irritated by the reactions of her friends. It wasn't as if he was expecting everyone to throw confetti and cheer for them, but it still made him livid to think that after all he had done to prove himself, it wasn't enough.  
  
  
He'd never be good enough in their eyes. And maybe they were right. He knew he wasn't exactly Prince Charming. They loved Buffy and wanted her to have the best. He knew he wasn't it. But he was too selfish to let her go. He may not be a good man, or a man at all, but everything he had, every ounce of love and devotion he possessed, was hers.  
  
  
He stomped out his cigarette and contemplated just taking off and going home. But then he realized that he wasn't leaving this place unless Buffy was with him. He wasn't going to leave her there alone to be interrogated. This was his business too.  
  
  
Just then, the door to the shop opened and Giles stepped outside. Spike looked over at him and sighed. He braced himself for the Watcher's fatherly threats to come spilling out.  
  
  
"We need to talk, Spike." Giles said, uncomfortably.  
  
  
"Look, what else do you want me to say? I know she's like a daughter to you. All I can tell you is that I love her and I promise to take good care of her." He said, tiring of discussing the matter.  
  
  
"I know you will." Giles said softly.  
  
  
Spike looked at him in disbelief. He was ready for an argument and wasn't prepared for the Watcher to agree with him.  
  
  
"What?" Spike asked.  
  
  
"I said, I know you will take care of her." He told him taking his glasses off and nervously wiping them. "She's your responsibility now. It's your duty...Your destiny, actually." He said to him calmly.  
  
  
"My what?" Spike asked, completely baffled by this turn of events.  
  
  
"Didn't Buffy mention the prophecy to you?" He asked seriously.  
  
  
"Prophecy? You mean the one that explained Buffy's return from the netherworld?" He asked curiously.  
  
  
"Well, yes. But did she tell you the rest of it?"  
  
  
"Guess not, cause I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about. My destiny?" Spike asked bewildered.  
  
  
"I thought she would have told you." Giles said, shaking his head. He looked up at Spike. "Spike, this prophecy spoke of a need for balance between good and evil. A dark warrior forging an alliance with the light. It said that love would cement that bond." He tried to explain.  
  
  
"Okay..." Spike said utterly confused. "What's that got to do with me?"  
  
  
"Well, it's about you. And Buffy. You were meant to join with her, to fight alongside her during the coming darkness. You two are the balance between darkness and light. You are meant to be her partner; her protector if you will." He told him sincerely.  
  
  
Spike looked at him incredulously. He started laughing nervously.  
  
  
"What? Her protector? Are you sure they were talking about me?" He said through his laughter. He knew this business wasn't funny, but it struck him as hilarious. He couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it.  
  
  
"Spike, do stop laughing. I'm very serious. The two of you are extremely important to the future of this world. The prophecy was very specific. Love would bring you two together and out of that love, would be borne the strength to defeat this darkness that they speak of." Giles said, wishing suddenly that he hadn't said anything. It was clear he wasn't going to take this notion seriously. Giles cursed himself, realizing that this was most likely why Buffy had not told him.  
  
  
Spike contemplated what he was saying to him. He was important to the future of the world? That in itself was laughable. He was a vampire, for god's sake. But the Watcher had been so serious. Spike began to wonder if there was any truth to what he was saying.  
  
  
"So you're trying to tell me that Buffy and I are some sort of super team out to save the world?" He asked seriously.  
  
  
"Something like that." Giles said, scratching his head. "You see Spike, Buffy is not just any ordinary Slayer. And you? Well, you certainly aren't a text book case vampire. I mean your ability to have real human emotions and to show a loyalty to human beings...Well, it's unusual to say the least. Do you remember what I asked you after you had gotten that chip of yours?"  
  
  
Spike looked at him and sighed.  
  
  
"You asked if I thought there was a higher purpose for me being all neutered like that." Spike said, remembering the conversation that he had abruptly put an end to.  
  
  
Giles was taken aback that Spike actually remembered.  
  
  
"Well, yes. You remembered that?"  
  
  
"Yeah. I was listening. Thought you'd completely flipped your lid, but I was listening." Spike told him, trying to absorb the information that he was receiving.  
  
  
"Well then, it seems that maybe I wasn't that far off in that assumption. It seems that perhaps you do have a reason for being here. Other than to annoy us." Giles added with a smile.  
  
  
Spike looked at him and a smile crept to his face.  
  
  
"But see, I'm good at that. Saving the world? That's Buffy's thing. I'm just along for the ride, you know? Gotta keep her happy." Spike told him.  
  
  
"I know. But the point is, you still have that desire. A desire to save the world, even if your motives are purely for her benefit. Your love for her is your guide. That's what the prophecy stated. So even though I wouldn't go so far as to say that you are 'good', you are not an entirely evil being. She balances you out, and you do the same for her." Giles explained to him.  
  
  
Spike took what he was saying to heart. He knew that he was different from other vampires. He just tried to talk big and act like he was the baddest in the land. Deep down he knew that that time in his life was over. He was no longer the vampire he once was. He'd known that for a long time. The instant he saw Buffy for the first time, he realized that nothing for him would ever be the same.  
  
  
He had felt it, even then. Of course, at the time, he figured his fixation on her only had to do with his desire to kill her. He knew he couldn't get her out of his head, but he didn't know why. Drusilla had known why, even before he did.   
  
  
Everything was starting to make sense now. It was almost comforting to think that he had some purpose in this life. After he had been chipped, he simply wandered around. Unable to kill and live the way he had done for over a hundred years. He had nothing to fight for. He didn't fit into anyone's world. He was lost. He had clung to Buffy and her friends out of desperation. Now, he knew why he had been compelled to turn to them.  
  
  
Spike thought for a long while then he looked at Giles.  
  
  
"So, I've got this destiny, huh? Who woulda thought?" He smiled, trying to get used to the sound of it.  
  
  
"It would seem so." Giles told him, feeling some relief that Spike was becoming more accepting of the news.  
  
  
"Well, as long as my so called 'destiny' includes Buffy, I'm all for it." Spike smiled.  
  
  
"Yes, well...That's good to know." Giles said unsure of what else he could say.  
  
  
"So does this mean that you approve of me and Buffy?" He asked with a smile.   
  
  
Giles sighed and rubbed his eyes.  
  
  
"Well, it's not as if I would have chosen this for her. I'd much rather see her settle down with a nice bloke, preferably of the human variety. Maybe get married and have a family one day. That's what she deserves, Spike. But, realistically, I know that that sort of life is not for Buffy." He said with resignation in his voice.  
  
  
"I make her happy." Spike said softly.  
  
  
"I see that. But don't think that I won't still be watching you. You may have a purpose, but that doesn't mean I like any of this, or you. You have a path to follow, and I intend to ensure that you follow it. I love Buffy, and if you ever hurt her in any way, I will stake you. Destiny or not." Giles said gravely.  
  
  
"Don't worry, Rupert. If I hurt her, I'll stake myself." He said to him dead serious.  
  
  
Giles took his statement to heart and nodded his head. Spike opened the door and went back inside.  
  
  
************************************************************************************************  
  
When Spike and Giles re-entered the store, they found Buffy and Xander already inside. Spike looked over at them standing with the others. He saw that the boy had a smile on his face and Buffy was laughing at something. He smiled at the sight. He had expected to see Buffy in tears, or at least yelling. He hoped it was a good sign that all seemed to have calmed down.  
  
  
Buffy looked over at them as they came in. She wondered what Spike and Giles had been talking about. She motioned Spike to come over to where they were standing and he cautiously made his approach.  
  
  
"So, is everything okay?" He addressed Buffy as he stood next to her amidst her friends.  
  
  
"It's okay." She said softly.  
  
  
Spike looked at Xander who was staring at him.  
  
  
"So, you finally come around, mate?" Spike asked him curiously.  
  
  
"No, Spike. I didn't. But if Buffy wants this, then I'm not standing in the way. Doesn't mean I have to like it." Xander told him with a cold stare.  
  
  
"Suit yourself." Spike said indifferently, as he put his arm around Buffy and leaned into her.  
  
  
"Can we go now?" He whispered into her ear.   
  
  
He noted the uncomfortable glances all around at his small display of affection. He hoped that they'd get over that soon, cause now that they knew, he wasn't about to stop touching her just because they were around.  
  
  
Buffy looked up at him and nodded her head.  
  
  
"Yeah. I'm tired anyway. My head still hurts." She pouted.  
  
  
"Want me to kiss it and make it better?" Spike asked with a smirk, as he looked at her friends wanting to see their reactions. Some mild disgust, rolling of the eyes, just what he expected, he laughed to himself.  
  
  
"Okay." She said with a little smile.  
  
  
He kissed the top of her forehead gently.  
  
  
"Will you guys just go already? I could do without the visuals." Xander told them with a grimace.  
  
  
Buffy smiled at them and sighed.  
  
  
"I'll see you guys tomorrow." She told them as Spike led her out the shop.  
  
  
Everyone stared after them and stood silently for a moment trying to absorb everything that had just happened. Everyone was still reeling from the news and trying to make sense of it all.  
  
  
"They make a really attractive couple, don't you think?" Anya asked cheerfully.  
  
  
Everyone turned and looked at her with odd expressions. She merely shrugged and continued smiling.  
  
  
  
Buffy and Spike walked slowly to her house. They weren't speaking, but he had his arm around her. Each of them consumed by their own thoughts. Spike was still numbed by the information that Giles had given him and the fact that Buffy knew about it and didn't tell him. He wasn't sure why she had kept it from him, unless she thought he couldn't handle it.  
  
  
Buffy was still thinking about her friends and how they had reacted to her unexpected news. Willow had been supportive, but skeptical. Buffy knew that she could count on her to understand at least. Anya had come up to her later and hugged her saying that she was very happy for her. Buffy had been surprised, but had welcomed the support. Xander and she had reached an understanding.  
  
  
She knew all along that he would be the hardest to convince. She also knew that he was the most protective of her aside from Giles. And Giles had already given his silent approval months ago. She knew that it was a strange situation, but given time, they'd all get used to it. It wasn't as if Spike hadn't already been hanging around for years. Now he would still be there, he'd just be Buffy's boyfriend now.  
  
  
She smiled at that thought and how weird it sounded. Spike was her boyfriend? Somehow it just sounded lame. He was hardly a boy at hundred and twenty something years old. Soul mate? Well, technically he didn't have a soul, so that wouldn't work. Maybe he could be her partner? No, too business like. Lover? No, definitely not. The gang would barf if she referred to him as that. She guessed she just have to go with boyfriend, she smiled to herself.  
  
  
They reached her front door and he looked at her.  
  
  
"You want me to come in?" He asked.  
  
  
"Yeah." She said softly.  
  
  
She opened the door and they stepped inside. She shrugged off her jacket and threw it on the couch. She kicked off her shoes and turned to face him.  
  
  
"I need to take a shower. I feel all icky." She said making a face. She still had dried blood on her forehead and she thought she may even still have some stray leaves in her hair from her tumble into the ravine.  
  
  
"Want me to wait here?" He asked, unsure if her statement was an invitation or not.  
  
  
"You can wait in my room." She smiled.  
  
  
He followed her upstairs and kissed her cheek as they parted ways. He went to her room and flipped the light on. He took off his own shoes and jacket and made himself comfortable on her bed.  
  
  
After a long, hot shower, Buffy ambled back into her room wearing a fluffy bathrobe and drying her hair. She saw Spike waiting patiently on her bed and she smiled at him. She went to her mirror and started to comb out her hair.  
  
  
He watched her intently. He couldn't believe that such a beautiful creature belonged to him. The way she moved, the way she laughed...Everything was perfect. And she loved him. Tonight she had stood up to her friends, the people she loved more than anything, and defended him. He didn't deserve her, but he didn't care. She was his and he'd never let her go.  
  
  
He stood up and walked behind her. She examined her face in the mirror, trying to see how deep the cut was and he bent down to kiss her cheek. She was startled as his reflection had not presented itself in her mirror. She turned around and faced him.  
  
  
"You scared me." She laughed.  
  
  
"Nice to know I haven't completely lost my touch." He teased her. Then he pulled her into his arms and began kissing her.   
  
  
He gently pushed her back and leaned her against her dresser. He loved the way her wet hair gently brushed against his face. He inhaled the clean fresh scent of her shampoo and he freshly scrubbed skin.  
  
  
He ran his hands down her back as his mouth continued searching hers. He cupped his hands under her bottom and lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he turned around and carried her to the bed. He laid her down gently.  
  
  
He looked into her eyes and he smiled. He saw love in those eyes. Love for him. He was nothing but a monster and she loved him anyway. It was all so wrong, yet somehow it was perfectly right. He was supposed to love her. At least, that was what the Watcher had told him.   
  
  
"I love you." He told her softly.  
  
  
"I love you too." She told him and meant it.  
  
  
He pressed his lips to hers again and gently undid the belt on her robe. He pulled it open and stared down at her smooth, perfect body. He sighed a contented sigh as he ran his hands over her form and she closed her eyes with pleasure at his touch.  
  
  
She reached up to him and pulled his shirt off. She ran her fingers over his muscled chest and pulled him back down to greet her hungry lips. His mouth broke free of hers and soon he was trailing kisses down her neck. He was aching badly for her and he fumbled with the zipper on his jeans. He soon broke free from them and tossed them aside.  
  
  
She looked into his eyes and saw the hunger he had for her and she felt her heart race. She needed him. She knew that now. It was as if he was the other half of herself. The perfect balance... He made her feel the way no one else ever had. She clutched at him and pulled him back down to her. He made the intimate connection that they both were so desperate for and she cried out softly. The way their bodies fit together it was as if they were made for each other. And maybe they were... She thought to herself.  
  
  
Afterwards, Spike lay back with Buffy's head on his chest. Her damp hair fanned across his chest as she held onto him tightly. He stroked the top of her head.  
  
  
"Spike?" Buffy asked him sleepily.  
  
  
"What is it, pet?" He asked her.  
  
  
"Do you believe in destiny?" She asked him curiously. She wanted to tell him about their connection, their shared destiny, but she wasn't sure how to approach it.  
  
  
He smiled to himself wondering if she was finally going to tell him what he already knew.  
  
  
"Why sort of question is that?" He asked, stringing her along  
  
  
" I don't know. I mean, I only ask because...Well, it's just that, you and me...You ever think there's a reason why we're together? I mean, it's not exactly a likely combination considering the fact that we're natural enemies and all that." She tried to explain herself, but ended up rambling on.  
  
  
"I don't know. What do you think?" He asked her, curious of her response.  
  
  
"I think there's a reason. I mean, isn't there a reason for everything?"  
  
  
"I suppose so." He told her softly.  
  
  
"We make a good team, I guess, don't we?" She asked hopefully.  
  
  
He smiled down at her and lifted her chin to look at him.  
  
  
"I think that you and I...Together we create a perfect balance." He said with a smirk.  
  
  
She was surprised at the terms he used to describe them and she looked at him quizzically.  
  
  
"Perfect balance?" She asked him curiously.  
  
  
He noted her reaction and smiled at her.  
  
  
"Yes, Luv. Don't you think?" He asked her as she stared at him.   
  
  
She suddenly realized that this was what Giles had been talking to him about outside the shop tonight.  
  
  
"You know, don't you?" She asked him.  
  
  
He sighed and kissed her forehead.  
  
  
"The prophecy? Yes, I know. I heard all about it from Giles. Why didn't you tell me I had some great purpose in this world, huh? Didn't think I could take it?" He asked curiously.  
  
  
She sat up and pulled the sheets around her.  
  
  
"No. I just didn't know what you'd think. I mean, I didn't know what to think when I heard it either. I'm used to this destiny junk, you know, Chosen One and all that? But you?" She said in defense of her choice to keep this secret.  
  
  
"Well, Luv, guess it's more like Chosen Two now, isn't it?" He smirked at her. "You should have told me, you know?"  
  
  
"I didn't want to. I didn't think you'd understand." She told him, getting defensive.  
  
  
"Didn't think I'd understand what? That this was meant to be? I'd been trying to tell you that all along and you were too stubborn to listen to me." He said, remembering all the times he had desperately tried to convince her that there was something between them and she had vehemently denied it.  
  
  
"I'm not stubborn. I just didn't like you." She said crossing her arms irritated.  
  
  
"You're not stubborn? You are the most inflexible person I've ever met, and I've met quite a lot of people." He told her getting huffy.  
  
  
"Well, if I'm so insufferable then what are you doing here anyway?" She asked him grumpily.  
  
  
He frowned at her and then his lips formed a smile. He started to laugh at her.  
  
  
"What's so funny?" She asked him irritated.  
  
  
"You." He said with a laugh.  
  
  
"Oh great. Not only am I annoyingly inflexible apparently I'm also something to be laughed it." She said throwing her head back in exasperation and jumping off the bed angrily.  
  
  
He grabbed her arm and pulled her back down to him. She glared at him.  
  
  
"Buffy...I love you. That's why I'm here. You know that." He said to her sincerely.  
  
  
She softened her glare and sighed.  
  
  
"You're no picnic to be around either, you know?" She told him with a half smile.  
  
  
He started to laugh again and she rolled her eyes at him.  
  
  
"Now what?" She asked.  
  
  
"Luv, if you and I are the greatest hopes for this world, then I fear for them." He said with a chuckle.  
  
  
She looked at him and started laughing herself. He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. After their laughter subsided, Buffy sighed and snuggled in closer to him.  
  
  
"You never answered my question before." She said softly to him.  
  
  
"Which question? I kinda got distracted by your tantrum." He teased her.  
  
  
She looked up at him and gave him a hard look. He leaned forward and softened it with a kiss. He pulled back and sighed.  
  
  
" You mean 'do I believe in destiny'?" He asked.  
  
  
"Yes."  
  
  
"I do now." He said softly as he pulled her close to him.  
  
  
They held each other tight. No matter how wrong they were for each other, nothing could stop this. Not meddling concerned friends, not their consciences, not even the fact that it was impossible for them to have a conversation without arguing. It was bigger than them both. They were just going sit back and let it unfold before them.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Redefining Normal

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters here. I borrow them all and let my imagination run wild. Please don't hold it against me.  
  
  
Author's Note: This is a third installment in my Bound By Destiny series. It continues on from where I left off in Confronting Destiny. In this story Angel finally makes an appearance. I think it finally needed to be done. Hope you enjoy.  
  
  
  
Redefining Normal  
  
  
  
  
  
Buffy silently walked among the racks of dresses in the bridal shop. She stopped and looked at a particularly pretty dress. It was simple, with off the shoulder sleeves and long flowing skirt. No ruffles or ugly bows. Just plain white satin with tiny embroidered flowers along the neckline.  
  
  
She pulled it off the rack and inspected it. This one is nice... She said to herself.  
  
  
She turned around and held it up.  
  
  
"What about this one, Anya?" She called out to the girl who was frantically grabbing dresses off the racks.  
  
  
Anya looked over.  
  
  
"Oh! That one is very pretty. Here, give it to me. I'll put it with all the others." She told her yanking it out of her hand.  
  
  
Buffy sighed. She had been here all morning with Anya trying to pick out the perfect wedding dress. Willow and Tara sat on a small loveseat in the corner of the room thumbing through bridal magazines. Buffy went over to them and sat down roughly.  
  
  
"This is getting boring. Why can't she just pick a dress already?" Buffy pouted.  
  
  
"It's a big thing, Buffy. I mean, she probably just wants to make sure it's gonna be perfect." Willow told her with a smile.  
  
  
"I know, but she's tried on at least five 'perfect' ones already." Buffy said.  
  
  
Willow and Tara just shrugged and continued looking at their magazines.  
  
  
Soon, Anya came out of the dressing room wearing one of the dresses she had chosen. She modeled it for everyone.  
  
  
"So, what do you think of this one? It's kind of nice, isn't it?" She asked with a smile.  
  
  
They all looked at her and agreed that it was very pretty.  
  
  
"I like that one. It makes you look sorta like a princess." Tara said with a smile.  
  
  
"Oh, I like the sound of that." Anya said admiring herself in the mirror. She whirled around. "Okay. I think I've narrowed it down to this one and three others."  
  
  
"Finally. Which three?" Buffy asked, hoping that they were nearing the end of their dress shopping experience. She wasn't sure why she was so bothered by being there. She normally loved shopping. She hated herself for even thinking it, but she had to admit that maybe she was just a little jealous of Anya. She pushed that thought out of her head guiltily.  
  
  
"These three." Anya told them holding the dresses up. "Now, I thought I'd be able to choose better if I could see them all at once, you know? Would you guys model them for me?" She asked with a desperate smile.  
  
  
Willow jumped up happily.  
  
  
"Oh! This sounds like fun. It'll be like playing dress up." She smiled.  
  
  
Tara sat back nervously.  
  
  
"I-I don't know. I never pictured myself in one of those. You know, gay and everything." She said sheepishly.  
  
  
"Come on Tara. It'll be fun." Willow said grabbing her hand and pulling her over.   
  
  
"Buffy? Will you wear this one?" Anya asked, holding out the dress that Buffy had picked out earlier.  
  
  
She stood to her feet slowly and took the dress.  
  
  
"Sure." She said softly as she went into the dressing room.  
  
  
Buffy pulled the dress on and zipped it up. She stood back admiring the way it flowed around her. She couldn't help but want to twirl around it. She whirled around and looked into the mirror again with a smile. Her smile quickly faded when the realization hit her.  
  
  
"I'm never going to get married..." She said to her sad reflection. "My boyfriend doesn't even have a birth certificate..." She pouted to herself. She forced herself to snap out of it. She shouldn't be thinking like this. It wasn't like she wanted to get married or anything. She was way too young. But still, part of her yearned for the dream that she feared she'd never achieve.  
  
  
She walked out of the room slowly and saw Will, Tara and Anya in their dresses laughing and fussing with them. They all turned to look at her as she approached.  
  
  
"Wow. I like that one." Willow said watching her.  
  
  
"Yes. That one is elegant and not too froofy." Anya said, going over to inspect it carefully.  
  
  
"Does it make you feel like a princess?" Tara asked with a smile. She was actually enjoying the little game of dress up.  
  
  
Buffy looked at her and smiled. Then she looked at her reflection in the mirror. She nodded her head.  
  
  
"I do feel like a princess..." She said softly.  
  
  
Anya finally decided on a dress. In the end she had chosen the one she had already been wearing. All the girls took off their dresses and returned them to the racks. Anya waltzed happily outside with her dress slung over her arm.  
  
  
"That was such hard work. I always thought it would be easier than that, you know?" Anya said happily.  
  
  
"Xander is gonna drool when he sees you." Willow told her with a smile.  
  
  
"I hope not. This dress cost a lot of money. I wouldn't want him to get anything on it." Anya said seriously and everyone just rolled their eyes at her. Sometimes she was so literal.  
  
  
"So tomorrow I thought we'd all meet again and this time pick out bridesmaid dresses. What do you think?" Anya asked them excitedly.  
  
  
"Sure." Will and Tara said together.  
  
  
Buffy was lost in thought and didn't answer.  
  
  
"Buffy? Is that alright?" Anya asked her, wondering why she seemed so far away.  
  
  
"What?"  
  
  
"Bridesmaid dresses? Tomorrow?"  
  
  
"Oh. Sure I guess so." She told her unenthusiastically.  
  
  
"Great! This is so much fun." Anya said happily.  
  
  
Buffy just smiled. She was excited for Anya and Xander too. She had been thrilled when they had finally made their announcement a few months ago. But Buffy still felt a small pang of envy.   
  
*****************************************************************  
  
  
Buffy walked into her house and threw her stuff onto the couch. Dawn peeked her head out of the kitchen.  
  
  
"Is that you Buffy?" She called out.  
  
  
"It's me. What are you doing in there? I know you're not cooking because the smoke alarm isn't going off." Buffy teased her.  
  
  
"Very funny." Dawn said coming out to the living room. "I didn't know when you'd be back so I ordered pizza. There's still some left."  
  
  
"Thanks. I'm starved. I had a long day of wedding shopping and let me tell you, it's exhausting. And it isn't even my wedding." Buffy told her with a smile.  
  
  
"Well, maybe it'll be your turn soon." Dawn said with an innocent smile.  
  
  
"Oh, please, Dawn. As if I'd marry Spike." She said rolling her eyes. "Besides, vampires don't get married."  
  
  
"Why not? You were gonna marry him before." Dawn teased her.  
  
  
"Willow's spell? Please Dawnie. It wasn't like we were big with the reality back then." Buffy rolled her eyes.  
  
  
"Still... Why wouldn't you want to marry him. You love him, don't you?" Dawn asked her curiously.  
  
  
Buffy thought for a moment and looked at Dawn.  
  
  
"Of course I love him. But marriage? He doesn't quite strike me as the marrying type. Besides, he's a vampire, remember? Till death do us part kinda doesn't have the same meaning for him. He's gonna live forever and I'm gonna get wrinkly and old. That is if another apocalypse doesn't get to us first. Which in that case, none of this matters anyway." Buffy rambled on.  
  
  
"Okay. Point taken." Dawn said rolling her eyes. "But I bet he'd look all cute and stuff in a tux." Dawn giggled to herself.  
  
  
Buffy had to laugh at that image. She just couldn't imagine him in anything but his usual attire especially a tuxedo.  
  
  
"He would be cute..." Buffy said thinking about it to herself.  
  
**************************************************************  
  
  
Cordy, Angel and Wesley sat alone at the hotel. It was a slow night in Los Angeles. Resident evil seemed to be on holiday. Cordy filed her nails and Angel was reading a book while Wesley tended to some paperwork.  
  
  
"Man, I am so bored." Cordy said to no one in particular.  
  
  
"Why don't you just go home, Cordy?" Angel said, not looking up from his book.  
  
  
"Because, it's boring there too. At least here I have someone to complain to. Dennis doesn't like it when I whine." She said.  
  
  
"We know how he feels." Wesley said under his breath.  
  
  
"I heard that." She snapped back at him.  
  
  
Angel just shook his head in amusement and continued to read. He was lost in the reading and his own thoughts. He had found out about Buffy's return several months ago. Willow had called him and told him the unbelievable news. She had rambled on about prophecies and tests. He knew those sort of terms well.   
  
  
He had wanted to see her right away, but wasn't sure what to say to her. He had instead settled on a phone call. The sound of her voice had brought tears to his eyes and he wanted so badly to see her. She had assured him that she was doing well, and that seeing each other would only complicate things again.  
  
  
He reluctantly agreed with her. They had kept up phone conversations for a few weeks after, but then she had told him that they were headed back towards something neither of them could deal with again. She had thought it best that they just stop and leave things the way they were before. Separate lives, was what she had said.  
  
  
When he had learned that she died, he'd been completely devastated. He had gone briefly back to Sunnydale to see everyone and to visit her grave. He had missed the funeral while he and the others had been stuck in Pylea. No one had said much to him. They had all been numb with grief and shock, just as he had been.  
  
  
He hated thinking about that now and only concentrated on the fact that she was alive again and apparently doing well. It warmed him in the knowledge that she was still out there living even if she wasn't in his life anymore.  
  
  
Just then Cordy dropped her nail file and grabbed her head in pain. Angel and Wesley rushed to her side. The images flashed before her eyes rapidly and she tried to make sense of them.  
  
  
"What did you see?" Angel asked concerned.   
  
  
"I saw some vampires, a group of them. They're in a graveyard. There was a girl there. She was blonde...It was Buffy!" She shouted out.  
  
  
"Is she in danger? Cordy?" Angel asked frantically. Losing her now would send him over the edge.  
  
  
"I don't know. Someone else was there...It...It was Spike! And he grabbed her and I think...I think he was biting her?" Cordy said perplexed, she couldn't quite make out the conclusion of the vision, but she assumed that he was trying bite her. What else would he being doing?  
  
  
"Spike? I'm gonna kill him." Angel fumed grabbing his coat and heading for the door.  
  
  
"Wait! Where are you going?" Cordy asked him.  
  
  
"Where do you think? Sunnydale. Buffy needs me. I just hope I won't be too late."  
  
  
"We'll come too." Wesley piped up.  
  
  
"No. This is something I have to do myself. Something I should have done a long time ago." Angel said angrily as he marched out the door.  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
  
Angel had made record time speeding down the highway. He made the trip in less than two hours and parked his car downtown. He realized that in his haste to leave, he didn't bother to ask Cordy if she knew which cemetery it was. He cursed to himself and wondered if he should just call her. But then it might be too late. He set off on foot to comb all the cemeteries he knew Buffy patrolled.  
  
  
Buffy and Spike walked slowly though the graveyard. She was twirling her stake and he was watching her with a smile.  
  
  
"So, Luv, you want to call it a night? There's not much action tonight, and I can think of some other more 'active' things we could be doing." He said with a seductive smile.  
  
  
She punched his arm.  
  
  
"Maybe later." She teased him. Then she shook her head. "No, I get the weird feeling that this is some sort of calm before the storm. I don't know why but my senses are telling me that something big is gonna happen tonight. I can feel it." She said kind of creeped out by the strange feelings she was having.  
  
  
"Whatever you say, Slayer." Spike said shrugging and glancing around.  
  
  
They walked for a little while longer until they came across a small group of vampires huddled near the opening of a crypt.   
  
  
"Looks like maybe you were right." Spike whispered to her.  
  
  
They approached and the attack began quickly. Punches were thrown, kicks were made, and vampires were dusted. All in all, the face off lasted only a short time before Buffy and Spike stood there alone again dusting themselves off.  
  
  
"Well, that was almost too easy." Spike said shaking his head.  
  
  
"Yeah. It was kind of a let down." Buffy said shaking her head. She still had the weird feeling in the pit of her stomach.  
  
  
"So that was the so called 'storm' you were talking about?" He asked with a smirk.  
  
  
"I guess." She said shrugging her shoulders.  
  
  
Spike looked at her and smiled. He reached out and grabbed her into his arms.  
  
  
"Come here." He said to her with lust in his eyes.  
  
  
She laughed and tried to push him away teasingly. He held on tighter and she struggled playfully against his grasp.  
  
  
"Don't look at me like that." She joked with him.  
  
  
"I can't help it. You're just so sexy after you fight." He purred into her ear.  
  
  
They continued to joke with each other this way while he held onto her tightly. Angel walked up from the shadows and saw them in the distance. He witnessed Spike grab Buffy and saw her trying to push him away. He felt the anger mounting inside as he broke off into a run.  
  
  
Spike leaned into Buffy and attempted to kiss her neck. Just then, Angel hurled himself through the air and tackled Spike to the ground roughly. Buffy jumped back completely startled by this sneak attack. She drew her stake and rushed over.  
  
  
"I am gonna kill you this time, Spike!" Angel shouted as he pummeled his fists into Spike's face.  
  
  
"Angel?" Buffy asked completely baffled about the turn of events. Now she knew where the uneasy feeling was coming from. This was not going to be pretty.  
  
  
Angel either didn't hear her or was ignoring her in his vengeful attack on Spike. Spike had been stunned and momentarily rendered useless against Angel's assault, but he was snapping out of it. He kicked his legs up and tossed Angel off of him roughly. He jumped to his feet.  
  
  
Angel quickly rose and they squared off violently against each other. Buffy stood there too numb to move at first.   
  
  
"Stop it!" She shouted. "Angel! Leave him alone."  
  
  
Angel turned his head to face her and Spike took the opportunity to deal a good blow to Angel's cheek. Angel growled at Spike and lunged forward. Buffy sighed loudly and rolled her eyes.  
  
  
She watched as the two vampires attempted to beat each other senseless. Finally she had had more than enough.  
  
  
"I said 'Stop it'!" She shouted as she went over and kicked Angel in the stomach and punched Spike in the face, effectively separating them.   
  
  
They both stumbled back in opposite directions and landed on the ground. They both looked at her with their full game faces on. She shook her head and looked to the sky.  
  
  
"This can't be my life..." She muttered unhappily to whatever power was listening to her.  
  
  
Angel stood to his feet first.  
  
  
"Buffy, are you alright? What's going on? I saw him trying to bite you." He said beginning to get confused.  
  
  
"I wasn't trying to bite her, you wanker." Spike hissed angrily as he got to his feet.  
  
  
Buffy stood between them both holding out her arms, trying to prevent any further attacks.  
  
  
"Right, Spike. I believe you." Angel said sarcastically.  
  
  
"He wasn't trying to bite me." Buffy said pointedly to him.  
  
  
Angel looked at her perplexed and then over at Spike who had a smug look on his face.  
  
  
"What was he doing then?" Angel asked, not certain he wanted to know.  
  
  
"I was kissing my girl." Spike said smugly.  
  
  
Buffy shot him a look that could kill, and Spike stopped smiling. Angel stood there with a look of disbelief on his face that was once again human.  
  
  
"You were whatting your who?" Angel asked shaking his head to try and clear his mind.  
  
  
"Angel..." Buffy started but then had no idea what else to say.  
  
  
"Do you want to tell him or shall I?" Spike asked looking at Angel with evil satisfaction. There was no love lost between the two of them and Spike was enjoying watching him squirm.  
  
  
Buffy turned to him sharply.  
  
  
"Just shut up, Spike." She said to him angrily. He was making a horrible moment even worse for her.  
  
  
"Will somebody please tell me what the hell is going here?" Angel asked looking at Buffy imploringly.  
  
  
"Angel, it's sort of a long story..." Buffy started uncomfortably.  
  
  
"Wait. You don't actually mean that he's telling the truth, do you?" Angel asked angrily.  
  
  
"Kinda stings to know you've been replaced, doesn't it, mate?" Spike laughed. "I guess you weren't the only vampire she found irresistible."  
  
  
But his laughter was short lived when Angel socked him across the face again. Spike attempted to fight back but Buffy grabbed him.   
  
  
"You are not helping." She said to him in a low, angry voice. "Just go home."  
  
  
Spike looked extremely hurt by her words and tried to plead with her with his eyes.  
  
  
"Buffy..." He started.  
  
  
"Go. Now." She said firmly.  
  
  
"Just let me finish him off." He pleaded to her. He hated that she was trying to make him leave.  
  
  
"I'm not letting anybody finish anybody off." She said angrily.  
  
  
"Get out of here, Spike." Angel said loudly, still completely confused as to what was actually going on.  
  
  
"You don't get to tell me what to do." Spike said attempting to get into his face again. Buffy held him back.  
  
  
"But I do. And I say go." She said "Go home."  
  
  
He looked at her with hurt and anger. Then he looked at Angel who was giving him a look that could only be described as murderous. Spike let out a defeated sigh and glared at Angel.   
  
  
"She's my Slayer now, Angel. Don't forget that."  
  
  
He turned and walked away seething with jealousy and hatred. Not to mention hurt feelings.  
  
  
He muttered to himself angrily as he walked back towards his crypt.  
  
  
"Oh look! Angel's back in town. Spike, get lost. I need to be alone with poofy the wonder vamp." He said mocking Buffy and hating Angel.  
  
  
Angel and Buffy watched him walk away and Buffy turned to face an angry and confused Angel.  
  
  
"I know this seems a little strange..." Buffy said sheepishly.  
  
  
"Strange? No, this seems insane, Buffy. What the hell are you doing? And with Spike?" He asked shuddering at the thought.   
  
  
"There is so much you don't know Angel. So much, that I don't even know where to start." She said hopelessly as she sat down on top of a grave marker. "Spike is not the same as he was when you knew him."  
  
  
"Seemed the same to me." Angel said bitterly rubbing his jaw where Spike had hit him.  
  
  
"Well, he's not. Didn't Willow tell you anything about him? I know she's the one who brought you back here...You know, after." Buffy said softly. She knew her death was still a painful subject for him.  
  
  
"No. We were sort of busy grieving for you at the time to chit chat about Spike." He said bitterly.  
  
  
"Well then I guess you don't know about the chip either." She told him.  
  
  
"The what?"  
  
  
"Guess not." She muttered and looked at Angel's bewildered expression. "Look, about two and half years ago, Spike was captured by the Initiative. Do you remember them? Riley worked for them?" She asked, trying to jog his memory.  
  
  
Angel nodded his head slowly and she continued.  
  
  
"Well, they were big into experiments and Spike was one of their lab rats, I guess. They put this chip thing in his head and now he can't hurt humans, only demons." She explained.  
  
  
"You mean Spike can't kill or feed?" Angel asked not understanding.  
  
  
Buffy nodded and Angel started to laugh.  
  
  
"What's funny?" She asked curiously and getting irritated.  
  
  
"This. This whole thing is funny. He actually convinced you guys that he's what? Neutered?" Angel laughed.  
  
  
"This isn't a joke, Angel. It's true. He's been working with us ever since. Well, pretty much. I mean, we sort of paid him at first, but not anymore." She said to him.  
  
  
"Paid him? You guys paid him? Why didn't you just kill him?" Angel asked shaking his head.  
  
  
"Because. He was all helpless and stuff. I couldn't kill him." Buffy said sadly.  
  
  
"You couldn't kill him, so you decided to date him? This is insane, Buffy. Okay, say he really is 'harmless' that doesn't mean he's good. It doesn't mean he's your friend." Angel protested.  
  
  
Buffy groaned and rolled her eyes in frustration.  
  
  
"Look, I've heard this all before from like a billion people. No, he's not 'good' he'll never be 'good'. But he's not evil, and he's not dangerous. Not anymore. I trust him... and he loves me." She added softly.  
  
  
Angel's amused smirk turned into a frown.  
  
  
"He loves you?"  
  
  
"Yes." She whispered.  
  
  
Angel threw his head back in frustration and began pacing around her.  
  
  
  
"You actually believe that, Buffy? He has no soul. He doesn't love anything, except blood." Angel said bitterly, not wanting to accept anything she was saying.  
  
  
"You're wrong. You don't know everything, Angel." She said with tears starting to form in her eyes.  
  
  
"Buffy, I do know. Before I had my soul..." He started to explain.  
  
  
"Yeah, I know. I had a front row seat to Angelus, thank you very much. I know what you were like, but that's not him. It's never been him and you know it." She said defensively.  
  
  
"I can't believe you're defending him. Buffy, he's a killer. And if what you say is true and he can't do that anymore, then it just means he's being held back. It doesn't mean he's changed. He can't change." He said holding his head and pacing.  
  
  
"He has. I didn't believe it at first. But the things he's done? You wouldn't understand. He was there with me through everything that happened with Glory..." She began to explain.  
  
  
"Obviously he was trying to get into your pants." Angel said evilly.  
  
  
Buffy hauled off and punched him.  
  
  
"Shut up." She screamed at him.  
  
  
"Well, it's true Buffy, isn't it? He doesn't love you. You're just a toy that he plays with. You're a novelty. And he's got you so blinded that you can't even see that." Angel said hurtfully.  
  
  
"You are being a pig, Angel. You have no idea what he went through, for me and for Dawn. He was kidnapped by Glory and tortured for hours. He almost died, and yet he still protected Dawn. He never once even thought of handing her over to Glory when it would have been so easy for him. And he wasn't trying to 'get into my pants' as you so eloquently put it. I had rejected him brutally. I told him he hadn't a chance in hell with me. He didn't even think that I'd know about what he did for us. And he didn't care. He did it because he loved me." She said with tears in her eyes at the frustration of the situation and the memory of what Spike had done. It was the first time she truly realized the depth of his devotion.  
  
  
Angel softened his face as he absorbed her words. He didn't know what to think or do. She was obviously convinced that Spike had changed, but Angel wasn't buying it. It was a trick or an act. It wasn't real. It couldn't be real. He shook his head.  
  
  
"So, he withstood a little torture. Big deal. Speaking of torture, did I ever tell you what happened the last time I saw him? Oh yeah, he tortured me for a couple of hours looking the ring of Amara. It was a good time. You should have been there. He had a couple of nice things to say about you too. What was the little pet name he had for you? Hmm. Oh yeah, Slutty The Vampire Slayer. That's pretty cute isn't it?" Angel said hurtfully to her.   
  
  
He could not believe she had become so deluded as to think that Spike had changed. Or that there was even a shred of good in him. It was unthinkable.  
  
  
"Stop it. That was a long time ago. I'm not gonna defend the horrible things he's done in the past any more than I'd defend the equally horrible things you've done."  
  
  
"But the difference is, I care about what I've done. Do you think he cares? Do you think he's sorry for the people he's killed? Sorry for torturing me? For trying to kill you?" He said shaking his head in dismay.  
  
  
"I don't know. I never asked. But I do know that he wouldn't ever hurt me. Not anymore. And he'd never hurt Dawn. When I needed someone, he was there. He knew I would probably never think of him in any way except with disgust and loathing and he stuck by me. When I needed someone to protect Dawn, he was there. Willing to take on the job, despite the fact that I treated him like a piece of shit. He never gave up on me like you did." She added, knowing it wasn't entirely fair, but it felt true to her.  
  
  
"That's completely unfair. I never gave up on you. I wanted you to be happy." He said to her with hurt in his eyes.  
  
  
"Well then let me be happy. Let me make my own decisions. My own mistakes. I don't need you to tell me how to run my life and who to trust, or who to..." She stopped, unable to finish her sentence.  
  
  
"Buffy...Are you...do you love him?" He asked uncomfortably, feeling the ache of tears bubbling up in his eyes.  
  
  
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. She hated seeing him so full of hurt and anger. It killed her to know that she was doing this to him. She didn't know why he had come here at all. She had made it clear to him that she wanted to keep their distance. She never intended for him to find out about any of this.  
  
  
She nodded her head slowly, almost shamefully.  
  
  
"Yes." She managed to whisper.  
  
  
Angel lowered his and tried to contain the emotion he was feeling. He was overcome with sorrow, loss, anger and confusion. The bitter sting of jealousy consumed him. It was all so overwhelming to him he didn't know what to say.  
  
  
"My god, Buffy...How did this happen? Why? I left you so that you could have a normal life. I wanted you to move on and be happy. I wanted you to be able to have all the things you wanted. I didn't leave just so you could hook up with another vampire. Especially one like Spike." He said shaking his sadly.  
  
  
He was trying to understand, but it wasn't easy. This was the woman he loved so much and she was standing before him telling him that she had moved on. And not only moved on, but with someone who was beneath her. Someone that he hated. Someone he had felt certain that they both hated. Nothing made sense.  
  
  
"I know. But see Angel, you never asked me what I wanted. You said you were leaving because it was best for me. You never bothered to stop and ask me what I thought was best for me, because you thought you already knew."   
  
  
"But you did want a normal life, didn't you? The husband, the kids, the dog? The whole thing. I couldn't give you that and Spike sure as hell can't give you that. I thought you had found something good with that Riley guy. What happened? What happened to 'normal'?" He asked her desperately.  
  
  
Buffy laughed cynically.  
  
  
"Well Angel, 'normal' decided that I wasn't attentive enough for him. Or maybe I intimidated him? I don't really remember seeing as how he ran off to Brazil or Belize or some other jungly place just to get away from me." She said angrily. "Oh yeah, and Mr. So-called normal, he got his kicks by paying vampires to bite him. Guess I didn't hold his interest enough because he would sneak out of my bed just to get bitten by some vampire whore. So then, I just sorta figured normal wasn't working out for me."   
  
  
Angel listened to her angry tirade. He could feel the pain in her voice. He couldn't believe that he would do that to her. That anyone would do that. He wanted to pull her into his arms so badly, but he didn't. It wasn't what she wanted.  
  
  
"I'm sorry, Buffy. I didn't know."  
  
  
"How could you know?" She asked with resentment in her voice. Then she shrugged her shoulders. "It doesn't matter anyway. I'm over him. I don't know that I ever really loved him. Not like I loved you anyway." She added softly.  
  
  
"Do you still love me?" He asked knowing it wasn't a fair question, but still feeling the need to utter the words.  
  
  
She looked at him sullenly. A million thoughts running through her head. Just when she thought she had found some sort of peace in her life, Angel had to show up and complicate things again. Everything about him invoked pain in her heart. The way she had loved him, the way he had left her, and the way he had hurt her. Everything was painful and she didn't want to deal with it.  
  
  
"Angel, you know I will always love you. Always. I'll never stop thinking of you or wondering about you. There will always be a place for you deep in my heart. But...but it's over, Angel. You and me...Well, there is no 'you and me' anymore. You were my first love...But you're not my last or my only. I'm sorry." She said, softly tears running down her cheeks.  
  
  
Angel tried to hold back the tears but found it harder and harder to do. His eyes glistened as he stared at her.  
  
  
"Are you sure this is what you want? I mean, I understand what you're saying. About us, anyway. But, I want you to be happy. I don't want you to have to feel pain like the pain I caused you. This thing with Spike? It's not a good thing. I don't care how much torture he endured, or how many helpful things he's done. He's still a monster, Buffy. He's not a man."   
  
  
"No. You don't know him like I know him. I realize it makes no sense. I know what he is. I know what he's done and what he's capable of. He's not like that anymore. I know you can't understand that, because he's not like you. He has done so many things in the past year that defy logic or reasoning. I know he doesn't have a soul, but he has a heart. A huge one. And even if it isn't beating, it still feels." She explained.  
  
  
"But it isn't the same." He shook his head.  
  
  
"No it isn't the same. But it doesn't mean it doesn't count. And you said you wanted me to be happy? Well, I am happy. I'm happier than I've been in a long time. The feelings I have...They aren't logical and of course they're a little dangerous, but they're real."  
  
  
"Do you want me to give my approval? You want me to say I'm happy for you? I can't. Mostly I'm just sad about it." He said softly to her.  
  
  
"I'm sorry you feel that way, but there isn't anything I can do. This is my life and I'm going to live it the way I want to. If I'm crazy, then I'm crazy. I'm on borrowed time here, Angel. I'm not even supposed to be here. I was dead. Like big time dead. Not just for a minute but for months. I'm not going waste the time I have here. I could sit around and fight the way I feel, but where would that lead me? More pain, more despair. I'd rather live each day like there is no tomorrow. Because let's face it, for me there might not be a tomorrow. I don't want to die again with any regrets." She told him, finding her peace again.  
  
  
He looked at her and closed his eyes. He was hearing what she was saying and trying to see her point of view. He didn't like to hear her talking about death and dying again, but they both knew it was just a fact of life. Her life especially. The girl he had loved so much was gone now. She had died. He knew that now. In her place was a woman who was stronger and knew what she wanted out of life. She wasn't a child anymore.  
  
  
"Buffy, I love you. I never stopped. And if this is what you want, then..." He couldn't finish the words. He just couldn't give her his approval.  
  
  
"It isn't what I want." She said softly and he looked at her curiously. "It's what I need." She smiled softly.  
  
  
He nodded his head to her sadly. She took his hand in hers and gave it a loving squeeze. She leaned up and kissed him softly. It was a kiss goodbye, he realized. She pulled back and smiled at him. Then she turned and slowly walked away. He watched her leave without another word. This time it was really over.  
  
  
He wasn't entirely sure why the Powers had given Cordy this vision. He had thought he was coming here to help Buffy and to save her. Instead, he had had his heart ripped out. Then it suddenly dawned on him. He wasn't there to save her. He was there to free her. To let her go, once and for all.  
  
  
She needed closure with him. True closure, not like what they had before. He had come here to see what he would never have believed otherwise. He needed to be free too. He couldn't keep holding onto her when he knew it was futile. Their lives were never meant to be together. No matter what they had wanted.  
  
  
They had both needed this. He realized that now. The Powers knew it too.   
  
************************************************************************  
  
  
  
Buffy lay on her bed staring at the ceiling. She was still reeling from seeing Angel again. He had brought with him so much confusion and heartache for her. And then there was Spike. He had sulked off to his crypt and she knew he was probably furious that she had told him to leave.  
  
  
She had just wanted to deal with Angel alone. Spike and Angel were like two ticking time bombs. Put them together and it wasn't going to turn out well. Their problems went far beyond her. The two had known each other for over a century, and it was a century filled with bad blood between them.  
  
  
She sighed and looked at the clock. It was almost two am. She knew she should be getting some sleep, but her mind wouldn't turn off. She heard a small knock at her door and Dawn peeked her head in cautiously.  
  
  
"Dawnie?"  
  
  
"Are you alone, Buffy?" Dawn asked, hoping she wasn't interrupting anything private.  
  
  
"I'm alone. Dawn it's way late. Why are you still up?" She asked her as she sat up.  
  
  
"Well, I heard you come in and it was all quiet. Usually I hear laughing and gross kissing noises in the hallway." She said teasing her sister.  
  
  
"Okay...Note to self, be quieter." She said with a cringe, not realizing Dawn was aware of so much.  
  
  
"Where's Spike? Did you guys have a fight or something?" She asked curiously. She knew that he was always around. He practically lived there now.  
  
  
"No. Well, not exactly. It's sort of complicated." She said not really wanting to get into the whole ordeal again.  
  
  
"Not exactly?"  
  
  
Buffy sighed and looked at Dawn.  
  
  
"We saw Angel tonight."  
  
  
"Oh...Oh, that's not good, is it?" Dawn asked with a worried look.  
  
  
"No. It really wasn't good. It was awful. Angel was hurt and angry. Spike got all puffed up and smug. They beat each other up, I told Spike to leave, and Angel and I had a little talk." She said, giving the condensed version.  
  
  
"What did he say?" Dawn asked.  
  
  
"Just that he thought I had lost my mind." Buffy said sighing.  
  
  
"Well, he doesn't know everything. Spike's different." She said in defense of her favorite vampire.  
  
  
"I know. I told him that. It was like talking to a brick wall." Buffy said with a tiny smile. "But, he still loves me Dawnie. That was the hardest part."  
  
  
"Do you still love Angel?" She asked her curiously.  
  
  
Buffy nodded her head.  
  
  
"I always will. When I see him...It's just so painful. It hurts like nothing I've ever felt."  
  
  
"So what about Spike? You guys aren't breaking up or anything are you?" Dawn asked, becoming worried.  
  
  
"No, Dawn. See, that's the thing. When I see Angel, it hurts. When I see Spike...I smile. It doesn't hurt being with him. And I don't know, maybe it should hurt, but it doesn't. With Angel it was always about pain and heartbreak. With Spike, even when he was driving me crazy, it wasn't painful." She said thoughtfully.  
  
  
"Good. I'm glad you guys aren't gonna break up." Dawn said with relief.  
  
  
"Would that bother you?" Buffy asked curiously.  
  
  
"Well, yeah. I mean, I like him and stuff. He's funny and cool. I know he's a vampire and all, but he's always been nice to me. And he makes you happy." Dawn added with a smile.  
  
  
"I know." Buffy said softly.  
  
  
"So, maybe you should go see him? He probably thinks that you and Angel ran off together. He's probably real mad and hurt. He tends to be sorta jealous." Dawn said seriously.  
  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
  
"Well, he told me. I told you before that he tells me everything, Buffy." Dawn told her with a smile.  
  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes hoping Spike didn't actually tell her sister everything about their lives together.   
  
  
"I'll see Spike later. Right now, I just want to sleep. I can talk to him later."  
  
  
"Why don't you just talk to me now?" Spike asked from the doorway. He had just walked up to hear the end of their conversation.  
  
  
"Spike? What are you doing here?" Buffy asked, slightly irritated.  
  
  
"Sorry, Luv. I let myself in. I was happy to see you hadn't changed the locks yet. Or added any magical barriers." He said sarcastically to mask his hurt feelings.  
  
  
Buffy looked at him sadly, knowing that she had hurt him earlier. Dawn shifted uncomfortably.  
  
  
"I think it's time for me to leave." She mumbled and walked out closing the door behind her.  
  
  
"Spike..." Buffy started.  
  
  
"No, save it. Angel's back. I understand. I'll just step out of the way so you and soul man can catch up on old times." He said bitterly.  
  
  
"It's not like that." She protested.  
  
  
"Really? Seemed like it to me." He said angrily. "It's always Angel, isn't it? I am so sick of living in his bloody shadow!"  
  
  
"You're not in his shadow." She told him, seeing how upset he was.  
  
  
"Please! Yes I am. I have loved exactly two women in my unlife. Both of which loved him first and loved him better apparently. Every time he shows up, suddenly I don't seem as appealing anymore. He walks into the room and suddenly the earth stops turning. I'm tossed aside like the bleedin' garbage." He fumed to her. He had more than a hundred years of jealous rage towards Angel and it was all spilling out.  
  
  
"I didn't toss you aside, Spike. I just...It was just too awkward to have you there. Besides, you were making it worse, trying to rub his nose in it." She said angrily.  
  
  
"Just wanted him to have a taste of his own medicine. He always enjoyed rubbing my nose in the fact that Drusilla wanted him more. Maybe it just felt good to know that for once, I had a little of that power. But it was stupid, because I don't. He's still better than me. I've always been lacking something, haven't I? I'm not evil enough, or now I'm not tortured enough. Always something." He said running his fingers through his hair in exasperation.  
  
  
Buffy listened to him speak and felt instantly bad. She knew that he and Angel had a troubled past, to say the least. But she had never really realized the full extent of the rivalry or the jealousy.  
  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel that way. That's not how it is. Not for me." She said softly.  
  
  
"Oh, it's not that way, is it? You take one look at him and send me on my way. What am I supposed to think? Where is the great poof anyway? Is he hiding in the closet? You two gonna see if you can work around that pesky curse?" Spike said, deliberately trying to hurt her.  
  
  
He couldn't help himself. He was so mad that he had to lash out. She had made him feel like a little kid who got sent to his room for being bad. The way she had told him to leave had made him want to scream. And most of all, his pride had been badly wounded.  
  
  
She felt like hitting him and normally she would have, but she just didn't have the strength. Mentally or physically. She was tired of fighting and tired of explaining herself to everyone. Everyone wanted answers and reasons and explanations. She had nothing left to give.  
  
  
"You know what? I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that. Me and Angel are over. We have been for a long time. I had already made my choice. But the way you're acting is making me seriously doubt my decision." She said exasperated.  
  
  
"You made your choice?" He asked quietly, feeling his anger subsiding.  
  
  
"There never even was a choice, really. Did you honestly think that I was just biding my time with you until Angel came along again? That I was settling for second best vampire? Do you really believe that when I look at you, I see Angel at all? You're nothing alike. Just because you're both vampires, doesn't mean you share anything else in common. You couldn't be more different if you tried." She told him seriously and it was true. All of it.  
  
  
Spike listened to her words and instantly felt like a complete moron. He had made a jealous fool of himself and he knew it. He hung his head down in embarrassment and remorse.  
  
  
"I'm sorry Buffy. I just...It's just that it always seems everything that I want, he gets. And if he doesn't get it, he'll just steal it away." He said softly.  
  
  
"You know, for someone who pretends that he's so tough, you are awfully insecure. You need to get over that." She told him seriously.  
  
  
He looked at her, hurt again.  
  
  
"Well, I have reasons for being this way, Buffy. It isn't like I'm proud of it. How would you feel if someone you knew overshadowed your every move? Your every achievement? Wouldn't it bother you?"  
  
  
"Probably." She said thoughtfully. "But this isn't a competition. Angel has nothing to do with us. He never has. You're the one I want to be with. Not him. It hasn't been him for a very long time."   
  
  
He moved over to where she was sitting and sat down next to her. He reached out and touched her face gently. She smiled at him.  
  
  
"I love you, Buffy. I just don't want to lose you. That's all. I know I make mistakes and I know that you deserve better..." He started to say to her sincerely.  
  
  
"I deserve to be loved and cared for. I deserve to have someone that makes me laugh, and someone who keeps me on my toes. I deserve to have someone I can talk to about anything. Someone who will protect me without making me feel weak. I deserve all of that." She told him quietly and he looked away from her not sure of what she would say next. "I already have all those things...With you." She added with a smile.  
  
  
He looked into her eyes visibly moved by her kind words and the sentiment behind them. He leaned forward and kissed her gently. She responded by pulling him closer. They laid down into the pillows and he held her tightly.  
  
  
She looked up at him and smiled.  
  
  
"I'm right where I want to be." She told him softly.  
  
  
"Me too." He said to her stroking her hair.  
  
  
Soon she had fallen asleep exhausted by the whole evening. He watched her peaceful look and wondered how he had gotten so lucky.  
  
***********************************************************  
  
  
Two weeks later Buffy stood in the bridal shop once more. They had picked their dresses out earlier, but now they were having them fitted. Buffy was up on a pedestal while the tailor made adjustments.  
  
  
Dawn stood next to her in a frilly pink dress, identical to the one Buffy wore. She was waiting her turn. She looked at Buffy and whispered.  
  
  
"These dresses are awful. Why did you guys pick these?" She shifted uncomfortably in the taffeta. It made sounds when she moved.  
  
  
"Trust me. This was the best choice. It was either this or yellow satin with a huge bow hanging from your butt." Buffy said rolling her eyes.  
  
  
Anya stood back and watched as all her bridesmaids stood around in their dresses. Willow and Tara were occupied by another tailor taking measurements.  
  
  
"Aren't these dresses pretty? They're so feminine." She smiled proudly.  
  
  
"I feel like Little Bo Peep." Willow said uncomfortably.  
  
  
"Oh stop. You look gorgeous." Anya said cheerfully.  
  
  
"Who's gonna be Xander's best man?" Dawn asked curiously, trying to steer the conversation off the icky dresses.  
  
  
She knew that Anya had asked Buffy to be her maid of honor out of sheer desperation. It wasn't like they were best friends, but Anya felt she was a safe choice. Willow had been sort of involved with Xander in the past and that made Anya uncomfortable. Buffy had been the next best choice.  
  
  
"Well, he doesn't have one yet." Anya said with irritation. They had been arguing over it for weeks. He had been procrastinating badly.  
  
  
"He doesn't have one yet? You guys are getting married in three months. Isn't that one of the first things people do? Pick their best persons?" Buffy asked.  
  
  
"Well, he doesn't have a lot of male friends. Giles is giving me away, and well, he wanted to ask you Willow, but I pointed out that even though you sleep with a woman that you weren't actually male." Anya said matter of factly.  
  
  
Willow shifted uncomfortably and looked at Tara who was giggling. Willow smiled at her.  
  
  
"Then he thought about asking Oz, but then there's the whole you and him factor. He thought you'd be uncomfortable, plus he has no idea where he is right now, so that didn't work out." Anya explained thoughtfully to Willow.  
  
  
"Oh... Well, what about someone from work? Or one of his cousins?" Willow asked, trying to get the subject off of her.  
  
  
"He asked his cousin Mark to be an usher and some guys of the guys from work, but you know, but he didn't feel any of them were best man material. Honestly, we've been fighting about this forever. If he doesn't choose someone soon it's going to ruin everything. The pictures won't look right, not to mention that the tradition will be ruined." She said desperately.  
  
  
"Why doesn't he ask Spike?" Dawn asked innocently.  
  
  
Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at her. Buffy started laughing.  
  
  
"Oh, that's a good one, Dawnie." Buffy laughed.  
  
  
"What's so funny? Spike's a guy and Xander has known him a long time." Dawn said seriously.  
  
  
"Xander hates Spike." Anya said pointedly.  
  
  
"Yeah, Dawnie, I think he'd rather pull a homeless guy off the street rather than ask Spike." Willow chimed in.  
  
  
"But it makes sense. Spike's the only one who isn't in the wedding and he is Buffy's boyfriend." Dawn said trying to get her point across.  
  
  
"Dawn look, Xander and Spike are not friends. It took a lot of convincing get Xander to allow him to come to the wedding at all." Buffy explained. She wished that all her friends would get along with Spike, but she knew it was a lot to ask.  
  
  
"Whatever. It just seems stupid to me." Dawn said rolling her eyes.  
  
  
"I'm sure that Xander will make a choice soon. If not, well, there's lots of homeless guys out there." Buffy said with a smile and everyone laughed.  
  
***********************************************************  
  
  
Willow, Tara, Anya, and Buffy sat together in the small restaurant. They had finished their dress fitting and Buffy had dropped Dawn back off at home. They wanted to have a girls night out, which was something they hadn't done in a long time.  
  
  
"This is so nice. Just us girls. What should we talk about? Boys?" Anya asked cheerfully.  
  
  
"This isn't Jr. High Anya. Besides, some of us don't care about boys." Willow said with a smile, glancing at Tara.  
  
  
"Oh right. Forgot." Anya said sheepishly. She was trying hard to fit in among them all, but it was still difficult for her. These were still mostly Xander's friends and even though they had all become closer over time, it was still awkward for her.  
  
  
Anya turned to Buffy.  
  
  
"Well, we can still talk about boy's right?" She asked with a smile.  
  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes.  
  
  
"I don't wanna." She said quietly.  
  
  
"Is something wrong? Did you and Spike have a fight?" Willow asked.  
  
  
Buffy shrugged.  
  
  
"No. We're fine. I've just been kind of blah lately." She still hadn't told anyone about Angel's surprise visit.  
  
  
"Is the sex not good anymore?" Anya asked seriously.  
  
  
Everyone looked at her uncomfortably surprised.  
  
  
Buffy shook her head.  
  
  
"No...It has nothing to do with that." She said uncomfortably.  
  
  
"That's good. Because when things get a little stale, Xander and I..." She started to explain but Willow cut her off.  
  
  
"Too much information, Anya." She said holding up her hand.  
  
  
"It's not Spike." Buffy said, ignoring both of their comments. "It's Angel. I saw him a few weeks ago." She said quietly.  
  
  
Everyone stared at her expectantly.  
  
  
"He was here? Why didn't you tell us? What happened?" Willow asked concerned. She knew that Buffy hadn't told him about Spike and she assumed that the cat was effectively out the bag now, and that could never be a good thing.  
  
  
"I should have told you guys, but I just didn't want to talk about it. It was so hard. He knows about me and Spike." She said softly.  
  
  
"Well, Spike's still breathing...Well, actually no, cause he doesn't breathe, but he's not a pile of dust, so Angel must have taken the news okay, right?" Willow asked hopefully, knowing that couldn't be true.  
  
  
"Oh yeah. He was real happy for me." Buffy said sarcastically.  
  
  
"So this is why you've been all distant lately?" Willow asked.  
  
  
"Yeah. I mean, we worked things out...sort of. But he just got me to thinking. Maybe I am crazy being with Spike? I mean, it doesn't feel crazy when I'm with him, but I know you guys think it's nuts." She said sadly. She had been in a state of inner turmoil ever since that night.  
  
  
"We don't think it's nuts." Willow said, trying to be of comfort.  
  
  
"I think it's sweet. I mean a Slayer who continually falls in love with vampires? It's sort of tragic, yet beautiful." Anya added.  
  
  
"I don't continually fall for vampires." Buffy protested. "There was only the two." She added softly.  
  
  
"Buffy, I thought you were happy and everything." Willow said.  
  
  
"I am, Will. It's just...Well, with all this stuff going on, with the wedding and all that. I guess I'm kind of wondering if I'm making the right choice. I mean, I want a wedding too someday. And with Spike? Well, that's never gonna happen." She said sadly.  
  
  
"You're jealous of my wedding?" Anya asked excitedly. She enjoyed it when people envied her.  
  
  
"No." Buffy said quickly, then sighed. "Well, a little. Is that so wrong? I mean, what girl doesn't want the fairytale? I mean, you get to have the big party, and the pretty dress, and the perfect guy to love you forever...You're lucky, Anya." She said sincerely.  
  
  
Anya smiled pleased with her comments. Willow touched Buffy's arm.  
  
  
"Buffy, you don't have to get married to have the fairytale." Willow said softly. Then she took Tara's hand and looked at her lovingly. "Some of us just have to make our own fairytale. It isn't about the party or the dress, it's about love." She said, speaking about her and Tara more than anything.  
  
  
Buffy looked at them and smiled. She had never really stopped to think that she wasn't the only one in a relationship that wasn't headed for the altar.   
  
  
"You're right." Buffy said softly.  
  
  
"Willow and I know how we feel, and just because society tells us that we shouldn't be together, or we shouldn't love each other, it doesn't matter. In our hearts, we're already married." Tara said softly looking at Willow. Willow leaned over and kissed her cheek softly. Then she turned to Buffy.  
  
  
"She's right. If you love Spike, who cares about any of it? You can make your own, unconventional little fairytale. Who cares about a wedding or a fancy dress. Marriage is just a stupid piece of paper anyway." Willow said with a smile.  
  
  
Buffy smiled. She was thankful for such good friends. They always made her feel better. Anya looked at them all and pouted.  
  
  
"Hey! Whatever happened to being jealous of me and my stupid piece of paper?" She said with hurt feelings.  
  
  
Buffy looked at her and sighed.  
  
  
"Don't worry, I'm still jealous." She said trying to appease Anya.  
  
  
Anya smiled satisfied, and everyone else rolled their eyes.  
  
***************************************************************  
  
  
Dawn and Spike sat in the living room playing video games. He had stopped by looking for Buffy and when she wasn't there, Dawn had convinced him to stay and play the new game she had gotten for her Playstation. She lured him in when she promised there was a lot of death and killing involved.  
  
  
They sat there now battling each other to the death.  
  
  
"You are so going down, Spike." She teased him.  
  
  
"I don't think so, little one. You're almost out of ammunition and I still have a stockpile of weapons." He said evilly. He was enjoying this little game.  
  
  
Just then, Dawn's videogame counterpart blew Spike's persona away. She yelled with glee.  
  
  
"Hey, that's not fair!" He protested. They had been playing for almost an hour and she had won every time.  
  
  
"Sorry Spike. But you suck." She teased him.  
  
  
He growled at her playfully and she laughed at him.  
  
  
Just then there was a knock at the door. Dawn jumped up to get it. She opened the door to see Xander standing there with a goofy grin.  
  
  
"Hey Dawnster. Is Buffy here?" He asked.  
  
  
"No, she's out with the girls." She said as Xander walked in.  
  
  
He saw Spike sitting on the living room floor fiddling with the video game controls.  
  
  
"So you and evil dead are just hanging out? Alone?" He asked, a little irritated.  
  
  
"We were just playing Death Watch." She said ignoring his evil dead comment.  
  
  
"Death Watch? That new game?" Xander said excitedly.   
  
  
"Yeah. You wanna play?" She asked him with a smile.  
  
  
Xander nodded his head and walked into the room. Spike looked up at him and smiled.  
  
  
"Be careful, mate. This one is brutal." He said jokingly pointing to Dawn.  
  
  
"Yeah, I've like killed Spike a billion times." She said proudly.  
  
  
"And sadly it's only a game." Xander said sarcastically.  
  
  
Spike gave him a dirty look and moved aside so that Dawn and Xander could sit down. They started playing. Dawn was kicking ass yet again and Spike was making fun of the way Xander was playing.   
  
  
"You're just as sloppy here as you are out in the field. It's a wonder you weren't vampire food a long time ago." Spike said with a smirk.  
  
  
"Shut up, Spike. She kicked your ass too, what, like a billion times?" Xander shot back at him as he concentrated on staying in the game.  
  
  
Just then, the phone rang. Dawn handed her controls over to Spike.   
  
  
"Here. Kill each other. Maybe you'll feel better." She said under her breath as she went for the phone.  
  
  
Spike and Xander stared each other down and then they both smiled. They were going to enjoy this.  
  
  
Dawn picked up the phone.  
  
  
"Hello?"  
  
  
"Hey Dawnie." Buffy said cheerfully. "Is everything okay at home? I was just checking in."  
  
  
"Yeah. Things are cool. Spike and Xander are here." She said casually.  
  
  
Just then the voices in the living room got louder.  
  
  
"I am gonna rip your head off, mate!" Spike shouted.  
  
  
"Oh yeah? Well, take that you evil bloodsucker!" Xander shouted maniacally.   
  
  
"You shot me! That's it, you're dead!" Spike shouted.  
  
  
Buffy listened in on the conversation and got a panicked look on her face.  
  
  
"Dawn, what the hell is going on there? Xander shot Spike?" She asked worriedly. She knew they didn't get along, but this was a little ridiculous.  
  
  
"Yeah, they're trying to kill each other. It's pretty funny actually." Dawn said with a laugh.  
  
  
"Dawn! What?" Buffy asked ready to throw the phone down and rush over there.  
  
  
"Relax, Buffy. They're playing Death Watch." Dawn said rolling her eyes. "Geez, you didn't think they were seriously killing each other, did you?"  
  
  
Buffy sighed in relief and then felt stupid.  
  
  
"Of course not." She said feeling like and idiot. "Death Watch? They're playing video games? Together? Xander and Spike?" She asked incredulously.  
  
  
"Yeah. I think it's sort of good for them, you know? It's gets their aggressions out." Dawn said thoughtfully.  
  
  
Buffy shook her head and laughed.  
  
  
"Well, okay. As long as it's just a game. I'll be home soon. We're just finishing up dinner." She told Dawn.  
  
  
"See ya." Dawn said as she hung up and went back into the living room where Spike and Xander were still playing. She saw that they both had smiles on their faces and were actually getting along amidst the death threats.  
  
  
She smiled. They so like each other. They just won't admit it. She said to herself as she sat down to watch the pretend carnage.  
  
  
Buffy walked back to her table where everyone was finishing their dinner.  
  
  
"Everything okay at home?" Willow asked.  
  
  
"Oh yeah. Xander and Spike are there." Buffy said with a smile.  
  
  
"Together? In the same room?" Willow asked surprised.  
  
  
"Yeah. They're trying to kill each other." Buffy said with a smile.  
  
  
"What? Xander is okay right? He can't get hurt now. He might look bad for the wedding pictures." Anya asked concerned.  
  
  
"They were playing video games of all things. I could hear them screaming at each other in the background. But they seemed to be having fun, which is weird." Buffy said shaking her head, pleased but perplexed.  
  
  
"Video games? Well, that's good. Maybe they're finally getting used to each other?" Willow said hopefully.  
  
  
"Maybe..." Buffy said with a smile. That was what she wanted most. For everyone to get along. It had been kind of rough the last few months with Xander. He had agreed to support Buffy, but he had been very vocal about his dislike of the situation and of Spike. She hoped that this was a step in the right direction.  
  
**************************************************************  
  
  
Dawn sat back on the couch watching the boys play their game. They hadn't even noticed her when she had come back into the room.   
  
  
"So, Xander, you still don't have best man for your wedding?" Dawn asked curiously.   
  
  
"You don't have a best man? That's pretty sad, mate. What, no friends?" Spike said with a smirk.  
  
  
"Shut up, Spike. I have lots of friends. Just that most of them are girls, and Anya is already monopolizing them to use for bridesmaids." Xander said uncomfortably. He had been stressing out over this for months, and had gotten depressed when he realized that he was always surrounded by girls. He missed having a guy to hang out with.  
  
  
"I have a great idea! Why doesn't Spike do it?" Dawn said mischievously. She wanted to see if she could talk them into it.  
  
  
They both looked at her and started laughing.  
  
  
"That's priceless." Xander laughed. "Right, like I'd have him as my best man. He's not even a man, Dawnie, he's a vampire. And I'm pretty sure he's not the best of anything."  
  
  
Spike stopped laughing and looked at Xander with a hurt expression.  
  
  
"Hey." He said wounded.  
  
  
"Well, it's true. You couldn't be the best man, you'd have to be the 'sometimes decent vampire'." Xander explained.  
  
  
Spike smiled slightly.  
  
  
"Sometimes decent, huh? I'm flattered." He said mocking him, but kind of surprised to hear a semi kind word. It was better than he expected him to say.  
  
  
Xander shrugged. He had to admit that Spike hadn't done anything lately that Xander found obnoxious, other than constantly being around. For Buffy's sake he was trying to be civil.   
  
  
"Well, don't worry. It's not as if you'd catch me dead in a monkey suit anyway." Spike said cockily.  
  
  
"Yeah, well you're already dead, pal. And besides, like I was actually entertaining the idea of asking you." Xander said sarcastically.  
  
  
"You guys are so annoying." Dawn said rolling her eyes at them. "Xander, you are getting married in a few months. Anya said she was going to kill you if you didn't pick someone soon. And Spike, you know you'd do it, especially if Buffy asked you to." She explained to them.  
  
  
"I don't do everything Buffy asks me to do." Spike said defending himself.  
  
  
"Yes you do. You're like her obedient fangy puppy." Xander said with a laugh.  
  
  
"Oh yeah? And you're such the independent man. Anya snaps her fingers and you come running. I have two words for you, mate. Pussy. Whipped." Spike said with a smirk.  
  
  
"Oh, I'm whipped? Who decided to turn his back on his very existence just to impress Buffy, huh? 'Look Buffy! I'm one of the good guys now! I'll give up evil just for you'." He said mocking the vampire.  
  
  
Spike got angry and rose to his feet.  
  
  
"That's it. I don't care if my head explodes, you and me, right now!" He said looking for a fight.  
  
  
"Oh I am so looking forward to this, Spike. Give it your best shot!" Xander said rising to face him.  
  
  
Dawn stood up and moved between them.  
  
  
"Stop it! You guys are so immature." She said rolling her eyes. "You're both big softies when it comes to love. Just admit it and move on. Geez! You two are so alike it's funny."   
  
  
They both looked at her and shook their heads.  
  
  
"We are so not alike. For one, I'm still breathing." Xander said staring at Spike.  
  
  
"Yeah, and I have much better fashion sense. Look at that shirt, mate. What were you thinking?" Spike said sarcastically pointing at Xander's colorful Hawaiian shirt.  
  
  
"You are too alike. It's so obvious. You both are like little puppy dogs around the girls you love. You both use humor to hide your real feelings. The list goes on. Everyone knows it. Face it, you guys are like twins or something." She said rolling her eyes. She was pushing it, but they were an awful lot alike.  
  
"Twins? Are you mad?" Spike scoffed.  
  
  
"Yeah, maybe if I had an evil dead twin." Xander said irritated.  
  
  
They stared at each other bitterly. Both of them unnerved by her ridiculous notion. Dawn looked at them staring each other down and rolled her eyes. They were hopeless. She threw her hands in the air.   
  
  
"You know what? On second thought, maybe you guys should just kill each other. At least we all wouldn't have to listen to you bicker." Dawn said marching upstairs.  
  
  
They watched her go and looked back at each other uncomfortably.  
  
  
"Oh god. We are alike..." Xander said horrified, as Dawn's words sunk in.  
  
  
"It's disgusting, isn't it?" Spike said shaking his head.  
  
  
Xander looked at him and sighed.  
  
  
"So you wanna be my best man?" He said barely above a whisper.  
  
  
"If you have your heart set on it." Spike said with a smirk.  
  
  
"Don't push it." Xander said and they smiled uncomfortably.  
  
  
Neither one wanted to admit that they had called a truce. Or that they did sort of like each other. That was something that neither of them would ever admit to anyone. Dawn listened from the top of the stairs and smiled to herself. She knew they'd cave eventually.  
  
**************************************************************  
  
  
  
It was the day of the wedding and everyone was getting ready. Anya was running around like a crazy person trying to get everything perfect as the girls all stood around in the bridal room.  
  
  
"Willow, your hair is all wrong. It's too poofy. Here, fix it." She said briskly handing her a comb.  
  
  
Willow rolled her eyes and shifted uncomfortably in the pink dress.  
  
  
"Buffy, you're supposed to be paying attention to things like this. You're my maid of honor. Do something." She said frantically.  
  
  
Buffy sighed and silently wished she had never agreed to this in the first place. Anya was demanding enough normally, but as a bride, she was a terror.   
  
  
On the other side of the chapel in the grooms chambers, the men were trying to get ready. Giles and Spike were in one room, why the rest of the ushers were hanging out at a makeshift bar in another room. Spike was not dressed yet and was complaining that he didn't want to put the tuxedo on. Xander was in the bathroom and suddenly Spike and Giles heard the sounds of him throwing up.  
  
  
"Oh, that's just bloody wonderful." Spike said rolling his eyes. "The groom is tossing his cookies."  
  
  
"I'm sure its just nerves, Spike. Think of how you would feel if you were pledging eternity to Anya." Giles said with a devious smirk.  
  
  
Spike had to laugh at that one.  
  
  
"Good point." He said to him.  
  
  
"Spike, you must put the tuxedo on now. I don't think Anya would be pleased you going out there like that." He said trying to convince the vampire to get dressed.  
  
  
"But it makes me look ridiculous. Like some sort of dead penguin. It's just not my style." He protested.  
  
  
"Well, dead penguin or not, you have no choice. I still can't believe Xander asked you to do this." Giles said shaking his head.   
  
  
Just then, there was a knock at the door and Buffy peeked her head in.  
  
  
"Is everyone decent?" She asked.  
  
  
"Well, Spike's not decent, but there's not much to be done about that." Giles said sarcastically.  
  
  
Spike gave him a dirty look and went over to Buffy. He eyed her pink, fluffy dress.  
  
  
"Oh my...That's certainly an interesting look for you." He teased her.  
  
  
"Shut up." She said with a pout.  
  
  
"Maybe you could go slaying later in that. It'd be funny to see the vamps keel over from laughter. You wouldn't even have to stake them." Spike said sarcastically.  
  
  
"Okay, keep laughing Spike. Where's your outfit?" She asked pointedly.  
  
  
"He won't put it on." Giles chimed in.  
  
  
Buffy went over and took the tuxedo off the rack. She grabbed Spike's hand and pulled him into a changing room.  
  
  
"I'm not putting it on." He said crossing his arms.  
  
  
"Oh yeah? If you don't, I'm gonna have to listen to Anya complain for next twenty years about how her wedding was ruined because you wouldn't wear the tux. And it'll be all my fault, because you're my boyfriend and I'm the maid of honor and it's my job to do everything." Buffy said exasperated.  
  
  
Spike listened to her tirade and smiled.  
  
  
"She's driving you insane, isn't she?" He asked.  
  
  
"Completely." She said removing his jacket and tossing it to the ground. She reached out and pulled his t-shirt over his head.  
  
  
"Ooh, I like it when you do this." He said to her seductively, pulling her closer. "Maybe we could just stay in here and no one would miss us."  
  
  
"Fat chance." She said resisting his charms. "Put this on." She handed him the starched shirt.  
  
  
He held the shirt and took off his pants. He pulled the shirt on reluctantly and watched as she fussed with the buttons and the bow tie. He leaned in and tried to kiss her. She moved her head out of the way.  
  
  
"What's wrong?" He asked her.  
  
  
"Nothing. But if you kiss me now, it will become painfully obvious that you are standing here without your pants on. Get dressed first and then smoochies." She teased him.  
  
  
He sighed and pulled the stiff, black slacks on. She stood back and scrutinized him. A smile crept over her face.  
  
  
"I look ridiculous, don't I?" He said shaking his head, waiting for her laughter.  
  
  
She shook her head.  
  
  
"You look..." She started.  
  
  
"Like a dead penguin." He said interrupting her.  
  
  
"No. Gorgeous. You look gorgeous." She said with a satisfied smile. Dawn had said he would look cute and she was right. It was strange to see him that way, but it was nice. It was easy to forget what he was, at least until she turned and glanced into the mirror expecting to see his reflection which wasn't there. "I wish you could see yourself."  
  
  
"I'm kind of glad I can't." He said.  
  
  
He still couldn't believe what had become of him. It wasn't all that long ago he was prancing around trying to kill these people, and now here he was dressing up for Xander's wedding. It was unbelievable. The fact that Buffy and he were together at all was unbelievable. He looked at her now and smiled. She looked truly beautiful, despite the silly dress that didn't suit her.  
  
  
For just a fleeting moment, he wished that it was the two of them who were getting married. He shook the thought out of his head quickly. A vampire marrying a Slayer? Yeah, that was gonna happen. He thought to himself. A vampire getting married at all was a ridiculous notion, but somehow Buffy made him forget that.  
  
  
He pulled her into his arms and kissed her passionately. She threw her arms around his neck and pushed him against the changing room wall. He ran his hands up her back and near her hair. She muttered to him between kisses.  
  
  
"Don't mess up my hair. Anya will go ballistic." She said to him.  
  
  
He quickly removed his hands from their near dangerous area and put them lower. Much lower, in fact. He squeezed her butt and pulled her to him.  
  
  
He whispered to her hungrily.  
  
  
"She won't mind if I touch you there, will she? Or does she lay claim to your ass as well?" He teased her.  
  
  
She started laughing and removed his hands from her nether regions.  
  
  
"Stop it. You're gonna wrinkle my taffeta."  
  
  
Just then, there was a loud knock on the door.  
  
  
"Please tell me you guys are not having sex in there." Xander said desperately. "I've already lost my lunch once today."  
  
  
Buffy straightened her dress and handed Spike his jacket. She opened the door quickly.  
  
  
"Xander." She said embarrassed. "You look...nauseous. That's not because of us, is it?" She asked sheepishly.  
  
  
"No, that's because I'm about to walk down the aisle and pledge the rest of my life to a 1000 year old ex-demon."  
  
  
"Cold feet, eh?" Spike asked.  
  
  
"My feet are numb." Xander said nervously.  
  
  
"That's understandable. I hear every guy gets a little nervous before something like this. Just relax and try to think of the honeymoon." Spike said trying to be reassuring.  
  
  
"I'm trying, but a honeymoon involves an actual wedding beforehand, and that's when I start to feel nauseous." He said, beginning to sweat.  
  
  
"Xander, come on. You love Anya. You should see how excited she is, and how beautiful she looks. Once you see her, you'll forget all about this." Buffy said touching his arm gently. She could see the utter fear on her friends face.  
  
  
"I bet she does look beautiful, doesn't she?" Xander said, trying to focus on that image.  
  
  
"Come on mate. I think you need to gargle or something beforehand. You can't kiss your bride with barf breath." Spike said taking his arm and leading him to the bathroom.  
  
  
Buffy sighed and walked out to the main room. Giles stood there pacing around like a nervous father.  
  
  
"Excited?" She asked him.  
  
  
"More like I just want to get on with it. I'm afraid I'll trip or something." Giles said anxiously.  
  
  
"You'll do fine." She smiled.  
  
  
"I still can't believe she asked me to give her away." He said shaking his head.  
  
  
"Well, you are sort of like a father figure." She said touching his arm. "To me anyway."  
  
  
"Oh Buffy. Thank you." He said sincerely.   
  
  
"Remember when I asked you to give me away when I was going to marry Spike?" She asked with a smile.  
  
  
"Unfortunately yes." He joked with her. "I was very touched despite the circumstances."  
  
  
"Well, I'd still ask you to do it." She said smiling at him. "And hey, look who I'm dating? Maybe you'll get your chance." She teased.  
  
  
He laughed and she gave him a hug.  
  
  
"I better get back to Anya. She's probably yelling at everyone by now. It's almost showtime."  
  
  
Buffy walked back out and down the hall. She heard the frantic tirade of Anya through the door. She took a deep breath and walked inside.  
  
  
"There you are! I thought you had run off. I was about to get very upset." She scolded Buffy.  
  
  
Willow mumbled under her breath.  
  
  
"About to? You've been bitching the whole time."  
  
  
"I heard that Willow." She snapped back.  
  
  
Buffy walked over to Anya and forced a smile.  
  
  
"You look beautiful." She said sincerely.  
  
  
Anya's irritation melted away.  
  
  
"Oh thank you." She said throwing her arms around Buffy and beginning to get teary.  
  
  
"Don't cry Anya. You'll ruin your makeup." Buffy said, reaching over for a tissue.  
  
  
"You're right. I'm just so overwhelmed." She sighed.  
  
  
"I know. It's almost time though." She told her.  
  
  
"How was Xander? He looked good right?" Anya asked.  
  
  
"He looked very handsome." Buffy said honestly. He did look good, aside from the look of panic and nausea on his face. Buffy wouldn't mention that.  
  
  
The wedding director came in and announced that it was time to begin. Everyone filed into their places. Giles appeared at the door to take Anya's arm. Everyone took a deep breath and shuffled out.  
  
  
The wedding went off perfectly. Xander and Anya were a perfect couple. Xander managed to keep his stomach contents on the inside. He hadn't a trace of the nerves that had plagued him only moments before.  
  
  
The reception was now in full swing. Xander and Anya were dancing in the middle of the room and everyone looked on. Tara and Willow held hands and smiled. Buffy stood beside them with Spike behind her. He had wrapped his arms around her and was holding her tightly.  
  
  
Soon everyone began to dance. Spike took Buffy and pulled her into his arms.  
  
  
"I've been dying to dance with you." He whispered to her.  
  
  
"I thought we've always been dancing." She teased him, bringing his own words back to haunt him.  
  
  
"Yeah, well not like this." He said kissing her neck softly.  
  
  
Everyone was having a great time and couldn't believe that it was almost over. Buffy gathered everyone around and announced that it was time for the bouquet and garter toss.  
  
  
"All the single men first." She announced.  
  
  
A large group of men moved forward as Xander removed Anya's garter to the sound of hoot's and holler's. Spike stood back away from the festivities. Buffy motioned him forward trying to get him involved. He rolled his eyes and stepped forward with the other men.  
  
  
Xander tossed the garter into the air and Spike saw it coming his direction. There were other men in front of him, so he stepped back to let them have at it. This was a stupid tradition anyway. As if he wanted to catch it.  
  
  
Just as he was stepping back, the men in front of him jumped out of the way as a joke. They didn't want to be next and thought it would be funny to leap out of the path of the flying garter. Spike watched as it landed in his hand. He didn't even remember reaching out, but there it was sitting in his hand.  
  
  
People cheered and patted him on the back. He stared at the frilly piece of fabric and gulped. It's just a stupid tradition. It doesn't mean anything. He said to himself.   
  
  
The next thing he heard was Buffy's voice telling the women to line up. He stepped out of the way and sat down in a chair still staring at the garter.  
  
  
He watched as the women all fought for a front row seat. Dawn moved in next to Buffy.  
  
  
"Hey. You don't need to be catching any bouquets." Buffy's told her jokingly.  
  
  
"Did you see who caught the garter?" Dawn asked innocently.  
  
  
"Yes, I did." Buffy said with a smirk. "He looked like he was gonna be sick." She laughed.  
  
  
Anya stood at the top of a staircase and flipped the bouquet down to the waiting ladies. Girls frantically scrambled for the flying flowers. Buffy silently knew she wanted to catch it, even though she knew it wouldn't mean anything. She tried to play it cool, but when she saw it hurtling towards her, she jumped up and snatched it out of the air and clutched it to her.  
  
  
She heard everyone laughing and congratulating her. She looked over at Spike who sat there with a nervous look on his face. She walked over to him and sat down.  
  
  
"Lucky us, huh?" She said softly. She could see he was wigged out.  
  
  
"Uh-huh." He said absently.  
  
  
"It doesn't mean anything. It's just for fun Spike." She said trying to calm his fears.  
  
  
He looked at her and smiled.  
  
  
"I know that, Buffy. It's just...Well, I wish it did mean something." He said to her seriously.  
  
  
"You do?" She asked completely stunned.  
  
  
"I know you want this." He said motioning around at their surroundings. "You want a special day like this, with all your friends...If you weren't with me..." He started sadly. He used to be afraid he'd never get the chance to have her. Now that he had her, he was more terrified of not being able to hold onto her.  
  
  
He had nothing to offer her, except his love. But what was a vampire's love really worth? Not much, he figured. He wasn't stupid enough, or selfless enough to run out on her like Angel had, just because they were wrong for each other. But he always feared she'd tire of him and move on to something normal.  
  
  
He knew that this elusive prophecy had stated they were meant to be together, but things like that weren't always accurate. And what if Buffy changed her mind? It wouldn't be the first time she had thwarted a prophecy, he knew.  
  
  
Buffy took his hand and held it.  
  
  
"Spike...I don't need a fancy party to know how I feel." She said sincerely. "You and me...we don't need all this. We have it all right here." She said placing his hand over her heart.  
  
  
He leaned forward and kissed her gently. He pulled her onto his lap and they began kissing more passionately. Dawn walked up and interrupted them.  
  
  
"Get a room." She said jokingly. They looked up at her and smiled. "They're getting ready to leave."  
  
  
Dawn left them to themselves and they smiled at each other.   
  
  
"Guess we should say goodbye, huh?" Buffy said removing herself from his lap.  
  
  
Spike took her hand and pulled her close again.  
  
  
"Did I tell you how beautiful you looked tonight?" He asked her, still feeling the power of her words to him earlier. He couldn't believe she loved him that much, it just wasn't right. It was too good.  
  
  
She smiled at him and kissed him quickly.  
  
  
"Come on. You can tell me later when we're at my house." She said, taking his hand and pulling him along with her. "I can't wait to get out of this awful dress."  
  
  
"I can't wait to get you out of it either." He smirked.  
  
  
Buffy and Spike got up and went outside to watch the newlyweds leave. It was evening by now, so Spike was able to join them. Everyone waved and cheered as the two lovebirds hopped into their waiting limo.   
  
  
Buffy put her arms around Spike and held him tight. She really did love him. She knew she would be missing out on certain things being with him. She knew they were totally wrong for each other, but she just didn't want to stop it.  
  
  
Spike turned to her and kissed her gently. He looked into her eyes. She looked deep in thought.  
  
  
"Are you alright?" He asked her curiously.  
  
  
"I'm fine. Just thinking about how happy they were." She said softly.  
  
  
He turned and watched as the car drove away. Everyone started to go back inside to collect their things and get ready to leave.  
  
  
"You want to go back in? I think it's our cue to get gone." He said with a smile.  
  
  
She looked at him and smiled.   
  
  
"You go on back in and get our stuff. I'll wait here." She said softly.  
  
  
He looked at her curiously. She was acting a little strange and he didn't know why. But he figured it best to just leave her be and get their stuff so they could go home. He walked back inside hesitantly leaving her standing outside.  
  
  
Buffy had just wanted a few minutes alone. She wanted to think about everything. She was so happy for Xander and Anya. They had managed to find something special. She was glad that her friends were happy. And maybe she wouldn't ever have the same kind of things they would have, but she still had something. It wasn't normal. But that was okay. It was something outrageous and crazy but wonderful. That was all she needed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Downward Spiral

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters here. In fact, I'm pretty sure Joss would not approve of the way I'm twisting his characters, so don't tell him.  
  
  
Author's note: This installment of the story takes a different turn and veers off into pure fantasy. But that's what fic is for, right? Enjoy, I hope.  
  
  
  
Downward Spiral  
  
  
  
Giles sat in his living room with piles of books surrounding him. He had recently acquired several rare and ancient books from a dealer that Willow had discovered on the Internet. He had been engrossed in them for three days now, barely wanting to tear himself away.  
  
  
He had decided to take a sort of mini vacation, leaving Anya in charge of the magic shop. She had been back from her honeymoon for a little over a month, and was grateful for the extra hours to help pay off the trip.  
  
  
Giles had been particularly fascinated and disturbed by a particular book. It was written entirely in archaic Latin, and was taking him some time to translate. What he had uncovered so far had stunned him and disturbed him. He wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to share this new information with anyone, especially Buffy.  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
Buffy sat alone in her room. It was nearly noon time and she was still not dressed. She had been so tired that she had slept in late, which was something she rarely did. It was Saturday, so she hadn't had to take Dawn to school. She had sent Spike back to his place last night, claiming she was just too exhausted for anything other than sleep. He had complained, but went anyway.  
  
  
They had slayed an average amount of vampires that night, but even then she wasn't at her best. She had no idea what was wrong with her. Maybe she just needed a break? She thought. She got up off the bed and headed to the shower.  
  
  
She passed Dawn in the hall.  
  
  
"You're finally up? What's wrong with you?" Dawn asked, noticing the bags under her eyes.  
  
  
"Nothing. I'm just tired, that's all. I think I need a vacation." She yawned.  
  
  
"Do Slayer's get paid time off?" Dawn teased her.  
  
  
"Actually Slayers don't get paid anything." Buffy said shaking her head.  
  
  
"That's really lame. Giles gets paid and stuff, and all he does watch while you do all the work." Dawn said thoughtfully.  
  
  
"I know. Life sucks. But destiny calls." She said with a sigh. "I'm gonna take a shower."  
  
  
Dawn let her pass and she headed downstairs. When she reached the bottom she heard a knock at the door. She went to answer it and found Willow standing there with a big smile.  
  
  
"Hey Dawnie. Is Buffy here?" She asked cheerfully.  
  
  
"She's taking a shower. Come in and wait if you want." She said letting Willow inside.  
  
  
"Is she just getting up? It's lunchtime already." Willow said curiously. "Is she sick?"  
  
  
"No. She's fine, just tired. She says she needs a vacation." Dawn said shrugging her shoulders.  
  
  
"Oh, well I just wanted to see if she wanted some lunch or something. Then I thought maybe we could go shopping. Tara's busy today and Buffy and I haven't hung out just the two of us in a long time." Willow explained. "What are your plans? You wanna come hang out with us?"  
  
  
"Nah, one of my friends is coming over and we're gonna hang at the mall." Dawn told her.  
  
  
They sat down in the living room and chatted until they heard Buffy get out of the shower and her bedroom door close. Willow said she was gonna go up talk to Buffy. She went upstairs and knocked on the door.  
  
  
"Hey, Will." Buffy said with a smile as her friend peeked in.  
  
  
"Late start today, huh?" Willow asked with a grin.  
  
  
"Yeah. I think dating a vampire is rubbing off on me. You know, up all night, sleep all day." Buffy said with a laugh. "So what's up? Please don't tell me there's a new evil lurking, cause right now I don't care."  
  
  
"No, no evil, just an offer of lunch and shopping." Willow told her.  
  
  
"That's sounds fun. Just us?"  
  
  
"Yup. Sound cool?"  
  
  
"It's sounds great. Let me just finish getting dressed." Buffy told her going to her closet to find something suitable.  
  
  
They walked downstairs and told Dawn goodbye. Her friend was on her way over to pick Dawn up and Buffy made her promise to lock up and not get into trouble. Dawn rolled her eyes and agreed. Buffy and Willow got into Buffy's car.  
  
  
"Being a parent is a lot harder than I thought it would be." Buffy said thoughtfully.  
  
  
"Well, you're not exactly a parent Buffy. You're her sister." Willow explained.  
  
  
"I know, but I have to be both. Without mom here...Well, it's just a lot of responsibility. I have to do all these grown up things like pay bills, and pick up dry cleaning. Plus, I have to make sure Dawn does her homework, doesn't start dating inappropriate boys, and doesn't start smoking pot or something. Plus, I have to save the world from evil nasties on a nightly basis. It's all a little much sometimes." Buffy complained.  
  
  
Willow felt sympathy for Buffy. She knew it had been hard for her to do everything. Willow didn't know how she did it all.  
  
  
"No wonder you're tired. Buffy, if you need help or something, let me know. I can run errands or something." Willow offered.  
  
  
"No, it's okay Will. I'm just ranting. I'll be okay. Nothing that a hot fudge sundae wouldn't cure." She said with a smile.  
  
  
They headed to a small restaurant for lunch. They sat down and Buffy stared at the menu. She was really hungry. She hadn't eaten dinner the night before and now she couldn't make up her mind.  
  
  
"It all sounds good. I'm starving." She told Willow as she inspected the menu. "If I ordered one of everything, would that be pushing it?" She joked.  
  
  
"You might not fit into your slaying clothes if you ate all that." Willow teased her.  
  
  
Buffy finally settled on a club sandwich and pasta salad. They sat and chatted while they waited for their food.  
  
  
"So, have you had to listen to Anya explain the honeymoon in detail yet?" Willow asked Buffy rolling her eyes.  
  
  
"Don't remind me. I had to hear about how they decided to have sex on the beach just like in the movies. But that it isn't as romantic as it seems because sand gets into the unmentionable places. And that's the PG-13 version. I got the full story." Buffy laughed, cringing at the memory.  
  
  
"Eww!" Willow said making a face. "I got the story about the French maid costume. Enough said." Willow said shaking her head.  
  
  
"God, she talks way too much, doesn't she?" Buffy said laughing. "Poor Xander, he has no private life anymore."  
  
  
Just then, the waiter came and put their food in front of them. Willow started eating and Buffy just stared at her food.  
  
  
"What's wrong? I thought you were starving. Is there a hair in your sandwich or something?" Willow asked noticing Buffy's odd look.  
  
  
"No." Buffy said making a face. "I'm suddenly not hungry. In fact, I'm feeling a little puky." She said, taking a deep breath.  
  
  
"Oh...Maybe we shouldn't have been talking about icky Anya sex stories before lunch." Willow said concerned.  
  
  
"Yeah, maybe." Buffy agreed, pushing her food away. "I'll be right back." She said, jumping up and heading for ladies room.  
  
  
Willow stared after her worried. It wasn't like Buffy to get sick at all. She wondered if all the stress had just gotten to her too much. Willow waited and Buffy emerged a few minutes later. She looked better.  
  
  
"Feel better?" Willow asked.  
  
  
"Yeah. I'm fine. False alarm. I'm good to go." Buffy said taking a deep breath and taking a bite of her sandwich.  
  
  
They finished lunch and Buffy was able to keep everything down. She wasn't sure why she had suddenly felt so sick, and then it was gone. Maybe it was the sex talk? But that had never bothered her before. She shrugged it off and continued enjoying the rest of their girls day out.  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
  
That night, Spike stopped by to see Buffy. He figured that she'd want to do a quick patrol and then maybe go out and do something fun for a change. He knew she liked dancing, so maybe he'd take her to the Bronze, he thought.   
  
  
She opened the door and smiled at him. He kissed her hello and they sat down on the couch.  
  
  
"So...You want to kill something and then go dancing?" He asked with a smile.  
  
  
"No killing, I'm on vacation." She said with a smile.  
  
  
"Vacation? Since when?" He asked her with a smirk.  
  
  
"Since I woke up this morning, or well afternoon actually. I decided I was ready for a little Buffy time off. I don't plan on killing anything evil for at least a week if I can help it." She said with a smile.  
  
  
"Okay...But you know, evil doesn't generally take holiday." He told her.  
  
  
"Well, then seeing as how you're my devoted sidekick, you can fill in for me." She said teasing him.  
  
  
"I'm not a sidekick." He said haughtily. "I am your equal."  
  
  
Buffy laughed.  
  
  
"Whatever you say...Regardless of your official title, you can still do it cause I'm taking a breather."  
  
  
"That's not like you. Is something wrong?" He asked her concerned.  
  
  
"No. Why does everyone keep asking me that? Normal people take vacations. Just because I don't get paid doesn't mean I'm not entitled." She said defending herself.  
  
  
"First Giles, and now you." Spike said shaking his head.  
  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
  
"He's on holiday too. At least that's what Anya said. She's strutting around the magic shop on a major power trip. He left her in charge." Spike told her.  
  
  
"Well, where did he go? He didn't tell me. He's my Watcher. What if I need him to watch something?" She pouted.  
  
  
"I think his idea of vacation is being locked in his apartment with a pile of books." Spike said jokingly, not having any idea that that's what he had actually done.  
  
  
"You're probably right." She laughed. She decided that tomorrow she would go see if he was still at his place. She would be hurt if he had gone away and not told her.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
  
The next day Buffy awoke earlier. She was still feeling tired and figured she probably shouldn't have gone out dancing last night. But she figured time off should include fun, so she went. Spike had taken her home, but he hadn't stayed again. He was starting to wonder if she was tired of him already. It wasn't their usual routine.   
  
  
He had prided himself on the fact that they had a very active love life, but lately she had been pushing him away. He was starting to get concerned. He thought that taking her out for a normal evening would make her feel better, but it apparently hadn't worked. He kept his worries to himself.  
  
  
Buffy got dressed and headed out to Giles' place. She pulled up went to his door. She knocked loudly and waited. After a few minutes, she knocked again. She looked around and saw his car in the lot, so unless he had taken a cab to the airport or something, he was still there. Finally, the door opened revealing a tired looking Giles.  
  
  
"Hey. There you are. I heard a rumor that you were vacationing." She said with a smile. "But I knew that couldn't be true, cause we're talking about, well, you."  
  
  
"Buffy. This isn't a good time. I'm sort of in the middle of something." He said nervously. He had stayed up all night deciphering the text in the book that had been occupying him. He was nearly done and more than a little shaken up.  
  
  
"Giles, you look like you've been up all night. What's wrong with you?" She asked concerned. The last time he had holed himself in his apartment like this, it was bad news for everyone. She hoped that some other dark secret from his past wasn't coming back to haunt him and everyone else.  
  
  
"Buffy, I'm researching something important. It requires my full attention. That's why I took a few days off from the shop." He said, allowing her to walk past him and into the room.  
  
  
Buffy surveyed the books lying everywhere and started laughing to herself.  
  
  
"Spike was right. This is your idea of a vacation." She chuckled.  
  
  
"What?" Giles asked perplexed.  
  
  
"Nothing. Never mind." She said stifling her laughter. "So what's in this pile of old stinky books that's so important? Please tell me it isn't some sort of research that involves me having to face another apocalypse." She groaned.  
  
  
"No, Buffy. This isn't anything like that." He said cautiously. He didn't want to tell her what he was up to. She wasn't ready to hear it, he didn't think.  
  
  
"Well then what? Watcher stuff?" She asked, her curiosity killing her.  
  
  
"Yes, it's Watcher 'stuff'." He said hesitantly. "Did you come here for a reason, Buffy?" He finally asked.  
  
  
"What? I need a reason? I just wanted to see what was up? I heard you were taking time off and wanted to see it for myself." She said, not understanding why he was acting so bizarre.   
  
  
"Oh, well...Alright. Would you like something to drink? I just made some tea." He asked her.  
  
  
"Nah, I'm fine." She said watching him go to the kitchen to make his tea. She walked over to the couch and sat down. She had to move books and papers out of her way to make room. She sat on a notebook and pulled it out from under her. She glanced down and saw some of the words written in Giles' handwriting.   
  
  
Origins of the Vampire Slayer She read. Her interest was peaked. This is what she had been wanting to know about. She started to flip through it and Giles snatched it out of her hand.  
  
  
"Hey." She said irritated.  
  
  
"That is not for you to read." He said briskly.  
  
  
"Uh, it's about me, Giles. What do you mean 'it's not for me to read'?" She asked, confused.  
  
  
"It's just that...Well Buffy, I'm not through with my research and I'd rather you not read anything until I can be certain I have all the facts." He said trying to cover his tracks.  
  
  
"Does this say where I come from? What I am?" She asked curiously.  
  
  
"Well, it does give some insight, yes, but as I said, It's not complete." He said scratching his head.  
  
  
"Well, let me read what you have so far. This is great Giles. Where did you get this information? From the council?" She asked him excitedly.  
  
  
"No, I obtained a rare book from the Internet. Willow suggested I look there. I'm not entirely sure the council has access to this particular text, and if they do, well, they aren't sharing." And he understood why.  
  
  
"Well, hand it over. I want to know." She said determined.  
  
  
"Buffy, I'm not certain you're ready to hear about this." He said softly.  
  
  
Buffy felt her stomach drop. It was bad news. She was something horrible and Giles didn't want to tell her. Now she had to know.  
  
  
"What is it? Am I...am I something evil?" She asked, choking the words out.  
  
  
"No. Absolutely not, Buffy. You are good." He reassured her. "It's just that there are certain things you may not like, or be surprised to hear. I just want to finish up the research before I hand it over."  
  
  
She looked at him with resolve.  
  
  
"Tell me what you know. Now." She said calmly.  
  
  
He sighed and removed his glasses to wipe them nervously. It was a habit of his and every time he was agitated, he threatened to rub a hole in the lenses.  
  
  
"Are you certain you want to hear?" He asked.  
  
  
"Did I stutter? Tell me." She said, more harshly than she intended. He was starting to freak her out. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be 'pushy girl' but if this about me and where I come from, I need to know. Even if it's bad."  
  
  
He sighed and sat down next to her. He took the notebook out and thumbed through it. He didn't need to read the words he had translated because he had memorized it by now. He turned to face her.  
  
  
"Buffy, this book that I found, it was written centuries ago. It talks about the origins of vampires." He started to explain.  
  
  
"Well, we know that right? Demon infects human with its blood and voila! Vampire." She said quickly.  
  
  
"Right, yes. Well, around this time when vampires were a new breed, so to speak. They hadn't entirely evolved into what we know them to be. They were very much stuck between the human and demon world."  
  
  
"They still are, aren't they? I mean, they look human, but they're not." She offered, trying to be clear on what they were discussing.  
  
  
"Yes, but at that time, there were less of them, and more humans. Therefore, how should I put this? Well, they desired companionship. Relationships between humans and vampires were not uncommon." He told her.  
  
  
"Okay...But didn't they still feed on humans?"  
  
  
"Yes, but in a lot of cases it was a mutual exchange."  
  
  
"You mean like what Riley was doing?" She asked, cringing when she thought of that.  
  
  
"Well, very similar." He said uncomfortably. "Vampires were able to have normal relations with their human mates and in exchange their companions would allow them to feed."  
  
  
"Alright. I get that, but what does that have to do with me? Slayers?" She asked impatiently.  
  
  
"I'm getting there, if you'll let me finish." He said irritated. He wasn't comfortable at all telling her this.  
  
  
"Sorry."  
  
  
"Well, you see during the relations at that time, it was still possible for male vampires to produce offspring. And they did, quiet often."  
  
  
"Offspring? You mean, like turning other people into vampires?" She asked hopefully.  
  
  
"No. With a human mate, vampires were still able to reproduce. Well...the old fashioned way." He said nervously.  
  
  
"Oh...You mean their boys could still swim?" She asked with a half smile.  
  
  
"Yes, exactly." He said, shaking his head at her choice of words.  
  
  
"So you mean that hundreds of years ago, vampires and humans had kids together?" She asked.  
  
  
"Yes, precisely. These children were anomalies. They didn't fit into either world. They were gifted with the strengths of the vampire father, yet none of their weaknesses. They had no need to drink blood, and were not harmed by sunlight. They were human in every way except these children were exceptionally strong. They were also observed to have remarkable healing powers. But the most fascinating attribute was the ability to sense vampires around them. In later times, this proved useful when the vampires numbers increased and ordinary humans could not tell them apart from non vampires." He explained to her the best he could.  
  
  
Buffy listened to his words and was slowly understanding what he was getting at.  
  
  
"So what does this mean?" She asked softly, already sensing the answer.  
  
  
"Well, these children were eventually called upon to hunt vampires and kill them. Over time, the nature of the relationship between vampires and humans changed and evolved into what you are more familiar with. These children were chosen because of their ability to detect vampires when no one else could. Also for the fact that they were the only humans that had a strength that equaled that which they were hunting. These were the first Slayers." He added softly.  
  
  
Buffy listened and took a deep breath. She wasn't really prepared for this at all. She was part vampire? That didn't make sense to her.  
  
  
"Giles, are you saying I have vampire blood in me? That I'm some sort of vampire hybrid?" She asked unhappily.  
  
  
"Well, Buffy. Yes. That's what a Slayer is." He said quietly, knowing she was most likely in shock to know of her origins.  
  
  
"But that can't be? I mean my dad isn't a vampire. And I thought that vampires shoot blanks now. That's what Angel told me." She said becoming panicky.  
  
  
"They do. Vampires of today do not reproduce. And, your father is not a vampire. It has to do with blood lines, Buffy. Somewhere, probably hundreds of years ago, someone in your ancestry was involved with a vampire and it resulted in a child. That child had children and so on." He reassured her.  
  
  
"But then how come I'm the only one in my family that's a Slayer? Why me?" She asked desperately.  
  
  
"I don't know that, Buffy. Perhaps there were others in the past that you are not aware of. Maybe they were never called and no one would know about them." Giles said scratching his head.  
  
  
"This is all a little too freaky. I have fang blood in me? This is creepy." She said shuddering at the thought.  
  
  
"Well, those aren't the terms I would use..." He said to her, knowing how conflicted she must be feeling.  
  
  
"So, these children...Were there boys too? I mean, is it possible that there is some boy Slayers?" She asked curiously.  
  
  
"Well, no. That's another fascinating thing. It was only possible for male vampires to conceive children. Female vampires could not carry a human child. And a male vampires offspring was always female."  
  
  
"Why is that?"  
  
  
"Well, I told you that the research wasn't complete. But I do know that over time, the original Slayers had children of their own. Human children. The Slayer blood became weakened and tainted, threatening to kill off all Slayers and plunging the world into darkness without a champion to carry on the fight. The Powers stepped in and every hundred and fifty years, someone is chosen to secure the bloodline." He said, not wanting to delve any further. It was too unpleasant for him.  
  
  
"Secure the bloodline? It sounds like we're talking about some kind of show dogs here, Giles. What does that mean?" She asked desperately, afraid of the answer.  
  
  
"Well, Buffy...It's...Well, the Powers make it possible for a human and a vampire to...Well..." He said stuttering over the words. He just couldn't spit them out.  
  
  
Buffy felt her heart threatening to beat out of her chest and she felt a little dizzy.  
  
  
"Allows them to do what?" She whispered.  
  
  
"Allows them to reproduce, thus ensuring that the Slayer legacy never dies off." He said quickly and quietly.  
  
  
"Oh my god." She said, starting to panic. "They are so not talking about me, are they?" She asked frantically.  
  
  
"I don't know who they are talking about. I think they are just talking in general terms, here." He said nervously, trying to put her at ease.  
  
  
"Giles, tell the truth. What aren't you telling me? I can tell that you're holding back." She said pressing him for more information.  
  
  
Giles looked at her and then rose to his feet again. He went over to a locked cabinet and removed a large scroll. He was a reproduction of the prophecy that had given them details as to Buffy's resurrection and the news of her and Spike's connection. He sat down and rolled the scroll open.  
  
  
"What is this? Is this the prophecy?" She asked, staring at the yellowed paper.  
  
  
"Yes. I've been studying it again, ever since I have obtained this new book. There are some things that I believe I misinterpreted the first time." He said sheepishly.  
  
  
"Like what? And what does this have to do with where Slayers come from?" She asked, standing up and beginning to pace. She was not happy with where the conversation was turning. And now he was bringing out the prophecy again. She hated that stupid thing, regardless of the fact it was the reason she was living and breathing again.  
  
  
"Well, it does speak of a dark warrior and a warrior for the light being brought together out of love. You two were chosen to create that balance. That much I understood. The rest was a little harder to interpret. It mentioned out of that love would be borne the power to fight the coming darkness. I took that to mean it would give you both strength. Strength enough to fight. But now it seems I have read it wrong." He said shaking his head once more.  
  
  
"Wrong how?" She said putting her head into her hands.  
  
  
"Well, on further inspection and with this new knowledge, it seems that you two were indeed chosen..." He started and she interrupted.  
  
  
"Don't say it, Giles." She said knowing what was coming next. "Please don't say it."  
  
  
"Buffy..." He said sympathetically.  
  
  
"No, just stop. You're trying to tell me that 'borne' doesn't mean strength, it mean 'born' as in babies, right?" She said beginning to feel faint.  
  
  
"Yes, I believe so. I've read it over and over and it now becomes clearer that the balance that they referred to was not you and Spike, but what your love would create. A child." He said softly, not wanting to hear the words out of his mouth.  
  
  
Buffy started pacing around frantically. Her head was spinning. This wasn't happening, she told herself.   
  
  
"This isn't true. It can't be. Why me? Why was I chosen for this? I hate this prophecy. Is this why they brought me back? So I could further a bloodline? Like I'm some sort of breeding animal?" She said with tears in her eyes. She was not ready to face this, not ever. She was having a hard enough time dealing with Dawn and everything else. She couldn't handle this.  
  
  
"Buffy, no. In their eyes it's a great honor. This child, if it ever comes to be, will be vital to the universe. It's strength unmatched." He said, trying to find some sort of upside to whole ordeal.  
  
  
"In whose eyes? Cause not in mine. I don't want to have a baby, Giles. Not now..." She said desperately collapsing onto the couch crying.  
  
  
He reached out and patted her back lovingly.  
  
  
"Buffy, it doesn't say now. It's probably several years away. And you can always stop it. Just don't do it. Protect yourself. Damn them and their stupid prophecy! This is your life." He said getting angry at the Powers who made these decisions.   
  
  
He hated knowing that everything was about tests and furthering their agendas. To them, a Slayer was merely a tool. The council shared that inhuman view. But to Giles, his Slayer was much more than that. She was a girl, a woman, someone who had thoughts and feelings. She had a life and damn them if they were going to condemn her to something she didn't want.  
  
  
Buffy continued to cry and looked up at Giles with tear stained cheeks.   
  
  
"Giles...I'm late." She said breaking into sobs again.  
  
  
He looked at her puzzled. It hardly seemed the time for her to up and leave.  
  
  
"Well, if there's someplace you need to be, go. We'll talk about this later." He said calmly.  
  
  
She looked at him and shook her head.  
  
  
"No, Giles. I'm late." She said more firmly, looking into his eyes for a glimmer of recognition and getting nothing. "Okay, let me spell this out to you...What does it mean when a girl says that to a guy?" She said exasperated.  
  
  
Giles looked at her and finally caught on. He felt his own tears beginning to form.   
  
  
"Oh dear God, Buffy. You mean?" He said, but couldn't utter the words.  
  
  
"Yes! Like really late. But I didn't think about it. I mean, I've been under a lot of stress and it never even occurred to me. I mean this sort of thing is not supposed to happen." She said trying to pull herself together.  
  
  
"Well, maybe it is stress. How have you been otherwise?" He asked, trying to rationalize.  
  
  
"Tired, nauseous, especially right now. This can't be happening. I'm not ready. I mean, I can't have a baby. They're all needy and stuff. I'm too needy to have someone else needing me. I've got Dawn, and that's enough." She whined.  
  
  
"Oh dear...Well, let's not jump to conclusions. You don't know anything for certain. Until you know for sure, you should remain calm and then after that..." He started.  
  
  
"Then we can panic?" She asked anxiously.  
  
  
"Yes, then we can panic." He said shaking his head.  
  
************************************************************  
  
  
Buffy was completely numb. She had no idea what to do at all. As if everything weren't strange and complicated enough, something completely out of left field blindsided her. If it was true, she didn't know how tell everyone. What would they say? They'd freak out. And Spike? He would have a fit. He'd probably take off and leave her alone. She wouldn't blame him really, she'd like to run away herself, only she couldn't.  
  
  
She clutched the brown paper bag to her chest and walked into her house. Dawn was waiting by the door.  
  
  
"There you are. I wondered where you went. Are we going to have dinner or am I on my own?" She asked irritated.  
  
  
Buffy glared at her.  
  
  
"Not now, Dawn. I'm not feeling well. I'm going upstairs." She said sadly.  
  
  
"So I guess I'm on my own. Some parent you are." Dawn teased her.  
  
  
Buffy whirled around and looked at her devastated.  
  
  
"What?" She asked, near tears.   
  
  
"I was just kidding, Buffy. Geez. Go lay down. You look terrible. I'll be fine." She said, feeling bad for her comment, although she didn't understand why it bothered her so much.  
  
  
Buffy turned and went up the stairs. She locked herself in the bathroom and began crying again. She pulled out the contents of her paper bag and set them on the counter. She had bought two tests, just in case. She sighed and unwrapped them.  
  
  
She sat there blinded by tears as she held the two little sticks in her hands. Both of them bright pink. She didn't know what to do except cry. Her entire world had been turned upside down in one day. She was going to be a parent. She and Spike were going to be parents. How hilarious was that? He wasn't even human. She was carrying some sort of freakish, fangy baby. Even though Giles had assured her that the baby, if there was one, would be just like her, only even stronger. She feared she would have to slit her wrists to feed it instead of the usual breastfeeding, but Giles had set her straight.  
  
  
She heard the knock at the door and wiped her tears. She stuffed the tests into the garbage and moved some tissues and the empty paper bag over it.  
  
  
"Are you okay in there?" Dawn asked concerned for her sister. She had been in there for thirty minutes.  
  
  
"I'm fine." She said opening the door. Dawn could tell she'd been crying.  
  
  
"Buffy, your eyes are all puffy. Were you crying? Did something happen?" She asked touching Buffy's arm.  
  
  
"No. I'm okay. It's nothing. I'm just going to lay down."  
  
  
Dawn let her go, but knew there was something she wasn't telling her. Dawn walked into the bathroom and started brushing her hair. Her friend had called and asked if she wanted to come over for dinner, seeing as how Buffy was sick. Dawn was just freshening up.  
  
  
She picked up some earrings off the counter and went to put them in. She fumbled with the catch on one of them and dropped it. It bounced off the counter and straight into the trash.  
  
  
"Oh gross." She mumbled to herself. "That's gonna need some serious disinfecting."   
  
  
She reached down and rooted through the garbage. She found the earring and pulled it out. Just then, she glanced down and saw the crumpled boxes that Buffy tried to hide.  
  
  
"Early pregnancy test..." She read aloud to herself, and then gasped. She lifted up the paper bag and saw the two test sticks staring at her in all their pinkness. She read the back of the box. "Pink is positive...Oh my god!"   
  
  
She threw the garbage back down and tossed the earring back onto the counter. She washed her hands and stared at her reflection. She was in total shock. Buffy was pregnant? It couldn't be. Spike couldn't have kids, Buffy had told her that once.   
  
  
"God...she's cheating on him." She said to her reflection. She instantly felt bad for Spike and more than a little angry at Buffy. She never would have thought that she would do something like this. Dawn thought that she loved Spike. They were like a family to her. For Buffy to be pregnant with some strange guys baby made Dawn sick.  
  
  
She wanted to confront Buffy, but decided against it. She wasn't going to get into this now. She needed time to think. She wondered what Buffy was going to do or if she was going to tell her at all. Dawn heard someone at the door and she ran out of the bathroom and down the stairs. She assumed it was her friend to pick her up.  
  
  
She opened the door and was surprised to see Spike standing there.  
  
  
"Hey little one. Is Buffy around?" He asked walking inside with a smile.  
  
  
Dawn looked at him with sad eyes, feeling sorry for him.  
  
  
"What's wrong? Why are you looking as if someone died?" He joked, then he turned serious. "Someone didn't die, did they?"  
  
  
"No, nothing like that. Um, Buffy's upstairs. She's not feeling well." Dawn said, hoping he might go away. She hated that she knew a secret and was dying to talk to someone but he wasn't the one she should be telling.  
  
  
"She's sick? She's gonna be okay, right? Maybe I should check on her?" He said concerned.  
  
  
"No, she's fine. You should just go home and see her later." Dawn said, pushing him towards the door.  
  
  
"Okay, you're awfully eager to get rid of me. Does she have another boyfriend up there, or something?" He teased her. Then he noticed the stricken look on Dawn's face. His eyes grew wider. "She doesn't, does she?" He asked quietly.  
  
  
"No. Of course not. Geez, Spike. She's just probably sleeping or something." She said nervously.  
  
  
Just then a horn honked and Dawn saw her friend's car. She waved and turned to Spike.   
  
  
"I have to go now. I left Buffy a note, but you really should just leave her alone, I think." Dawn said grabbing her things and trying to pull Spike out the door with her.  
  
  
He instantly knew there was something wrong and he wasn't going to go away.  
  
  
"You go have fun. I'm going to check on her. If she's sleeping, I'll go." He said firmly, suspicious of Dawn's behavior.  
  
  
She sighed and forced a smile.  
  
  
"Okay. Tell her I'll be back around nine." She mumbled and took off down the walkway.  
  
  
Spike closed the door and headed up the stairs. He mumbled to himself.  
  
  
"She better not have someone else up there..."   
  
  
He stood by her door and started to knock. He heard the soft sounds of her crying and he got a quizzical look on his face. He knocked lightly.  
  
  
"Dawn, just leave me alone for awhile." She said, sadly.  
  
  
He pushed open the door and saw her laying on her bed with used tissues around her. She sat up startled that it was him instead of her sister. She swept the tissues off the bed and wiped her eyes.  
  
  
"Spike. I didn't know it was you. Where's Dawn?" She asked.  
  
  
"She went to a friends. She said she'd be back around nine. Buffy, what's wrong with you. She said you were sick, but you look more sad than anything." He asked, moving over to her and putting his arms around her.  
  
  
She held him tight and tried not to cry again.  
  
  
"Oh Spike...Everything is a mess." She said sadly.  
  
  
"Tell me what it is. Maybe I can help." He said concerned for her as he stroked her hair.  
  
  
"You can't help. Something terrible has happened." She said, not sure if she should tell the truth or not. Eventually he'd figure it out.  
  
  
He pulled back and looked into her eyes trying to read her. All he saw was confusion and despair.  
  
  
"What sort of terrible thing? Is it your friends? Something happen to one of them?"  
  
  
"No...It happened to me." She sniffled.  
  
  
He looked at her and immediately got an angry expression. He stood up and ran his hands through his hair nervously.  
  
  
"Did someone hurt you? If they did, I'll kill them. We're they human? Doesn't matter. Screw the chip! What happened? Who hurt you?" He asked full of rage at the thought of anything terrible happening to her. Whatever it was had been bad enough o force her to tears.  
  
  
"Nobody hurt me, Spike. You don't have to kill anyone." She said shaking her head. "It's something else. Something that will change everything and I don't want anything to change."  
  
  
He looked at her perplexed. He had no idea what she was talking about.  
  
  
"Buffy, just tell me." He finally said.  
  
  
"You're gonna be mad. And you probably won't believe me anyway."  
  
  
He was getting impatient.  
  
  
"Just tell me. I promise I won't get mad."  
  
  
"You can't promise me that. You have no idea what I'm going to say, and believe me, you aren't going to like it." She said sadly.  
  
  
"Okay...Now you're starting to worry me. What's this all about? Are you breaking up with me? I thought maybe you might be, since you've been kicking me out of your bed lately. Are you tired of me? Is that it? Have I done something to upset you? Because I think I've been pretty damn good lately. I haven't tried to kill anything that I'm not supposed to, I haven't hatched any evil plans. For god's sake, I was best man in Xander's wedding. What more do you want from me?" He ranted as he paced before her.  
  
  
He wasn't ready to face the possibility that she was done with him. He couldn't deal with it.   
  
  
"Is there someone else? Is it Angel? Did he come back again? I should have known that would happen..." He continued his tangent. She finally had heard enough and interrupted him.  
  
  
"I'm pregnant." She blurted out.  
  
  
She watched as he stopped pacing and his eyes turned watery from tears that were threatening to fall. He felt as if he were hit with a ton of bricks. He felt dizzy. He was beyond shocked at her statement. Then the rage started to build.  
  
  
"You're what?" He spat out angrily.  
  
  
"You heard me." She said softly. She knew he would be mad.  
  
  
"You bitch." He finally said to her hatefully.  
  
  
She tried to bite back the tears that were spilling from her eyes. She couldn't believe he had said that to her.  
  
  
"Spike..." She tried to plead with him.  
  
  
"How could you do this to me? I loved you. I risked everything for you. You said you loved me. Only me. And you let someone else...Someone else put their hands on you and made you pregnant? You're disgusting!" He said with bitter contempt, running his hands through his tensely.   
  
  
He grabbed a lamp that was on her dresser and hurled it at the wall. It smashed into a million pieces. She screamed at him.  
  
  
"Stop it! Would you just listen to me? I didn't cheat on you!" She cried to him.   
  
  
"Yeah? Why don't I believe that? Oh right. Cause your all used up and knocked up. And see, I can't do that."  
  
  
The thought of another man touching her made him sick. She was his to have, no one else. It certainly explained why she had been distant lately. She needed him gone so this mystery man could move into his place in her bed.  
  
  
She cried harder and stood to her feet angrily.  
  
  
"You did do this to me, you pig! I didn't cheat on you. You did this." She said shoving him hard and he stumbled against her dresser, knocking things to the floor.  
  
  
He stared at her in disbelief.  
  
  
"I'm supposed to believe that? What fantasy world are you living in Buffy? I'm a vampire. We don't get people pregnant. I can't believe you could stand here and lie to me." He said bitterly. He walked over and looked into her teary eyes. "Who was it? Anyone I know? Was he at least good in the sack? Bet he can't make you say all those naughty things you say to me. Did he make you scream?"  
  
  
"Shut up, you sick bastard! It was you who did this. You are the only one I've been with. I would tell you how it happened, but it's not like you'd care to listen anyway. I can't believe that you think that little of me. I'm not a whore, Spike. But you sure are treating me like one." She yelled at him, completely devastated. She hadn't expected he would think it was someone else. She should have realized. She never should have told him.  
  
  
"Well you obviously opened your legs to someone other than me, so I think that makes you a whore." He said contemptuously.  
  
  
She hauled back and punched him as hard as she could. He flew back into her dresser again, this time breaking the mirror.  
  
  
"Get out! You disgust me! I can't believe I ever thought I loved someone as revolting as you. Get out!" She screamed at him.  
  
  
He pulled himself together and looked at her with a disgusted look.  
  
  
"Hope you and whoever will be very happy." He said sarcastically. "On second thought, I hope you both burn in hell."  
  
  
She looked at him with hurt and contempt. She couldn't believe he was being so cruel to her. She looked him dead in the face.  
  
  
"I'll save you a seat." She said calmly. "Now, get out. And don't ever come near me again."  
  
  
He turned and walked out without looking back at her. She fell to her knees sobbing. She heard as her font door slammed loudly. The windows in her bedroom shook. She wanted to kill him at that moment. She was so distraught, that she wasn't sure what she should do. Everything was utter chaos for her.  
  
  
She wiped her eyes and stood up. She ran down the stairs and out the door. She began running down the street. She could have driven, but right now she felt the need to run, almost as if she ran hard enough, she could outrun her heartbreak and her so called destiny, that she was starting to despise.  
  
  
  
She headed towards Giles' house. She needed to see someone and he was the only one she could turn to now. She reached his apartment and pounded on his door. He opened it abruptly, not prepared for the broken girl standing before him.  
  
  
"Oh, Buffy...What happened?" He asked putting his arm around her shoulders and leading her in.  
  
  
"Giles it's all over." She cried.  
  
  
"What's over. Buffy?" He asked, unsure of exactly what she was referring to.  
  
  
"Giles, I took the test. I took two of them actually. They were both pink." She said wiping her tears.  
  
  
"I'm sorry Buffy." He said quietly. He knew that she was not happy about the news, and he wasn't sure he was either. He knew that her child was very important to the world, but he didn't feel it was worth it for her to suffer because of it.  
  
  
"I told him. I know I shouldn't have, but he came over and I was crying. I just blurted it out. You should have heard the things he said to me, Giles." She said crying softly. "He called me a whore."   
  
  
Giles felt his inner rage bubbling up to the point of exploding. How dare that creature say such a thing to the woman carrying his child. He was beyond contempt.   
  
  
"He said what?" Giles asked tersely.  
  
  
"He didn't think it was his. He said it was impossible and that I had to be cheating. He said I was a whore." She said again softly.  
  
  
Giles yanked off his glasses and began pacing the room. He was going to find Spike and kill him. But before that, he was going to make him suffer. He had once promised Spike that if he ever hurt Buffy, he'd kill him. He was about to find out how serious he was.  
  
  
"Did you try to explain?" He asked, trying to calm down.  
  
  
"Sort of...not really. He was so angry and hateful, I didn't even bother." She told him forlornly. "Giles, it doesn't matter anyway."  
  
  
"You're right. You don't need him. He's vile and loathsome. Buffy, I will be there for you. Your friends...we all will. You won't be alone." He said, putting his arms around her gently.  
  
  
She was warmed by his words, but pulled back abruptly.  
  
  
"Thank you Giles, but it doesn't matter...It doesn't matter because I'm not having this baby." She said with resolve.  
  
  
He stared at her disbelieving. He hadn't expected her to say that.   
  
  
"Buffy, you can't mean that." He said softly.  
  
  
"Yes, I can. I do mean it. I'm not having this baby. I don't care." She said pacing around nervously.  
  
  
"Buffy, I know it's your business..." He started gently.  
  
  
"And it's my body. Haven't you ever heard of a woman's right to choose, Giles? I have, and I choose to not have this baby. It isn't even a baby, Giles. It's some sort of freakish thing." She said seriously.  
  
  
He shook his head sadly. This didn't seem like Buffy at all. They had never discussed such personal matters before but he had always assumed she would be against such a thing.  
  
  
"Buffy, I appreciate your rights, but this is not an ordinary circumstance. And You're right, it isn't an ordinary baby. This child is special. Not freakish...Important. How could you even suggest that you wouldn't have it?" He asked her, trying to be gentle, but also firm.  
  
  
"Giles, I don't give a damn if I'm carrying the Golden Child. I don't want it. This thing inside me is part of him and right now the only part of him that I want is his head on a stick." She said angrily.  
  
  
He looked at her sadly. He hated what had become of her. Only this morning she was her usual happy self. Now she was distraught and broken. He wished he'd never told her about anything, although he knew it wouldn't have mattered, the deed had already been done. He still felt a pang of responsibility for her heartache.  
  
  
"You need some time to think. Right now, everything is confusing, I know, but I think you should reconsider, Buffy." He said softly.  
  
  
She then became angry and turned to face him.  
  
  
"Forget it Giles. I knew you wouldn't understand. This is not your choice. It's mine. My mind is made up. If the Powers want their precious bloodline to advance, they'll have to find someone else." She said angrily and she stormed out the door.  
  
  
Giles slumped down on the couch and held his head in his hands. He wished so badly that he could fix this. Undo everything somehow, but he couldn't. The only thing he could do was ease his anger. That involved finding Spike and teaching him an important lesson.  
  
  
He went to his weapons cabinet and retrieved several ominous looking items. He stuffed them into a bag and headed out the door.  
  
**************************************************************  
  
  
Buffy walked quickly through one of the graveyards. She knew she shouldn't have taken this route, but it was the quickest way home. She realized that she had left without any weapons. She had been so upset that she hadn't even thought about it.   
  
  
Her mind was racing. She had made up her mind about the baby, but even so, she wondered if she could actually do it. She tried to remove all doubts from her head and keep walking. She knew this was the only way. She would have an abortion and forget all about Spike and destiny. Maybe she would take Dawn and move somewhere else? All she knew is that she was through being a pawn.   
  
  
She wanted a life of her own. One not tampered with strange rules and tests, and bloodlines. None of it made sense. She had stopped caring.  
  
  
She didn't hear the footsteps behind her as she was lost in thought. At the last moment, she sensed something and whirled around. It was some sort of demon and he bared his teeth at her. She kicked him hard and he stumbled back. He lunged forward and tackled her to the ground. She struggled against him and kicked at him. He was too strong and she was feeling weak.  
  
  
She managed to push him off of her and rise to her feet again. He jumped up and lashed out at her with razor sharp claws. His talons sliced deep into her neck and she grabbed her throat and fell to the ground. The demon was satisfied that he had rid the world of another vile human and stalked off in search of another victim.  
  
  
Buffy lay there, barely conscious as the blood poured from her neck wound. All she could think of was that she was going to find her peace again.  
  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
The entities were in an uproar. Their plan was going horribly wrong.   
  
  
"This is not the way it was supposed to be." Assam said frantically. "She is endangering the Balance."  
  
  
"I see that." Lynok said calmly, trying to think of a plan. The Powers were not going to be pleased.  
  
  
"She is dying again. Lynok, we must do something."   
  
  
"What would you have me do? I set the plan in motion, it was supposed to go smoothly. This girl is trouble. She never adheres to the course of things. She is strong willed and stubborn. How she ever passed the tests I don't know." Lynok said with irritation.  
  
  
If the balance was not kept, he would be paying for eternity.   
  
  
"Even if she were to live, she will not bear the child." Assam said sadly.  
  
  
"She must."  
  
  
"I told you that vampire was not to be trusted. It is because of him that she endangered herself. He was supposed to love her." Assam said tersely. He had not approved of the vampire from the beginning. Why he had been chosen was never clear to him. Lynok had had complete faith.  
  
  
"And he does love her. He is unpredictable too. They are both impossible and tiresome."  
  
  
They watched as Buffy lay bleeding in the graveyard. Her life beginning to slip away once more. Lynok wrung his hands in frustration. He then looked to his spirit brother.  
  
  
"Bring her in." He said calmly.  
  
  
"What? Bring her in? But we can't, can we?" Assam asked.  
  
  
"I said bring her in. Do it." He said firmly.  
  
  
Assam rose to his feet and went into another mystical chamber to prepare for her arrival.  
  
****************************************************************  
  
  
Xander and Willow were strolling through the cemetery. Buffy had told them that she was taking a break and they were filling in for her on patrol. It had been sort of a slow night, and they were chatting aimlessly trying to fill the boredom. They saw a figure lying on the ground in the distance.  
  
  
"Will, look." Xander said pointing.  
  
  
"Is that a vampire?" She asked, unsure of why it would be laying on the ground, unless it was having a hard time raising from the dead.  
  
  
"No, it's a woman. Looks like she's been attacked." Xander said, his pulse quickening. He grabbed Willows hand and pulled her with him.  
  
  
They ran to the fallen woman and both of them gasped when they realized who their victim was. Blood was everywhere.  
  
  
"Oh my god..." Willow said, tears in her eyes.  
  
  
Xander bent down to inspect the damage further. He rolled her head over and saw the deep slice in her neck. He fought back tears and checked for her pulse.  
  
  
"She's still got a pulse. It's pretty faint. Willow, help me pick her up." He said frantically.  
  
  
"Shouldn't we get an ambulance?" Willow said panicking.  
  
  
"There isn't time. My car is right over there, we can make it faster." He said lifting Buffy into his arms and running with her.  
  
  
"What happened to her?" Willow asked, through her tears. "She wasn't even supposed to be out here."  
  
  
"I know, Will. She's gonna be fine. She has to be fine." Xander said, refusing to accept any less.  
  
  
They laid her in the backseat and Willow sat with her, trying to stop the flow of blood from her neck. Xander drove quickly and they soon pulled up to the emergency room. Xander picked Buffy up and ran through the doors with her.  
  
  
"Somebody help us!" He shouted.  
  
  
Nurses came running up and soon she was placed onto a gurney and whisked away. Xander and Willow held each other and cried. The pain of losing her once had been almost too much for any of them to bear. A second time like this was unthinkable.   
  
  
"Should we tell everyone?" Willow asked, through her tears.  
  
  
"No. Not yet. Maybe we should call Giles though, but I don't want Dawn to know. If Buffy's...If she doesn't make it..." Xander said, and couldn't finish.  
  
  
"I'll call Giles." Willow said, walking to the phone.  
  
  
Willow returned and found Xander sitting numbly in a chair. She sat next to him.  
  
  
"Giles wasn't home. I called to check on Dawn. She said she was fine and getting ready for bed. I told her Buffy was with me. I hated lying, Xander." She said tears running down her cheeks.  
  
  
"I know. It'll be okay. It will." He said with more confidence than he really felt. The wound had been bad, and he saw the amount of blood she had lost. He hoped and prayed it wasn't too late.  
  
***************************************************************  
  
  
Giles walked briskly towards Spike's crypt. He had his bag over his shoulder and fire in his eyes. He was ready for a good fight, and it would be even easier for the fact that Spike couldn't fight back. Maybe it wouldn't be fair, but Giles didn't care at this point.  
  
  
He threw open the door and found Spike sitting there smoking in his chair. Spike jumped up at the intrusion and normally would have been relieved to see a familiar face, but this face was in no way familiar or pleasant.  
  
  
Giles marched over to Spike and punched him as hard as he could.  
  
  
"You are disgusting!" He spat at him.  
  
  
Spike regained his balance and glared at the Watcher.  
  
  
"Why am I suddenly the bad guy, here?" Spike scoffed, trying to move away from Giles. He hated that he was afraid at all of him, but the fact that he was helpless was a big part of that. And Giles appeared ready to kill.  
  
  
"You have always been the bad guy, Spike. How dare you say those things to Buffy. And how dare you walk out on her now." He said, pulling a baseball bat out of his bag. It wasn't his usual choice of weapon, but it had been a last minute addition to his arsenal.  
  
  
He swung the bat and it connected harshly to the side of Spike's face. It whirled him around and onto the ground.  
  
  
"That was for calling her a whore." Giles hissed at him.  
  
  
"She's pregnant Giles. I am the wronged party here. She slept with someone other than me. So yeah, I called her a few names." Spike said defensively.  
  
  
Giles hit him again and again. Spike lay crumpled on the floor, trying to protect himself from the blows.  
  
  
"That was for breaking her heart." Giles shouted.  
  
  
Spike scrambled to his feet and tossed his chair over to keep Giles at a distance.  
  
  
"What is your bloody problem Watcher? Have you heard nothing I've said to you?"   
  
  
Giles tossed the bat down and lunged for Spike grabbing him by the collar.  
  
  
"Listen to me Spike, and listen good. That child she is carrying is yours. I'd like nothing better than for it to be someone else's, but the truth of the matter is, it belongs to you." Giles said through clenched teeth. "I came here tonight to kill you, but I fear that somewhere deep down she still loves you. I don't want to hurt her anymore than you already have. So you get lucky." Giles said throwing him back against the wall.  
  
  
Spike stood there speechless. He couldn't believe what this man was telling him. Could it really be possible?  
  
  
"Are you for real? That kid is mine?" Spike finally asked cautiously.  
  
  
"Yes Spike. It's yours. She needed you tonight and you let her down. For that, you're despicable." Giles hissed.  
  
  
"I thought she was lying." Spike said shaking his head. He couldn't believe his ears. He felt a little weak and wanted to sit down, but he was afraid to move for fear the Watcher would begin his assault again.  
  
  
"Yes, well, she wasn't." Giles said, finding his calm again.  
  
  
"But how? I mean, I'm dead. I didn't think it was possible." Spike said shaking his head.  
  
  
"Sit down and I'll tell you." Giles said up-righting the chair and pointing at Spike to sit in it. He obeyed.  
  
  
Giles recounted the entire story to a humbled Spike.  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
  
Willow and Xander sat huddled together in the waiting room of the hospital. It had been over an hour since they had brought Buffy in. They saw as a doctor emerged from her room and headed towards them. They both stood up to meet him.  
  
  
"How's Buffy?" Xander asked.  
  
  
"She's stable. She's lost a lot of blood. What happened to her again?" The doctor asked curiously.  
  
  
"We don't know. We just found her like that. I think she was mugged or something." Willow said making up a white lie. They knew it reeked of demon attack, but the doctor wouldn't understand that.  
  
  
"Are you her family?"  
  
  
"No. We're friends. Best friends. We're like family." Willow stammered. "Is she gonna be okay?"  
  
  
"It's too soon to tell. We've given her transfusions and her blood pressure is near normal at this point, but I'm afraid she's slipped into a coma like state." He said gravely.  
  
  
"A coma? She'll wake up though. She's just taking a breather, right?" Xander asked hopefully.  
  
  
"We'll know in time. If she doesn't wake up in the next forty-eight hours, the chances become slimmer that she ever will." He said looking pointedly at them. "But, I have confidence that she will indeed wake up. She seems strong." She doctor smiled, trying to be of comfort.  
  
  
"She is strong." Willow whispered.  
  
  
"One other bit of happy news..." the doctor started. "The baby is fine. Amazingly, the blood loss did not effect the fetus."  
  
  
Willow and Xander looked at him with a blank expression.  
  
  
"The what?" Willow asked.  
  
  
"The baby. You did know that Ms. Summers was pregnant, didn't you?" The doctor asked perplexed.  
  
  
"Buffy's pregnant?" Xander asked, feeling ill.  
  
  
"Yes, about eight weeks." The doctor told them with a smile.  
  
  
"My god...A baby?" Willow said shaking her head.  
  
  
The doctor figured he'd leave them alone.  
  
  
"I have some other patients to see. I'll keep you informed of any changes in her condition." He said calmly as he walked away.  
  
  
Willow and Xander looked at each other dumbfounded. This was not something they were expecting at all. Could it be Spike's? Vampires were supposed to be sterile. But they both knew Buffy was seeing no one else. Did Buffy even know she was pregnant? A million questions went through each of their heads.  
  
  
"Can you believe this? A baby? Can it be Spike's?" Xander asked, curiously.  
  
  
"I-I don't know. I wouldn't think so, but maybe he can? It has to be..." Willow said shaking her head. "I need to go tell him what happened, Xander." She said quickly.  
  
  
"Yeah. I really should call Anya and let her know You want me to call Tara?"   
  
  
Willow nodded her head.  
  
  
"What about Dawn?" She asked.  
  
  
"We'll wait for Giles to get home and then we'll have him bring her here."  
  
  
Willow nodded and headed out the door.  
  
******************************************************************  
  
  
Buffy felt herself floating. She was being pulled by an unseen force. She wanted to struggle against it, but she found she had no strength. A white light engulfed her and she shielded her eyes against it. She felt a sudden warmth and hugged her arms around herself.  
  
  
What is happening? Where am I? She asked herself. She was so confused. She felt like maybe she was dreaming, but it felt more real than a dream. All at once, she saw the light disappear and she was suddenly dropped hard onto a stone floor.  
  
  
She looked at her surroundings. She was in a darkened room with torches burning in the corners. She sat up abruptly and looked for an exit. She had no idea where she was, but she wanted out. Just then a ghostly figure appeared in front of her. He was wearing a long, flowing, white robe. He appeared human like except for the fact that he was glowing. He was encircled in a golden light. The closer he got to her, the more un-human he appeared.   
  
  
His eyes were bright green. An unnatural color of green and they shone brightly at her. He had some sort of symbol painted or tattooed on his forehead. It reminded her of the Knights Of Byzantium, but it was a different symbol. She stared at him with wonder  
  
  
"Who are you?" She asked him curiously.  
  
  
"I am Assam, the Keeper of the Balance." He said proudly.  
  
  
"The what? The Balance?" She said shaking her head. This wasn't happening. It must be some sort of dream. Too much prophecy junk before bedtime.  
  
  
"We have brought you here to show you the way." He said to her.  
  
  
"Okay...Where is here? Where am I?"  
  
  
"You are in Tartania." He said calmly.  
  
  
"Tartania? Is that near Sunnydale?" She asked with a small smile.  
  
  
"Tartania is not a place, so much as a state of mind." He said cryptically.  
  
  
"Okay, my state of mind is telling me I want to get the hell out of here. Are you one of the Powers? Is that what this is?" She asked, suddenly putting everything together.  
  
  
"Oh my, no. I am not that fortunate. I am a Guardian of the Balance. I and my brother Lynok are in charge of keeping the universe on the right track, so to speak."  
  
  
"What am I doing here?" She asked him, starting to freak out.  
  
  
"Come now. Lynok has called you forth. He has matters to discuss with you." Assam told her abruptly. He motioned her through a swirling doorway of light. She hesitated but soon decided to follow.   
  
*********************************************************************  
  
  
Willow walked to Spike's crypt and knocked. She was surprised when Giles opened the door abruptly.  
  
  
"Willow?" Giles asked not expecting her. He had thought it may be Buffy coming to see Spike.  
  
  
"Giles? What are you doing here? Is Spike here?" She asked curiously.  
  
  
"Yes, um...We were having a little talk." He said nervously.  
  
  
Spike was sitting in the chair, still too frozen with shock to do anything. He was trying to comprehend everything that Giles had told him. He felt like a complete asshole. Giles had finally calmed down and stopped threatening to kill him, which was a good thing. But things were still shaky.  
  
  
Willow walked in and saw the vampires beaten face and the mask of astonishment that he wore.  
  
  
"What happened to you?" Willow asked concerned for his appearance.  
  
  
Spike snapped himself out of his trance and looked at Willow.  
  
  
"Uh, nothing. What's wrong? Why are you here?" He asked, knowing Willow was not a frequent visitor to his place.  
  
  
Willow looked at Giles and Spike both with sad eyes. Spike stood to his feet slowly and looked at her.  
  
  
"It's Buffy, isn't it? Something's happened." He said feeling it in his gut. He would never forgive himself for this. For hurting her and making her angry. Now, he knew by the witches face that something terrible had happened.  
  
  
Willow nodded her head. Giles turned to face her.  
  
  
"What is it? Is she alright?" He asked frantically.  
  
  
"She was attacked by something. Xander and I found her. She lost a lot of blood. Right now she's...she's in a coma." She said softly, tears falling from her cheeks.  
  
  
"Dear lord. What attacked her? Was it a vampire?" Giles asked, rubbing his temples.  
  
  
"No. I-I don't think so. Her throat...It was slashed, like a knife or a claw or something. It wasn't a bite." She said, trying to explain.  
  
  
"Her throat was slashed?" Spike asked with tears forming in his eyes.  
  
  
Willow nodded sadly.  
  
  
Spike fell back in his chair and began to cry. He hated himself more than anything. He should have been with her, she never should have been out there to begin with. Not in her condition.  
  
  
"It's all my fault. If she dies, I'll never forgive myself." Spike muttered.  
  
  
"Pull yourself together. She isn't going to die. Not again. She's going to be alright." Giles said going over to him. He was trying to fight back his own tears, and he couldn't stand to see the vampire so upset. It only made his own emotions more real.  
  
  
"I did this. If I hadn't of... If I hadn't said those things. She was obviously distracted." Spike kept mumbling to himself.  
  
  
Willow watched as he tormented himself with blame. She looked at Giles and tried to convey comfort.  
  
  
"The doctor said she should wake up, hopefully...Giles? Can I talk to you?" She asked pulling him aside.  
  
  
"There's something else you should know...about Buffy's condition." She said cautiously.  
  
  
"She's pregnant." Giles said softly.  
  
  
Willow looked at him surprised.  
  
  
"You knew?"   
  
  
"We just found out tonight." He said glancing over at Spike.  
  
  
"He knows?" She asked with a worried expression. Giles nodded. "Is it...I mean, you know...Is it his?"  
  
  
"Yes. It's a rather long story, but yes. He's rather shaken up about the whole thing. He and Buffy quarreled earlier, that's why he feels responsible." Giles told her quietly.  
  
  
"Did she beat him up?" She asked, wondering about his face.  
  
  
"No...actually that's my handiwork." He said sheepishly. Willow gave him a strange look. "I'll explain later. Right now, we need to get back to the hospital. Does Dawn know?"  
  
  
Willow shook her head.  
  
  
"Not yet. I think she's asleep. Will you go get her?"  
  
  
"Yes, I'll get her. You should take Spike with you to the hospital." He told her.   
  
  
He and Spike had talked at length over the whole situation. Giles had told him everything and he had watched the various emotions that went over the vampire. Giles had felt a small pang of remorse for attempting to kill him, but at the time his actions seemed justified. Giles eventually allowed himself to see Spike's point of view. He supposed he could understand why he would be hesitant to believe at first.  
  
  
Giles also realized that without a doubt Spike adored Buffy. The news that she was hurt this severely was bound to destroy him completely. It would destroy them all if she didn't pull through.  
  
  
Willow went over to Spike and touched his arm.  
  
  
"Hey. She's gonna be okay. Whatever happened with you two, I'm sure she'll forgive you. She needs you right now, Spike." She told him softly.  
  
  
"I know. She needed me before and I let her down, Willow. I'm nothing, I don't deserve her. She'd be better off without me." He said feeling sorry for himself.  
  
  
"Stop it. Don't you dare wallow in self pity now. Buffy needs you to be strong. You need to go to her and tell her to snap out of it. That's what you do best. You'll make her mad and she'll have to wake up just to kick your ass." She said trying to snap him out of it.  
  
  
"She'll kick my ass alright. She hates me."  
  
  
"No. She doesn't. I know she doesn't. She loves you. So what if you guys had a fight? You have em' all the time. This isn't any different." She said hoping to help him. She had no idea what they had fought about, but she assumed it was about Buffy's condition.  
  
  
"Will, you have no idea what I said to her or what is happening right now." He said slightly irritated.  
  
  
"I do know. Well, at least a little. I know about the baby." She said softly.  
  
  
Spike turned sharply and stared at her.  
  
  
"You know about that? Did she tell you?" Spike asked surprised.  
  
  
"No, the doctor told us." Willow said.  
  
  
"Us? Who else knows? Everyone?"   
  
  
"Just Xander."  
  
  
"Wait, the doctor told you? Is it...I mean the baby...It's not dead?" He asked anxiously.  
  
  
"No. They said it was okay. The baby is fine." Willow assured him.  
  
  
He looked at her and new tears formed in his eyes. He wasn't sure how to feel at that news. Just moments before, he was coming to the realization that he was going to be a father, and then suddenly Buffy is in a coma. He just assumed that the baby was gone. He thought he'd feel relief at that notion, but he didn't. He was happy to hear that it was still alive.  
  
  
"She'll wake up right? I mean, she's Buffy. She won't let something like this keep her down." He tried to reassure himself.  
  
  
"Right. She's Buffy." Willow smiled. "She's Buffy and she needs you, Spike."  
  
  
He nodded his head and stood up.  
  
  
"Let's go. I want to see her." He said grabbing his coat.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Buffy walked into a brightly lit chamber. There were two large throne like chairs sitting in the middle of the room. One of them was empty and the other contained a being almost identical to the one who called himself Assam. In front of him was a large pedestal with a round sphere like crystal perched on top. She walked tentatively into room.  
  
  
"Ah...The Chosen One. Welcome to Tartania." Lynok said with a smile.  
  
  
"You must be...the other guy." She said, not remembering what the other one had called him.  
  
  
"I am Lynok, Keeper of the Balance."   
  
  
"Great. So why am I here again?" She asked impatiently.  
  
  
"You lack patience. That isn't beneficial for us." He said hastily.  
  
  
"Sorry, but I tend to lose my patience when I'm not being told what's going on. I know who you say you are, but what do you want with me?" She asked crossly.  
  
  
"You know of your destiny. Your child's destiny, yet you endanger the mission." He said abruptly.   
  
  
"My child? Oh, I see what this is about. You must have been looking through your little crystal ball and saw that I wasn't planning on being a part of this little game anymore, right? Well, too bad. I'm not furthering any bloodlines. Get someone else" She said angrily.  
  
  
"There is no one else, you foolish girl. You are the one. There can be no other." He said angrily.  
  
  
"Well then I guess you're out of luck, mister." She said firmly. "Now send me back."  
  
  
"You do not understand what you are doing." Assam spoke up.  
  
  
"I know exactly what I'm doing. I never asked for this. I don't want a child. Not now, maybe not ever. My life isn't exactly wholesome. I slay things for a living. And to top it off, the father is a vampire. Hello? What sort of family is that supposed to be anyway?" She ranted to them.  
  
  
"What would you have me do then, child? What is it you want? Tell me your wish and I shall grant it." Lynok said to her.  
  
  
"You seem to be Mr. Power Guy, I want you to make this disappear. I want you to undo this. I want to pretend that none of this ever happened. Why can't we go back to before I died? Oh hell, why not just leave me dead? At least I was at peace then." She said bitterly.  
  
  
"I cannot undo the past." Lynok told her with a glare.  
  
  
"Well, you obviously have a handle on the future, so undo this. Change it. Change this future. Take this thing out of me." She said with tears in her eyes.  
  
  
Lynok stared at her for a moment. Assam wrung his hands nervously. This girl was nothing like what they had foreseen her to be. She had thwarted their plans and prophecies from the beginning. She had caused them much heartache and despair yet they were desperate to keep hold of her. She had proven herself to be the one that they had been seeking, they could not lose her.  
  
  
"As you wish, my child. If you want this life inside you to end, just say the word and it will be done." He said devoid of any emotion.  
  
  
"But brother!" Assam exclaimed looking at Lynok desperately.  
  
  
Lynok raised his hand to signal silence and Assam held his tongue.  
  
  
"Is that what you want?" Lynok asked her.  
  
  
She thought for a moment and suddenly she wasn't sure what wanted anymore. She was just so confused. Everything had happened so fast. The last day had just been a whirlwind. She found out she was descended from vampires, the very things she was chosen to kill. Then she found out that she was pregnant with some sort of amazing wonder child. Spike called her a whore and left her, and then...There was something else that happened, but she couldn't remember what. She knew it was bad though.  
  
  
She looked at the being with glowing green eyes. She took a deep breath and told him her answer.  
  
  
"Yes. I want it gone." She said softly.  
  
  
Lynok nodded his head and Assam looked on agitated and clearly upset.  
  
  
"First you must let me show you something." He said waving his hand over the crystal that was in front of him. The clear glass turned a smoky gray color. Buffy stepped forward cautiously.  
  
  
"What is that?" She asked quietly.  
  
  
"This is your home. Sunnydale. This is what will happen in 15 years." He said looking at her for a reaction.  
  
  
She stared into the glass and saw images of a graveyard. The names of her friends were emblazoned on the tombstones.  
  
  
"What happened?" She asked hoarsely.  
  
  
"They died. They all died." He said calmly.  
  
  
The images changed to that of a small boy crying on the steps of a small house.  
  
  
"Who is that little boy?" She asked.  
  
  
"That is your nephew. He's all alone now. His parents were killed by demons in their sleep." He explained.  
  
  
"Dawnie?" She said sadly, thinking of her sister. She looked up at him. "Dawnie had a little boy?" She said with tears in her eyes.  
  
  
The image changed sharply to small flashes of death and destruction. People were in pain. Demons were everywhere. She couldn't watch it. She looked away. When she looked back the crystal was clear again, the images gone.  
  
  
Lynok looked at her satisfied that he'd made his point.  
  
  
"That is the future without your child." He said to her.  
  
  
She stared blankly at the now silent crystal. Then she looked up at him.  
  
  
"But where am I? Why didn't I stop this?" She whispered.  
  
  
"You are dead as well."  
  
  
"Oh...Well what about the other Slayers?" She asked confused.  
  
  
"There will be no other Slayers. You see, your death is no longer of consequence in the chain of Slayers. That said, the one you call Faith must die, before a new Slayer will be called. And she remains incarcerated for at least another five years from what you've witnessed. By the time she is released, it will not matter. The world will be in total darkness and beyond help. Without your child, the Slayer legacy will cease to exist. And without your presence, this is what the future holds." He explained to her.  
  
  
"If this is fifteen years from now, wouldn't my child be too young to do anything? And if Faith is alive, How would they be called? How could they stop this?" She asked, not comprehending.  
  
  
"None of this would come to be. Not for several more years. Your child's role will come later. She will not need to be called, she will just simply be. It has never happened before that a Slayer and a vampire would create a life. This child will be truly chosen and powerful. Powerful beyond anything you could comprehend. Upon her twentieth birthday she will gain her full strength. When the darkness finally descends upon the earth, she will be there to stop it. She will not only keep the balance, she will be the Balance."  
  
  
Buffy listened carefully and was intrigued, but still wary.  
  
  
"I thought this sort of thing happened before. Giles...I mean my Watcher, he told me vampires and humans...I mean, isn't that where a Slayer comes from? That's what he told me." She said, confused.  
  
  
"Well, yes. That is correct. You are descended from the dark ones. It is where you receive your power and your ability. Once every one hundred fifty years, two are chosen. A mortal and a vampire. It has never happened with a Slayer. Your blood is already strong and with the vampire, this child will be extraordinary. We knew it would come to pass, but we were not sure who the Slayer would be. But then you came along. You were different. We knew you would be. Though you still manage to surprise us." He told her with a smile. "You were tempted with the love of a vampire. To our delight, you had no problem separating your duty from your heart. You followed your heart regardless of your conditioning."  
  
  
"Me and Angel?" She asked softly.  
  
  
"Yes, the cursed one. He was your first test." Lynok told her.  
  
  
"A test? Angel was a test?"  
  
  
"Well, yes. You needed to accept that the world was not black and white. There were many shades of gray."  
  
  
"So, me loving Angel was some sort of sick test? What is with you people? Did you know what would happen? Did you know that he would turn evil again?" She asked bitterly.  
  
  
"Of course we knew. We had to be certain that even though you knew love with his kind, you still must kill them. We had to be sure that you could separate your duty from your heart. If you had given up the fight against someone you once loved, all would be lost."  
  
  
Buffy was livid at this information.  
  
  
"You tortured me as a test? You people are twisted."  
  
  
"We sent him back though. His path was not yet complete, but he fulfilled our purpose."  
  
  
"Your purpose? You just used us and then figured what the hell? We'll just send him back and everything's cool? Do you have any idea how much pain I was in? That he was in? And why wasn't it him? Why couldn't we be together? Why couldn't this wonder child be his?" She asked with tears in her eyes. She was livid and hurt.   
  
  
Angel and she had wanted so badly to be together. He would have wept at the news of a child. He would never have called her a whore. He would have loved her and the baby forever.  
  
  
"The child could not be his because it was not written that way." Lynok told her.  
  
  
"Well, rewrite it." She said angrily.  
  
  
"Is that what you would really want?" He didn't let her answer. "It doesn't not matter. His path is entirely different from yours. He is there to atone for his crimes. He is seeking redemption, not reward. His duty is to save other lost souls such as himself. It is his calling. He could not be part of your destiny."  
  
  
"What else have you done to me? What other things did you do to hurt me? Did you kill my mother? Was that a test?" She asked angrily, suddenly wanting to rip their shiny green eyes right out of their heads.  
  
  
"Your mother? Well, her time was simply up, my child. Nothing to be done about that. But it was necessary. Your maternal role was vital. Without her, you had no choice but to step into that role."  
  
  
"Dawn...Did you guys send Dawn to me? Was she a test?"  
  
  
"Everything is a test, my child. Life is a test. Your sister was sent to you so that you could know love. Unconditional love. You felt as if she was your own. She was your blood, created in your image, just as a child would be. Your sacrifice for her, was the truest test. That is why you were sent back." He told her.  
  
  
She seethed with anger and confusion. Everything in her life had been orchestrated from the very beginning. Nothing seemed real.  
  
  
"You wanted me to die for her?"  
  
  
"Yes. It proved that you possessed a mother's love. So strong, you were willing to die for it. Even if she wasn't real, or even entirely human. You loved her no matter her origins. That was essential. It was essential so that when the time came, your own child would know that love despite her fathers condition. And it was also essential for the vampire to love your sister."  
  
  
"What?" She asked shaking her head.  
  
  
"The vampire. He had to be tested as well. He had already grown fond of you, but we were not yet sure he was the one. If he was, then he would be able to truly love, without limits. Without any romantic overtures. If he could overcome his nature and open his heart, then he would be the one. His devotion to your sister proved once and for all that it was in fact he that was chosen. He felt a father's love for the first time with your sister. Ordinary vampires are not capable of this. He proved himself." Lynok said with a small smile. The girl certainly had a lot of questions. He was beginning to tire of them.  
  
  
"I can't believe all of this. It's insane. Everything that's happened has been some sort of game to you? Do you sit back with some popcorn and watch your little magic crystal and enjoy the show? Or is it more like a choose your own adventure book, where you can change the way something's gonna end when you don't like what's happening?"  
  
  
"I do not understand what you mean. This is the way of the universe. As I told you, life is a test. For everyone, not just you."  
  
  
"Well forget it. I'm not doing it. Not any of it. I'm through playing. I want my wish now. Undo it." She said, trying to block out everything that he had just told her. She was tired of everything.  
  
  
Lynok was becoming increasingly impatient. Perhaps she was not the one after all? He had been so certain. She had passed the tests, but she was beginning to irritate him.  
  
  
"Fine then. You want me to undo things, I will. You want the child gone? I will do it. But you must know, if I grant your wish you will die as well. The only way to destroy the child is to let you die." He told he grimly.  
  
  
"Let me die?" She asked, not knowing what he meant.  
  
  
"Of course. You don't remember." He said with a small smile. He waved his hand over the crystal once more and images returned.   
  
  
Buffy looked on as she witnessed the demon attacking her in the cemetery. Her neck slashed wide open. The next flash was of Willow and Xander crying in the hospital, another flash of Dawn sobbing in Giles' arms. The images shifted once more and focused on her body lying in a hospital bed. She was hooked up to tubes and monitors.  
  
  
"Oh my god." She said with a sob caught in her throat.  
  
  
"Your friends found you in the cemetery. I'm afraid it doesn't look good. They are very worried for you." Lynok said provoking her emotions..  
  
  
She watched as the image stayed fixed on her body. She went to look away when she saw him approaching. She had silently wondered where he was through all this. She figured he was still so disgusted by her that he didn't even care she was dying. She saw him take her limp hand and sit next to the bed.  
  
  
She saw the tears running down his face and watched as he laid his head down on her still body and began to sob. Her heart ached. She wanted to reach out and touch him but she reminded herself that she was angry with him. She had promised herself, she'd never forgive him. She shrugged off the emotions and looked back at Lynok.  
  
  
"So you think showing me this is going to change my mind, is that it? How do I know this isn't some sort of trick? How do I know that any of this is real? I don't even remember being attacked. Maybe this another test?" She said putting on her brave face. She was so confused, but she had reason to mistrust these people, or whatever they were. They had been messing with her life all along.  
  
  
"You are not an easy person to convince, now are you?" Lynok said with irritation.  
  
  
"No, I'm not. And I-I'm not convinced." She said starting to doubt her own doubts.  
  
  
"If you are still certain that you want your wish granted, then I will do it." Lynok said with a grim smile. "Just observe one more thing for me, and then you give me your final decision."  
  
  
"There seems to be a lot of 'one more things'. You seem to be all talk, don't you? Just undo this already!" She said growing more impatient and upset.  
  
  
"Just watch." He bellowed at her. He was not pleased with her attitude.  
  
  
Buffy took a deep breath and tried to be firm in her resolve. The crystals image faded to a funeral. Her funeral again. The second one that her friends had had to endure. She saw the anguish and the pain on their faces. Dawn was huddled in a ball on the ground sobbing. Buffy wiped away the tears from her face. Her heart was breaking.  
  
  
The picture changed to Spike sitting alone at her gravesite. The sky was pinking up in the background. She turned to look at Lynok.  
  
  
"What is he doing?" She asked with a horrified look.  
  
  
"He's waiting for the sun. It shouldn't be long now." Lynok told her casually.  
  
  
Buffy watched as Spike lay down next to her grave marker and wept. The sun started to rise in the sky behind him and Buffy started crying. She turned her head away just as he was incinerated by the rays of light.  
  
  
"Stop it! I don't want to see that. Turn it off." She cried. She was completely devastated by what she just witnessed.   
  
  
"This is what will happen. He could not take the pain of your death again. He felt responsible, just as he did the last time. He was also mourning the loss of the child that he wanted so badly with you. You were to give him the life he was robbed of over a century ago. The life he wanted. You took that from him." Lynok told her.  
  
  
"Stop it. It's not true. He didn't even believe that the baby was his. He hated me for it." She cried shaking her head.  
  
  
"You didn't give him enough time." Lynok told her.  
  
  
"He hurt me." She whispered sadly.  
  
  
"And now you have killed him." He told her realizing that his words were harsh, but they were meant to be. He wanted her to understand the full impact of her decision.   
  
  
Buffy lunged forward and attempted to attack Lynok, but there was a force field of some sort protecting him. She bounced back and landed on the floor. The anguish and rage burning from her eyes.  
  
  
"I didn't kill him. I loved him. I still love him." She said through her tears.  
  
  
"So then what is your choice? Shall we undo your destiny?" Lynok asked her knowing what her answer would be.  
  
  
"You know I don't have a choice. I never did. I can't let any of them suffer like that. Not again. Not if I can help it." She said softly.  
  
  
"So then you will return and fulfill your destiny? You will allow this child to born and loved? You will resume your duty?" Lynok asked with a sly smile.   
  
  
He had hoped all along that she would come to her senses. It had been a drastic measure dragging her to their realm, but he felt it was necessary. The Powers would hopefully be lenient on him for bringing in an outsider.  
  
  
"Yes. I will go back and do your bidding. I still say it isn't fair. I wanted a normal life. I didn't want any of this. I never wanted any of this. I just wanted to be happy." She said sadly, wiping the tears from her eyes.  
  
  
"You are being given a normal life. You are not without happiness, my child. We are not making you to suffer. You are bringing that on yourself. We have given you more than enough chances at life. We have given you friends, a sister, and a man who loves you without end. You will soon have a child of your own to love, your own family. We have not stripped you of anything. You must make your peace with that. Enjoy your destiny. It's a gift, not a burden." Lynok told her sincerely.  
  
  
She looked up at him and his words moved her deep inside. She knew he was right. She did complain an awful lot about her role in life. She always whined about being normal, but the truth was that she was normal. Normal was just a relative term. You had to find your own definition.  
  
  
Lynok saw how she absorbed his words and took them to her heart. He was pleased with himself and sighed. He decided to give her one final gift for her troubles.  
  
  
"Slayer." He said to her with a smile.  
  
  
She looked up at him questioning him with her eyes.  
  
  
"Would you like to see what you are fighting for. Perhaps it will give you a little perspective. It is my gift to you." He said happily waving his hand over the mystical crystal once more.  
  
  
Buffy was almost afraid to look but her curiosity got the best of her. She gazed into the glass and saw the image of a little girl. She was sitting on a swing laughing. She appeared to be around four or five. She had wavy blonde hair, blue eyes and the cutest smile Buffy had ever seen. She reached out and touched the crystal gently.  
  
  
"Is that..." She started softly.  
  
  
"That is your daughter."   
  
  
"She's beautiful." Buffy said emotionally, tears running down her cheeks. "She looks like him." She added softly.  
  
  
"Yes." Lynok said proudly. He waved his hand over the crystal and the image disappeared.  
  
  
"I want to see more." She said turning to him.  
  
  
"If you want to see more my child, then you must return to live it." He told her.  
  
  
She looked at him sadly. He motioned for her to return through the door she had come from. She nodded her head and walked towards the other chamber. She walked through the wall of swirling light and in a sudden flash of light, she was gone.  
  
  
Assam rushed up to Lynok.  
  
  
"How could you have given her a choice. What if she had chosen to end it? What then?" He said angrily.  
  
  
"I knew she would not take the wish. She may be an irritating person, but she's still the Chosen One. She's pure and good and full of love. There was no way she would have taken the wish given what she had seen."  
  
  
"You are very fortunate to be correct. The Powers would have had your head for this one." Assam said shaking his head.  
  
  
"I am always right." Lynok said smugly, silently thanking his lucky stars that the whole thing had not blown up in his face.  
  
***********************************************************  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Pledging Eternity

Disclaimer: I own nothing here but the story. I don't know if anyone else would want to claim responsibility. Please don't sue.

Author's Note: This is the fifth installment in the Bound By Destiny series. I know the story has developed into something of pure fantasy, but isn't that was fanfic is for? Hope you enjoy my fantasy world.

Pledging Eternity

Everyone sat in the waiting room of the hospital. It had been nearly twenty four hours since Buffy had been brought in. She was still not awake and everyone was beginning to worry.

Dawn sat half asleep in a chair huddled next to Spike. He was staring blankly off into space. So many thoughts and emotions running through his mind. He was still reeling from the information Giles had given him earlier. He didn't understand why any of this was happening.

He didn't understand how he fit into all of this destiny stuff. He was a vampire. He had been pretty confident that destiny and purpose did not apply to him. But then things started changing for him. He fought it at first because nothing made sense. When he had first encountered Buffy all those years ago, he felt the changes beginning.

It was subtle at first, not really apparent to anyone else but himself. And maybe Drusilla. She had always been able to see things that others couldn't. He had started to feel something for Buffy almost immediately. It wasn't anything remotely like what he felt now, that was for sure. But it was almost as if he felt drawn to her. Of course it didn't stop him from trying kill her all those years ago.

The biggest transformation had come after his run in with the Initiative. They had changed his life against his will and for that he had been deeply angry. He had been fine for a 120 years with the way his life was. He was used to feeling powerful and feared. He enjoyed his existence as a vampire very much. It sure beat the hopeless fool he had been in life.

But with the inability to carry on as he was accustomed, he found himself inexplicably pulled in the direction of Buffy and her friends. It made no sense to any of them at the time. They were all bitter enemies. They should have just killed him, he knew. But for some reason, they didn't. They helped him. 

And for other reasons, he never killed any of them. It wasn't as if he didn't make a half hearted attempt once in awhile, but somewhere deep down he had actually liked these people. He didn't really want to destroy them. At the time, he was disgusted by his growing feelings and tried to fight it. Nothing made sense. He had never given a damn about anyone except himself and Drusilla. Certainly he had never given a second thought to a human much less an entire group of them.

It wasn't as if suddenly he woke up and wanted to save the world. And it wasn't as if he cared about every human. Most of them were pathetic creatures. He didn't give them a second thought one way or the other. He didn't dislike people, he was just indifferent. But not when it came to Buffy and her band of Scoobies. Much as he protested, he liked them. He had liked Buffy's mum too.

He remembered Joyce fondly. That was a woman he had admired and respected from the beginning. She had hit him over the head with an axe trying to protect Buffy. She was gutsy and he enjoyed that. There were lots of times he could have killed her. She trusted him and even listened to his problems while making him cocoa. It was laughable, and yet, he enjoyed it. 

Maybe she had seen something inside him all along? Something that wasn't to be feared or hated. He wondered about that. Maybe she sensed he was different too and acted accordingly. Maybe she just didn't find him threatening? He didn't know. It was all so confusing.

He knew he hadn't turned all soul having like Angel. He was still morally ambiguous. He cared about a select group of people and eventually resigned himself to the fact that he would work with them rather than against them. Did that make him good? He didn't really think so. But did it make him that much different than an ordinary person? 

After more than a century walking this earth, he had encountered countless people. Some he killed, others he didn't. Others he studied like a science project. He tried to understand what made them tick. Over and over, he saw the same thing. People generally didn't give a damn about the world. They only cared about their little corner of it. 

That was the way he felt. Maybe he didn't have that desire to help strangers. He had once saidsomething to the effect that it seemed an awful lot of trouble for people other than them. And that was what it boiled down to. He'd be loyal to the ones he cared about and knew. Nobody else really mattered. Not to him anyway. Maybe that wasn't exactly and admirable trait, but it didn't make him evil, it only made him more human.

Hero's were few and far between. People like Buffy and her friends had intrigued him immediately. He understood Buffy's desire to do good. She was the Slayer, it was her calling. But these other people? They had no duty to this world. No reason to risk their lives for a world that didn't even give a damn. He had been suitably impressed. Maybe that was why he was drawn to them? They had conviction and purpose. They were mortals who had everything to lose and to fear and yet they kept fighting.

Yeah, he had liked that about them. Maybe he saw in them what he wished he could be, but knew he never would become? He was no hero. He was the anti-hero. He was the epitome of everything they hated and feared. And still they learned to accept him, maybe even care a little about him. Buffy had learned to care…

Beautiful, feisty, Buffy. She had loathed him with such passion he could not help but fall in love with her. She was strong and stubborn. His fascination with her had slowly changed and he knew it. He found himself wanting to see her, even if it was only for her to slap him around and degrade him. But he had felt the connection with her. The strange, unfathomable connection. 

She said she hadn't felt it, but he knew that she did. She had been just as thrown as he had been. Only she was much better at fighting it. He had made a fool of himself for her and yet he couldn't have stopped it if he tried. He became a stranger to himself, and it unnerved him.

What he was now, was nothing like where he started out. He was a paradox. A soulless being so consumed by love that he would fall for his sworn enemy. He would die for her and those she loved. And now, here he sat terrified of her death once again. A death that he couldn't live with. And now there was a child.

His child. A miracle if he had ever heard one. He had been horrified and terrified. How could he ever be good enough to take on the role of parent? The Powers were insane. He was William the friggin Bloody, he thought to himself. Not exactly father of the year. But yet, he was deeply moved and thrilled at the thought.

It was a life that he had been robbed of when he was human. An existence that he never dreamed possible, and never wanted to dream. But it was happening. The mystical forces that controlled fate and destiny had chosen him for some unexplained reason. They had chosen him and his Buffy for this task.

He would do everything he could to make things right. He didn't understand any of it, but it was still real and happening. Now all she had to do was wake up so they could start over. She had to wake up, he told himself.

Another hour went by and Spike finally stood up. Dawn had fallen asleep beside him and Willow and Tara had gone to get coffee for everyone. The waiting around was making Spike insane. He never could stand to wait for anything, especially waiting to see if his love was going to come out of a coma.

"I'm going in to see her again." He told Giles.

Giles nodded his head and watched as the vampire made his way through the corridor to her room.

Spike opened the door slowly and saw her still form lying there peacefully. She had a large bandage on her throat and IV lines coming out of her from every direction. The heart monitor beeped steadily creating an annoying distraction for him. He sat down next to her and took her hand.

"Hey baby." He said softly. "You've been sleeping long enough you know? It's time to wake up."

He hated every minute of this. But he had to be strong. He reached out and stroked her hair out of her face.

"I know that I'm probably the last person you want to see right now. I know I'm a bastard. I didn't mean those things I said to you. I was just confused and angry. I didn't know." He said wiping the tears out of his eyes.

He heard the beeping of the monitor begin to pick up the pace. He glanced at it and noticed that her heart rhythm was accelerating. Maybe she could sense him in the room and was getting upset. He couldn't blame her.

"Hey, don't get all irritated at me just yet. I'm trying to apologize you know?" He said with a small smile.

He touched her face and kissed her limp hand gently. She squeezed it tightly. He looked at her with surprise.

"Can you hear me? Just open your eyes, Buffy." He said hopefully.

She started to move her head slowly and her eyes fluttered open. She looked at him with blurry vision. She could barely make him out, but she knew it was him. She managed a small smile, but it hurt to do so.

He bent down and kissed her gently with tears running down his face.

"I knew you'd come back." He whispered softly into her ear.

She tried to speak but it was not easy. The neck wound had not been deep enough to cause any permanent vocal damage, but it was definitely sore. Luckily her Slayer healing powers had kicked into high gear and allowed her a speedier recovery than most people.

"Spike?" She managed to choke out hoarsely.

"It's me, Luv. You're going to be alright. You just had a little accident." He said trying to keep her calm.

"Demon?" She whispered.

"I think so. We weren't sure. That doesn't matter right now. What matters is that you are going to be fine." He said stroking her hair.

"The baby?" She asked softly. She needed to know what had happened to it. She remembered vaguely her visit to another realm. Everything was fuzzy but it was coming back to her.

Spike looked at her and hung his head down. He knew she was probably still angry with him, with good cause. Talking about the source of their argument was uncomfortable territory.

"It's fine. Our child is fine." He said softly, looking into her eyes.

She looked at him quizzically.

"Ours?" She whispered unsure of when he had made that revelation. He had been so pig headed he wouldn't even let her explain.

"I know all about it, Buffy. I was an asshole before. I know it and I'm sorry. I just didn't understand. I was shocked and stupid." He said shaking his head embarrassed by his earlier actions.

She managed another painful smile. She reached for his hand again and squeezed it tightly.

"You are an asshole." She whispered to him and he looked at her shamefully.

She wasn't going to forgive him for this. He didn't deserve it anyway. He lowered his head.

"But I still love you." She managed to say hoarsely.

He looked up at her and smiled through his shame. He kissed her gently on the mouth and smiled at her.

"I'll make it up to you. You can beat me up once you're all better. Whatever it takes." He said smiling at her.

"Count on it." She whispered with a smile.

He laughed a little and looked into her eyes again.

"I have to tell everyone else. They're all worried about you. Just stay right here and I'll go get them." He said nervously.

She looked at him with a half smirk.

"As if I'm going anywhere." She said sarcastically. She may be hurting and hoarse, but she was still her usual self.

He smiled at her and headed out to tell the others.

Buffy was finally coming home from the hospital. It had been almost a week since the night that she was attacked and she was making all the doctors and nurses crazy. She hated hospitals and it showed. They were almost ready to induce another coma just to shut her up, but instead decided she was strong enough to go home.

They had told her to wait until the next morning to check out, but she had insisted on leaving that evening. They were not about to argue with her. She called her house and Spike answered. He had been staying there with Dawn while Buffy was in the hospital.

She had told him to come get her. He had been pleased to hear the fire back in her voice. She was definitely not a good patient. He wouldn't have been either. Neither one of them could stand to be idle for more than a few minutes. 

They had just pulled up in the driveway and Spike was trying to help her out of the car.

"I can walk myself. I'm fine." She said impatiently. She hated being treated like a china doll. It made her feel helpless and weak.

"Stop your complaining, woman." He teased her. 

She rolled her eyes at him and let him put his arm around her to steady her. She was still slightly weak from spending her days in a hospital bed, but she felt good. They walked inside and she sat down on the couch. Dawn put her bags down and sat down next to her.

"You want something to drink or eat? I could get you something." Dawn told her.

"No. I'm fine. I had some really wonderful Jello right before I left." She said with a smile.

"You want to lie down?" Spike asked her.

"No, I've been lying down for a week." She said looking at them irritated. Then she softened her face. "Sorry. I'm just a little off. You guys are great, really, but I'm fine. It doesn't even hurt anymore. I'll be back to normal in no time." She smiled.

"But what about the other thing, Buffy? I mean shouldn't you take it easy for awhile?" Dawn asked her cautiously. 

She was still shocked to learn that she was going to be an aunt. She had been embarrassed for ever thinking Buffy had cheated on Spike. When she learned the truth, she was as surprised as everyone else.

"I'm not a fragile piece of glass, you guys. I just endured having my throat slit by a demon and nearly bleeding to death. I think it's safe for me to be walking around." She said with a small laugh.

They were both being so overprotective. She hoped that they would lighten up a bit. She wasn't about to be coddled endlessly for the next few months. 

"You're right, it's just that we don't want you to do too much too soon." Dawn told her.

"I'm fine. You know, maybe I am a little hungry. I could use a sandwich." She said attempting to get up. Spike pushed her down gently.

"Just let us do it. Enjoy being fussed over cause it's not likely to happen again any time soon." He joked with her. She glared at him then smiled. She sighed and let them go make her sandwich.

Later that night, she and Spike lay in her bed. He was holding her tightly, just enjoying having her back with him. He hated sleeping alone especially when he knew she was miserably lying in a hospital bed somewhere. They had talked at length about their relationship and the baby.

It was still unsettling and he had been hurt to find out that she had been planning to terminate the pregnancy. He didn't blame her though. He had been beyond hurtful to her. He felt so guilty because he knew it was because of him that she would even consider such a thing.

She hadn't yet told him or anyone about her journey to the netherworld while she was unconscious. She wasn't sure she should tell, or if she wanted to. It was all so mind numbing, but it had opened her eyes.

She and Spike had made peace with each other again. She forgave him for the hurtful things he said. She knew that he had been devastated at the thought of her being with someone else. She realized she should have explained everything first before just blurting something like that out. She had just been so confused, she made a mistake. His quick temper didn't help things.

He had told her that he wanted the baby. He was scared out of his mind, but he wanted it. He wanted everything. He wanted her most of all. He reached out now and touched her stomach. There was no visible sign that anything was living inside of her, but he felt it. He knew it was there.

She put her hand over his and smiled. He looked up at her with love in his eyes.

"That's mine in there…" He said softly, still in awe.

"It's ours." She whispered.

"Part of me is alive inside you…"He said amazed.

She smiled at him.

"Kind of weird, huh?" She told him.

He leaned into her and kissed her gently. He looked deep into her eyes.

"Buffy, I know this is all very strange and awkward…But I want you to know how happy I am. I'm sorry I ever doubted it." He said remorsefully.

"It's okay. I was freaked too. I still am a little. But we'll get through it." She told him.

"Together." He told her as he kissed her again. Then he looked at her seriously. "I want you with me forever."

"I know." She said softly.

"I mean it, Buffy. I mean, I realize that forever isn't the same for me as it is for you. I know…I know it will have to end. But until that time, I want you with me. I want you to be mine." He told her sincerely.

"I already am." She told him touching his face.

"I know, but I was thinking something more official. Well, not actually official, but something different. I want everyone to know what you mean to me, that we belong to each other…I want you to marry me." He said softly, not even really believing the words himself.

Marriage was a human thing. It had no place in a vampires life. But he wasn't just a vampire anymore. He was a person. She had said before to him that the only thing that mattered was what was in your heart. But that wasn't enough for him anymore. He wanted the world to know that his heart belonged to her.

"What?" She asked, tears forming in her eyes.

"I want you to marry me. I know this isn't the proper way to ask and all, but I'm asking anyway. I know it won't be legal or anything, but I want it to happen. I want to give you the fairytale that you want. I mean, I may still be a frog and not a prince, but I want the world to know that I'm your frog and no one else's." He said with a smile.

She was stunned. They had broached this subject before at Xander and Anya's wedding, but she assumed he was satisfied with what she had told him. She never expected this at all. Of course, she never expected to have a baby either.

She looked at him astounded. She touched his face gently and looked into his eyes. Then she smiled at him.

"So where is my ring, huh?" She said jokingly.

He looked at her with relief. She wasn't saying no.

"Is that a yes?" He asked her.

"I'll have to see the ring first." She teased him. 

He laughed at her.

"You're lucky you're still all fragile, or else…" He teased her.

"Or else what? You can't take me, and you know it." She joked.

He smiled and pulled her in for another kiss, this time more passionately. She pulled away and looked at him deviously.

"It better be nicer than the last ring you gave me, cause that was just hideous." She said playfully.

"Very funny." He said sarcastically. Then he looked at her seriously. "It'll be beautiful just like you. I promise."

"I love you." She said to him with a smile.

"I love you…for always." He told her kissing her gently.

"For always…" She said snuggling in closer to him.

They were a little nervous to tell everyone about their news. But they had all lived through the pregnancy shocker, so news of a wedding wasn't entirely bizarre anymore. In fact, everyone had seemed happy for them.

Life in Sunnydale was never ordinary, that was for sure. The recent events were no exception. All of Buffy's friends were okay with her relationship now. It was useless to do anything but accept it. It was a fact of life now. One that wasn't likely to change no matter how insane it might have seemed.

Buffy and Willow were having lunch talking about everything that had happened. Buffy was talking about what she wanted her wedding to be like.

"I don't want anything fancy, or traditional for that matter. I mean, I'm marrying one of the undead, so I'm not big on tradition. And obviously, it's not gonna happen in a church, so scratch that off the list. I'm thinking outdoors." She said thoughtfully.

"Um, sunlight? Did you forget that again?" Willow said sheepishly.

"No. Not daytime, but evening. Someplace pretty. Under the stars. It could be very romantic." She said dreamily.

"What about the beach? That's romantic. The beach at night…Maybe under a full moon?" Willow offered her.

"Oh…I like that. That's nice. But one thing I'm not sure of is who's gonna perform the ceremony? I mean, holy men? Not big into marrying vampires I'm pretty sure. Plus there's the whole religious thing, being that I'm not or anything." Buffy said pondering her options.

She was enjoying every minute of this. Now she knew why Anya had made such a fuss. It was fun and exciting.

"I know someone, Buffy. She sorta does stuff like this for a living." Willow said trying to be helpful.

"She marries vampires for a living?"

"No, not vampires. But other people…you know, people who can't get married like normal folks. She does commitment ceremonies. Tara and I met her at a Lesbian Wicca group. I mean, you and Spike aren't lesbians or Wiccan, but you're definitely unconventional. I bet she'd do it, if you want me to ask?" Willow said getting excited.

"How is she with the whole vampire thing? Does she know about that or would we have to lie?" Buffy asked. Lying wasn't a problem, but she may be curious as to why they couldn't get married the old fashioned way.

"Um, she knows about them. That they exist and all. Tara and I sort of told her about you and what you do. She was fascinated. She's really cool. You'd like her. I mean if we explained, she'd be cool with it, I think." Willow told her, hoping Buffy didn't mind them discussing her.

"You talked about me with her?" She asked surprised.

"Well, she's sort of psychic too. She kind of read my thoughts when I was worried about you after you were hurt, you know? She picked up on my feelings. So I sorta told her some stuff. But she was way cool, don't worry. She's very open minded. I mean, she's a witch like Tara and me. Supernatural is her middle name." Willow said with a sheepish smile.

"Okay. Ask her if she'll do it. If she's all psychic and stuff, maybe you won't need to explain too much, huh?" Buffy laughed.

"I'll talk to her." Willow said squeezing Buffy's hand tightly.

It was two months later and everything was in place. Buffy was excited and a little nervous. She fussed with her dress. She was four and half months pregnant by now, and just barely showing any visible signs.

She had chosen a simple white dress. It had spaghetti straps and was long and straight. It wasn't tight, but hung loosely around her body. The bottom flared out slightly and flowed around her. It was made of a light cotton material and felt soft to her skin. It was not a wedding dress but it was perfect for her. It was what she wanted.

She wore her hair down around her shoulders. She thought of putting it up and doing something fancy with it, but figured she wanted to look and feel like herself. She picked up the wreath of flowers that Willow had made for her to wear around her head. It was all very fairy like. She felt like some sort of Goddess, but not of the Hellgod variety, she chuckled to herself.

She hoped that Spike was doing okay and not having second thoughts. She knew that he was with Xander and Giles at Giles' place, while she stayed with Willow and Dawn at her house. They were going to take separate cars to the spot at the beach.

Anya had happily taken over setting the place up. She went ahead with Tara to the beach location and put up the flowers and the torches that would provide the soft lighting for the occasion. It was going to be very small and private. Just the gang and no one else. Anya thought it was terribly romantic, but not as perfect as her own wedding of course. They now just had to sit back and wait for them to get there.

Spike was pacing nervously in Giles' living room.

"It's nerve wracking, isn't it? The waiting?" Xander said remembering his own pre wedding jitters.

"It's bloody torture, is what it is." He said running his hands through his hair nervously.

"I'm sure she isn't gonna back out or anything." Xander reassured him with a smile.

"But what if she does? What if she realizes that she's making the biggest mistake of her life?" Spike asked desperately.

"Well Spike, she's already done that. She's carrying your child, remember?" Xander teased him.

"That's not funny." He said bitterly.

"Hey, relax. I'm just kidding." Xander said feeling a pang of guilt.

He was slowly but surely warming up to Spike. They had been through a lot together. Spike had been the best man at his wedding of all things. It didn't get much more accepting than that. Still, they'd always insult each other. It was just the way things were. It didn't mean all that much anymore.

"Do I look okay? I mean I can't even see myself." Spike said dejectedly.

He was more than nervous, he was terrified. He had been the one to want this, and now he was realizing the insanity of it all.

"You look fine. You look like you." Xander said, taking in his appearance.

Buffy and Spike had agreed that they wouldn't dress up in traditional wedding clothes. They wanted it to be real. She had told him that he could wear what he wanted. He had been relieved to know that he didn't have to put on another uncomfortable tuxedo again. But he did want to make some sort of effort.

He had bought a pair of actual pants, not just jeans. They were black slacks and he wore a dark blue button up shirt. He had even bought new shoes and decided to retire the combat boots for later. He hoped that he looked decent. He wanted her to be happy.

"I look like me? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" He asked curiously.

"You're very attractive." Xander said nervously.

Spike looked at him strangely and smirked. Xander quickly turned red from embarrassment.

"Not that I noticed. At least not in a homosexual way, that's for sure. I-I don't notice things like that, I'm a straight man. But since you asked, I can see how a female might think your okay…" Xander rambled on nervously.

He hated how he was always saying stupid things. He had done this once before a long time ago when he had gone on and on about Spike's well muscled body and Buffy accused him of having sex with Spike. He was a complete dork who always shoved his foot in his mouth, he cursed himself.

"Relax, Harris. I won't tell your wife that you fancy me." Spike said sarcastically.

"I do not 'fancy' anything of yours!" He protested.

"You two better stop your bickering . It's time for us to leave now." Giles chimed as he rolled his eyes.

Spike grabbed his coat and pulled it on.

"You're gonna wear that?" Xander asked curiously.

"Well, yeah. It's sort of my trademark." He said sarcastically.

"Don't you think it's a little much for a wedding?" Xander asked.

"Not my wedding." Spike smiled.

Xander shook his head and followed him out the door.

Buffy arrived before Spike did. She looked at the setting and smiled. It was perfect. Cozy and romantic. She and Willow walked up to Athena, the woman who was going to perform the ceremony.

"You look radiant, dear." Athena said to her with a smile.

They had met with each other previously to discuss the wedding. Athena had wanted to know more about the couple that she was joining. It helped her prepare a ceremony to suit them better. She wasn't into doing anything out of a book.

Each couple that she joined together were unique in their own right. Every ceremony was tailor made. It was the only way to do it in her eyes. And Buffy and Spike had been nothing short of unique. Athena had nearly wept when she learned of how they had overcome so much and still managed to find love with each other. It defied all reasoning and logic. Athena had been overjoyed at their tale.

"Is he here yet?" Buffy asked nervously.

"Not yet, my dear. He will be. I feel it." Athena smiled.

"I hope so, cause then wouldn't I feel foolish. All dressed up and stood up." Buffy said with a nervous laugh.

"Don't even entertain the thought." Athena said knowingly. 

Just then, Giles' car pulled into sight. The three men hurried out of the red sports car and down to the sand where everyone else was waiting.

Spike saw Buffy standing there, illuminated by the torches. The wind blew softly through her hair and he saw her smile at the sight of him. He felt as if the whole world had stopped and there was nothing but the two of them. He turned to Xander and shrugged his coat off.

"Here, put this somewhere. Maybe it is a little much." He said to him, not taking his eyes of Buffy.

She looked so perfect and he didn't want to mess up the moment by wearing his bad ass, tough guy coat. This wasn't a time to keep up images. It was a time to be real. He knew that now.

Xander took the coat and went to put it in the car. Spike and Giles walked over to where the women were.

"You look beautiful." Giles said proudly to Buffy.

"Thanks." She said with a smile and looked at Spike.

He wanted to take her and kiss her but he knew that they were supposed to wait until after. At least that's the way it usually worked.

"You are stunning." Spike said softly.

"You're not so bad yourself." She said with a smile.

Xander came walking up and Buffy hugged him tightly. 

"Everything looks amazing." Xander said to her. "Especially you."

Anya walked up behind him.

"I did all of this. That's why it's so amazing. I mean I had nothing to do with Buffy, but the rest of it? That's my work." Anya said proudly.

"You did good." Xander said kissing his wife.

"Yes, it's perfect." Buffy said to her grateful.

Athena signaled to them that it was time to begin. Everyone walked up the makeshift altar that Anya and Tara had put together. It consisted of two small pillars with flowers and ivy wrapped around it. Behind where Athena stood was a small bonfire.

Torches with ribbons around them lined the path to the altar. There were no chairs, so everyone had to stand. But that was what Buffy wanted. She wanted everyone she loved to stand beside her for this day.

She had decided against the bridesmaids and even the traditional walking down the aisle. She simply gathered everyone around with her and Spike in the middle. Giles stood next to Buffy symbolic of his fatherly role to her. It had never even occurred to her to ask her real father to be there.

She hadn't spoken to him in ages. He knew nothing of her life anymore and she didn't care. This was her family now. It had been for a long time. The only absence that she felt desperately was that of her mother. She hoped she would be proud. She had always had a soft spot for Spike, so she hoped that wherever she was she wasn't cringing.

Athena began to speak.

"Friends and family…We have come here to celebrate love. Love that triumphs over all odds. Love that the world may not understand, but we understand. Love is never logical, it never evolves the way we would expect. Many spend their lives searching for it, and miss it when it's standing right in front of them. That is why we are celebrating here tonight. These two had the wisdom to open their eyes and their hearts and recognize that love." 

Everyone stood there moved by her words. Each and every one of them had had their doubts about this couple. Including the couple themselves. No one expected this or even approved of it at first, but it kept happening. No one could stop it.

"Tonight, we forsake all doubt and come together to acknowledge that love as a whole. Tonight this couple shall pledge eternity to each other. Neither in death nor in life shall they be parted." 

Buffy looked at Spike lovingly. She was so nervous and so happy at the same time. Athena's words were powerful and they invoked incredible emotion in her heart. This was not what she had expected of her life by any means. But she was content and overjoyed at the same time. She felt a tear start to fall.

"We now ask for all of your blessings for this union. Who surrenders this woman to be joined to with this man?" Athena asked them all.

Giles stepped forward beaming proudly. He had never imagined such a day would come when he would be giving Buffy away at her wedding. Especially not to Spike. The image had been implanted long ago, due to the silly spell Willow had performed ages ago, but never did he dream it to be reality.

"I do." He said looking at Buffy. "Buffy, I adore you as if you were my own child. But you are not a child anymore. You are a woman. A strong, courageous woman. You have endured so much in your life. I am overjoyed that you have found happiness. So, I give my blessing. You were courageous enough to follow your heart regardless of consequences. You were the wise one. You always have been and I love you." Giles said with tears in his eyes.

He was never much for displays of emotion, but in this case he truly wanted her to know how deeply he felt for her. He wasn't entirely sure he had ever made it clear enough what she meant to him. He wanted to make that clear now.

Buffy reached up and hugged him tightly.

"I love you too, Giles." She whispered.

He wiped his eyes and stood back, allowing Buffy and Spike to resume the center of attention.

"I'd like everyone to join hands and form a circle around the couple. This symbolizes unity. It symbolizes acceptance. It symbolizes eternity." Athena told them as they all joined hands. 

Buffy and Spike took each others hands and looked deep into each others eyes. They could feel the air change around them. It was as if they could feel an energy between them. Magic in the air, literally. It was powerful.

"Buffy and Spike, you have been chosen for one another. You have come together despite circumstance. You have come here tonight to seal that which fate had already set in motion. Bound not by duty, but of love." She turned to Spike and addressed him. "Do you promise to love this woman without limits? Do you promise to remain by her side to comfort and keep her? Will you pledge your life to her? And will you remain a part of her even in death?" She asked him.

"I will." He said softly looking into her eyes that were wet with tears. He reached out and wiped them away. She smiled.

Athena repeated the words to Buffy and she accepted them.

"You have made your promises and the universe has heard your words." Athena said joyously. "I need the rings."

Xander and Dawn came forward and handed them over. They walked back and rejoined the circle. Athena held the rings in the air before them.

"A ring is a symbol of eternity, such as the circle of life. With the exchange of these rings you are united with the universe." 

She handed the rings to them and they each slipped them on each others fingers. Buffy's ring was beautiful just as he promised it would be. It was a silver ring with a large moonstone set in the center. On either side was an amethyst. Willow had helped him pick it out.

She had assured him that the stones represented love and devotion. He wanted something special and not like anything anyone else would have. He hoped she liked it.

Spike's ring was a simple silver band with a small black onyx in the center. She knew he wouldn't want anything fancy and the onyx had seemed to suit his tastes. She smiled as she saw him admiring it.

"I now call upon the spirits to give their blessing to this sacred union." Athena called out to the heavens.

A jolt of energy coursed through the circle. Buffy and Spike felt the air shifting around them. Suddenly a small gust of wind blew through and extinguished the torches. Everyone turned to look puzzled by what had just happened. As they watched, the torches started to flicker again until they were burning brightly once more.

Athena looked puzzled. That didn't usually happen, she thought to herself. The energy in the air was palpable. These two must be more important than she realized. She looked back at the couple and smiled. She composed her thoughts and resumed her ceremony.

"The flame is eternal as is your love. It has been willed so. I now have the pleasure to announce that you are at one with each other and the universe for eternity. You may now seal your love with a kiss." Athena said beaming at them.

Buffy and Spike fell into each other's arms and kissed passionately. Everyone stared at them happily butthey started to get a little embarrassed as they kept going. Xander cleared his throat loudly. And they finally tore themselves apart. They turned and smiled at everyone.

"Now it's time for the celebration." Athena announced.

They had all decided to move the makeshift reception to the Bronze. It was after all their favorite hangout. Everyone hugged and congratulated the couple and gathered their things. They left everything as it was, Athena had assured them it was symbolic and the torches should be allowed to burn out naturally.

They all headed out, but this time Buffy and Spike left together with Giles in his car. They were sitting in the back and Giles was trying to ignore them as they started kissing each other. It was eerily reminiscent of Willow's wayward spell as well. 

He silently wondered if there had been some sort of prophetic nature to it. Hopefully not, seeing as how he wasn't fancying being blind any time soon. Although right about now, he may have welcomed it. Spontaneous deafness was also not looking too bad at this point.

"Oh for heaven's sake, you two." Giles scolded them. "Can't you wait until the honeymoon?" 

They both pulled away from each other and looked at him sheepishly.

"Sorry mate." Spike said with a grin. "Or is it Dad now?" He teased him.

Buffy giggled and Giles turned his head to them briefly, long enough to roll his eyes.

"I should hope not. Buffy doesn't even call me that. I'm not her father." Giles said with a smile.

"Maybe I should start calling you that. You know you are more of a father to me than Hank ever was." She said seriously.

Giles was visibly moved by her sentiments.

"Buffy…" He said holding back his emotions.

"Dad." She said with a smile.

They all sat there in uncomfortable silence. Finally Buffy spoke up.

"I think I'll stick with Giles." She said quickly.

"Yes, I think that's a wise choice." Giles agreed with her immediately.

The fact that she had thought of it all was touching to him but it was too awkward. They both agreed on that. He wasn't her father, he was more than that. He was a friend.

_________________________________________________________________

They all arrived at the club and headed in. The place wasn't too crowded which was nice. Everyone was dancing and having a great time. Buffy and Spike were dancing slowly holding each other despite the fast pace of the music. They were lost in their own dance.

He had never been this happy in his life. Not when he was human, and certainly not after. He felt like he had been given a second chance at life just as she had been given. It was their second chance to live together. He refused to wonder how long they had. It was too painful to think of that now. Too painful for him to ever fathom living without her. Right now, all he focused on was the now. It was all that mattered anyway.

"You are so beautiful tonight. I think marriage agrees with you." He whispered into her ear.

"I think it does too. It's weird though. I mean, I can't actually believe we got married. Or committed or whatever Willow called it." Buffy said thoughtfully.

"Whatever it was it was powerful. Did you feel it?" He asked her remembering the feel of magic in the air.

"I felt it. It felt good, like someone out there was smiling on us." She said remembering.

"But who would be smiling on us, Luv? Certainly not the big guy himself. Pretty sure I'm not on his good side." He said with a smirk.

"No, not Him. Someone else. I think I know who it was." She said softly, pulling him even closer.

He didn't bother to ask her what she meant as her soft lips were now pressing against his effectively shutting all other thoughts out of his mind.

Lynok and Assam had watched the ceremony with great pleasure and satisfaction. They knew without a doubt that their Golden Child would be brought up loved and well cared for.

"It was lovely wasn't it?" Lynok asked his spirit brother.

"It was. Do you think the bit with the torches was a little much?" Assam asked him pointedly.

"No. I wanted to send her a sign. I wanted her to know that she had made the right decision. I wanted her to feel it." Lynok said with satisfaction. "And she felt it. He did too."

"Do you think they realized what was happening?" Assam asked his brother.

"No. It was not for them to know. Someday they will learn of the gift we gave them. But it will not be for a long while."

"And you believe they have earned it? That he has earned it?" Assam asked, always the skeptic.

"He has earned it. He was chosen and he proved himself to be worthy of the gifts bestowed upon him. Tonight, their souls were joined for eternity. He has earned his place in the afterlife. For when it is time for their duty to end, they will be rewarded with the gift of eternity together in the Kingdom." Lynok said happily.

It was a gift he knew they would cherish, even if they didn't learn of it for many years. The vampire had earned his place not in Hell, but would be rewarded with eternal peace with the woman he loved.


	6. And Then There Were Three

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. Joss likely wouldn't approve of the way I'm twisting his characters, so don't tell him.  
  
  
Author's note: This is the final installment in the Bound By Destiny series. It kind of wraps up loose ends. I could probably continue on forever with this, but I think this is a good place to stop. :) Enjoy!  
  
  
  
  
And Then There Were Three  
  
  
The vampire watched the two women walking slowly through the parking lot of the supermarket. Some of the streetlamps were miraculously burned out giving him plenty of shadows to lurk in.  
  
  
This should be an easy kill. He said to himself. The one girl was small, she looked weak. Her red hair blowing softly in the wind. She was pretty. Maybe he'd have a little fun with her first, he thought wickedly.  
  
  
And the other one, she was as good as helpless. She was tiny and pregnant. He'd kill her first, then have his fun with the redhead. Eating pregnant women was always a treat. More like two for the price of one, he laughed to himself. Plus the added benefit of increased blood supply made it all the more enticing. Perhaps he'd be too full for the redhead? He'd keep her around awhile and save her for later.  
  
  
The women walked to their car and he figured now was a great time to make a move. He slipped out of the shadows and appeared behind the pregnant one. The redhead saw his face and shouted out to the blonde one.  
  
  
"Buffy! Behind you!" She shouted.  
  
  
Buffy whirled around hit the vampire across the face with her bag of groceries. Canned food littered the ground. The vampire was slightly stunned and more than a little pissed off. He lunged for her again and was startled to find her tiny foot smashing into his face before he knew what hit him.  
  
  
The redhead had dropped her bag and was fumbling in her large purse for something. The vampire chuckled, thinking she was carrying mace or pepper spray. As if that would stop him. He reached up and grabbed the blonde, who promptly kneed him in the groin. As he recoiled she dealt a series of hard blows to his face with her powerful fists.  
  
  
He was stunned at her power and suddenly felt a little foolish. Some pregnant bitch was giving him a run for his money. He managed to grab her arm mid swing and dealt a punch of his own across her face. She fell backwards to the ground. As she scrambled to get up, the redhead called out to her once more.  
  
  
"Buffy! Here!" She said tossing a wooden stake to her.  
  
  
The vampire looked on puzzled. That was what she digging out of her bag? He was in trouble. Not only was this girl strong but she was prepared. Buffy grabbed the stake as Willow tossed it to her. She jumped up and kicked the vampire to the ground. He struggled to get up but Buffy plunged her stake into his chest swiftly, thus ending his hunt for the evening.  
  
  
Buffy stood up and straightened herself and brushed the remainder of the vampire of her clothes.  
  
  
"When are they ever going to learn? Pregnant women have short tempers." Buffy said shaking her head.  
  
  
"Are you okay, Buffy? I mean that was kind of intense. You're not supposed to be slaying and stuff now." Willow said with concern.  
  
  
"I'm fine. Besides, what was I supposed to do? He attacked us." She shrugged.  
  
  
She was nearly seven months pregnant and had a small but well defined bulge in her stomach. She still felt more than capable to fight, but her doctors had told her she needed to take some time off of work. Not that they had any idea what she did for a living.  
  
  
She had told them she was a self defense instructor. She had wanted to know if it was possible to continue on with her 'demonstrations' as she had put it. They had told her that after the fifth month it was not advisable. But sometimes a girl just couldn't help slipping in a lesson or two.  
  
  
After they collected their fallen grocery items they got into the car and headed towards Buffy's house. They pulled up in front and got out. When they walked in Spike and Dawn were waiting for them.  
  
  
"Where were you? You were gone for like ever." Dawn said taking the mangled bags out their hands. "What happened to the groceries. This stuff is all dented." Dawn asked inspecting the contents.  
  
  
"We, uh, had a little run in." Willow said softly.  
  
  
"A run in? With what? An irate bag boy?" Spike asked looking at them.  
  
  
"More like a fangy bag boy. Only, I don't think he worked there." Buffy said thoughtfully.  
  
  
"You were attacked?" Spike asked concerned.  
  
  
"No big. We're fine." Buffy said shrugging.  
  
  
"Yeah, Buffy took care of him." Willow said with a small smile.  
  
  
"You know you aren't supposed to be slaying things right now." Spike said shaking his head.   
  
  
It had been a real pain trying to keep her in at night. She was restless and bored. He knew that, but she still had to follow the doctors orders. He and the others had taken over her patrols, but she didn't like it. She knew it was for the best, but she felt idle and useless. She and Dawn had rented every movie ever made, to try and occupy her time.  
  
  
"Relax Spike. I'm fine. I didn't even break a sweat. It's not like I went looking for trouble. It just found me. Like it always does." She told him.  
  
  
"So he went down right quick then? Not too much of a struggle?" He asked, hoping that she hadn't been harmed and that the baby hadn't been tossed about too much.  
  
  
"Nope. He was an amateur." She said with a smile.  
  
  
He went over to her and kissed her forehead.  
  
  
"That's my girl. You'll teach them not to mess with a poor defenseless pregnant lady." He smirked.  
  
  
Later that night Buffy and Spike were laying in bed. She was on her back and Spike was next to her with his head on her shoulder. His hand rested on her swollen stomach.  
  
  
"You know, I was worried about you tonight. You could have gotten hurt." He whispered to her.  
  
  
"I know. But It's still my job, you know?" She said to him thoughtfully.  
  
  
She knew he worried about her constantly. Part of her was extremely touched and the other stubborn part of her hated feeling weak and coddled. She tried to push those thoughts out of her mind and enjoy the sentiment behind the coddling.  
  
  
"It's gonna be her job too." He said rubbing her stomach.  
  
  
"I know. I don't know if I like that idea. It's bad enough to worry about your kids normally, but knowing that they are destined to fight the forces of darkness every night kind of makes it a little harder." She said softly. "Now I know how my mother felt."  
  
  
"Yeah. It must have been really rough for her. But she saw how tough you were. She knew you could take care of yourself." He said with a smile.  
  
  
"And our little girl is gonna be majorly tough. I mean, look at her parents." She laughed. "She is so gonna get into trouble."  
  
  
He laughed with her.  
  
  
"Yeah. She's bound to be a little feisty."  
  
  
"This is one girl who will never get picked on. If anyone makes that mistake, she'll probably kick their ass." Buffy said with a smile.  
  
  
"I can see it already." He said with a laugh.  
  
  
"God, we are gonna be in so much trouble. I mean, I was kicked out of school a couple of times, and just barely graduated. I can envision many trips to the principals office for her and for us." She said cringing inwardly.  
  
  
He kissed her gently and suddenly felt the baby move under his hand.  
  
  
"Hey. She moved." He said with wonder.  
  
  
"Yeah, she does it a lot. Sometimes she kicks pretty hard."   
  
  
Just then, as if to prove her point, the baby kicked up underneath his hand and Spike started laughing.  
  
  
"I think she knows we're talking about her. She's already practicing her moves." He said with a smile.  
  
  
The reality of the baby was still hard for him to believe. Each day everything became more real and it was terrifying and exhilarating. He was enjoying every minute of it.  
  
  
"What do you think she'll look like? I bet she'll look just like you." He said softly.  
  
  
Buffy smiled and remembered the vision that she had seen when she had visited the Guardians of Balance. She had still not mentioned anything to anyone, not even Spike.  
  
  
"She's going to look like you. She has your eyes and your smile." She said softly remembering.  
  
  
He looked at her quizzically.  
  
  
"How do you know?" He asked curiously.  
  
  
"I saw her. She was beautiful." She whispered.  
  
  
"Saw her? What do you mean?"  
  
  
"Remember when I was in that coma?" He nodded his head. "Well, I went somewhere. I'm not sure where, but it wasn't this dimension. These people, or whatever they were, they let me see her. What she would look like." She said quietly.  
  
  
"What? Were you dreaming?" He asked, not sure what she was talking about.  
  
  
"No, it wasn't a dream. It was real. I just didn't say anything before. It was kind of personal." She said wondering if she should tell him what she had seen.  
  
  
"Was it like Heaven or something?" He asked. He knew she had not died that night, but maybe it was close enough for a trip upstairs once more.  
  
  
"No. It was something else. The night I was attacked, I was not in a good place. So much had been thrown at me in one day, I was just so lost. I found out about my heritage. That I was part of the very thing I'm destined to hunt. I found out I was supposed to have some sort of promised child, you hated me and called me names. Everything was crumbling around me. Not to mention the doubts I had even before. It was all too much for me." She told him softly.  
  
  
Speaking about this was difficult, but he was there listening to her. She watched his eyes as he expectantly waited for her to finish.  
  
  
"I had given up again. Just like that last time. Only this time there wasn't some greater good to die for. I had no excuse. I was just tired. Maybe part of me longed to feel that peace again. I don't remember what it was like to die, but I know it was peaceful. I think, that night, I was just ready again. Ready to stop fighting and stop the hurt. When the demon came at me, I tried to fight him. But in the end, I just sort of gave in. Subconsciously anyway." She said with tears in her eyes.  
  
  
"Why would you want to give up? Because of me? Because I hurt you?" He asked, feeling horrible.  
  
  
"No. Not because of that. Though it didn't help. I was tiring before that. Maybe I never stopped being tired from the last time. I mean, I thought I had found peace, but I had it stripped away. I was sent back against my will. Sure, I supposedly had some big purpose, but I never felt it. I never asked for it. And for a long time, I just didn't want it." She said seriously.  
  
  
She had a new understanding of what her purpose was now. It made her feel warm inside. She knew now how important her life and her work was. She had made peace with her destiny finally. It had taken her awhile, but she was finally at the part where she was embracing it, rather than denying it.  
  
  
"So what happened in this place you went to? Why did they bring you there?" He asked her curiously.  
  
  
"Well, I think they pulled me in because they knew I was weak. That I was giving up. I wasn't going to have the baby. Their Promised One. I think I screwed up their plans and they wanted to talk some sense into me. They wanted me to know how important my life was. How important the baby was. They made me see what I would leave behind if I didn't go back and fight and if I didn't have the baby. I could have died again, it was my choice. This time they gave me a choice." She said softly.  
  
  
He looked into her eyes and saw the sadness there. She had given up eternal peace to return once again to a world that had been so cruel to her. He kissed her gently.  
  
  
"Why did you come back? If you were so desperate for the peace, why didn't you take it?" He asked, not because he thought she made the wrong choice, but because he didn't understand. He was glad she came back to him, because he would have surely died to lose her again.  
  
  
"I had to. I saw the future. I saw what would happen to everyone if I didn't come back. It was awful. I couldn't be that selfish."  
  
  
"What happened?" He asked, wondering if she would tell him.  
  
  
She looked at him and wondered if she should tell him everything that she had seen. It had been so powerful for her to see, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to talk about it. But part of her knew that he needed to hear it too. He was a part of her destiny and future as well. She finally spoke.  
  
  
"They showed me the future. I saw the darkness that would overtake the earth if I wasn't there to stop it. Dawn had a little boy and he was alone because she was killed. All of my friends were dead. But the worst of it all was seeing what happened immediately after I died. The heartbreak of seeing everyone mourning for me again. It was awful. But I knew I could stop it from happening." She said with tears at the memory.  
  
  
"It would have been devastating." He said quietly, not entirely comfortable thinking about it.  
  
  
"They showed me what you would have done. I saw it. Would you have done it?" She asked him cryptically, wondering if he knew what she meant. She needed to know if what the Guardians had showed her was real.  
  
  
He looked at her curiously and then lowered his head.  
  
  
"What did I do?" He whispered, silently knowing what she probably had seen.  
  
  
She looked at him sadly, but said nothing. He understood without words that she knew what his state of mind would have been. He nodded at her.  
  
  
"I would have gone with you. I mean, not that I would have been going anywhere remotely near where you would have been. But Hell can't be half as bad as living on Earth without you again." He said seriously. He was a little embarrassed by this admission because it made him feel weak, but it was the truth and he sensed she already knew it.  
  
  
She looked at him sadly. She didn't know what to say. He was serious and she knew it, because she had seen him do it. The thought that she could have driven him to something that drastic still surprised her.  
  
  
"Look, lets not talk about this right now. It didn't happen. You made your choice and it was the right one. I mean for the greater good and all, right? You didn't just come back for me." He said to her uncomfortably.  
  
  
She thought for a moment and looked at him again.  
  
  
"No, it wasn't just for you, but for everyone. I couldn't let the people I love suffer and die because I was selfish. But what's sort of scary to me is that I didn't do it for the greater good. Not really. I mean they showed me the suffering of the world and I was numbed to it. It didn't convince me to go back. What convinced me is seeing how it affected you and Dawn and everyone else. It scared me because for that moment, I didn't really care about the world going to hell. All I cared about was my little corner of that world." She said softly, not comfortable with admitting this dark truth.   
  
  
It frightened her a little to know that she had become so numbed to pain and violence around her that it barely affected her anymore. She could see how someone like Faith could lose their way. After all, darkness was in their blood. If you didn't have a corner of the world to call your own, then it would be easy to stop caring. And then why bother fighting when there isn't anyone or anything you care about?  
  
  
He touched her face lightly. He could see this bothered her, but he knew exactly what she meant.   
  
  
"Buffy, is it really so wrong to care about your little corner of that world? I mean, you're still fighting the fight. Does it really matter why you're fighting it? Look at me. I'm right here with you, helping you fight. And you know why I'm fighting? Because of you. And the baby, and for Dawn. Our family. It isn't the world I care about, but without a world to live in, then nobody wins. I don't think it's a bad thing to fight for the people you love. The job still gets done, right?" He tried to explain to her. He wanted her to see that they were not so unalike.   
  
  
"I guess. But you're different. You're not supposed to care. I am."  
  
  
"And you do care. You care enough to risk your life just about every time you leave the house. That's enough. You don't need to have a love in with the whole world to serve your purpose." He said to her seriously.  
  
  
"I know, but I guess I've always felt like I had to be this great, selfless person..." She started to say.  
  
  
"You are. You are the most selfless person I know. You gave up peace to return here again just so people wouldn't mourn you and you came back to protect this world. And what you did for Dawn? That was amazing." He said to her seriously. He was always in awe of her and the fact that she just didn't see it.  
  
  
"But she's my sister..."   
  
  
"I know. Doesn't make it any less heroic. Besides, what makes you so different from any other Slayer are your ties to this world. We've talked about it before. It's still true. Don't you think that if you didn't have selfish reasons, like people you loved to protect, that you would have given up a long time ago?" He asked her.  
  
  
"You're right, I guess." She said softly. He always knew what to say to her. A lot of times she didn't like what he said, but it was always the truth. This time, she felt better for his words.  
  
  
"Of course I'm right. I always am." He said with a small smirk.   
  
  
"Oh yeah, you're always right." She said sarcastically, teasing him. "I shouldn't be stressing out about this right now anyway. I'm on maternity leave." She smiled trying to break out of the serious mood they tumbled into.   
  
  
"That's right. And that little one right there is worth saving the world for." He sat patting her stomach.  
  
  
Buffy snuggled in close to him and he held her tightly.  
  
_________________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
Buffy stood in front of her mirror looking at herself with a frown. She was wearing baggy overalls and a tank top. She turned and looked at herself sideways and groaned.  
  
  
"Ugh! I'm so fat." She muttered to herself.  
  
  
She was finally starting to look pregnant and thought she was still smaller than a lot of women at her stage of pregnancy, she felt huge. She had no clothes left to squeeze into except the overalls. She had bought a few maternity things, but most were so ugly, she wouldn't be caught dead in them.   
  
  
Dawn walked past her room and saw her standing there. She walked in and plopped down on the bed.  
  
  
"So, how're you feeling?" She asked curiously.  
  
  
"Cranky and fat." Buffy said with a pout.   
  
  
"You look fine, Buffy. You're not fat, you're pregnant." She tried to tell her.  
  
  
"I know, but I look like I swallowed a soccer ball." Buffy said grumpily.  
  
  
Dawn couldn't help but laugh.  
  
  
"No you don't. Maybe a basketball?" Dawn said jokingly.  
  
  
Buffy picked up a sweater off her dresser and threw it at Dawn.  
  
  
"Shut up." She teased her. "I'm going to go eat breakfast, so I can get fatter." She said heading out and down the stairs.  
  
  
They both walked into the kitchen and Spike was sitting there reading the paper. He smiled when he saw her. He stood up to kiss her.   
  
  
"You look..." He started to say.  
  
  
"Enormous?" She finished for him.  
  
  
"No...You look beautiful." He said sincerely.   
  
  
He knew how touchy she had been lately about her appearance, but he didn't care. She was still the same gorgeous creature he became enamored of with just one glance. Now that she was carrying his child, she was even more beautiful.  
  
  
"Are you sure?" She said with a sly smile.  
  
  
"Positive." He whispered to her as he kissed her passionately. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and they lost themselves for a moment, until Dawn cleared her throat loudly.  
  
  
"Um, gross." She said rolling her eyes.  
  
  
"What's so gross about that?" Spike asked her with a smile.  
  
  
Dawn just rolled her eyes and walked out of the kitchen leaving them alone. She was excited that she was going to be an aunt. It almost felt like she was going to be the big sister. She knew that their family was a strange one, but she felt comfortable there.   
  
  
It was so different than when her mom was around. It was amazing how much life could change in such a short time. But she was happy. They all were. Even if their lives were far from the usual, at times like this they seemed like any other family.  
  
  
  
Later that night, Buffy was folding laundry in front of the TV. Spike walked in and sat down next to her and put his arm around her. He had been helping Dawn with her homework in the kitchen.   
  
  
"All finished with the history lesson?" She asked with a smile.  
  
  
"Yeah, you know those books they give the kids nowadays are really ridiculous. I mean, half of it isn't even accurate." He said shaking his head.  
  
  
"Really?" She asked amused.  
  
  
"Well, yeah. I lived through a lot of that, and stuff didn't happen the way they said."   
  
  
"Maybe you should tell the teacher that. 'Hey, I was alive 100 years ago and this is false'. They'd get a kick out of that." She said with a smile.  
  
  
He just rolled his eyes at her.  
  
  
"You want to go out tonight? A movie or something? This laundry stuff looks boring." He asked her.  
  
  
"No. I mean, the laundry is boring, but I'm too tired to go anywhere." She told him.  
  
  
"Alright. Well, I think I'm going to go out for a bit, okay?" He told her.  
  
  
"You're leaving me?" She pouted.  
  
  
"Not forever. I just need to unwind a bit... I need to smoke." He told her sheepishly.  
  
  
She had tried to get him to stop, but he was too stubborn. He had been smoking for a century, so it wasn't easy to just up and quit. And it wasn't like he was concerned about lung cancer or anything. But she had told him that the smoke was bad for the baby, which he conceded, but he still couldn't give it up entirely.  
  
  
She rolled her eyes at him.  
  
  
"You're never gonna stop that, are you?" She asked exasperated.  
  
  
"Not likely, Luv." He said with a smirk.  
  
  
She folded her arms and pretended to be angry, but he kissed her instead.  
  
  
"Stop, just go." She said with a smile.  
  
  
He grabbed his coat and headed out the door. He jumped into his car and looked in the glove box for his cigarettes. All he found was an empty pack.   
  
  
"Damn." He muttered under his breath. He shrugged and started the car. He'd just have to get some more.  
  
  
He started down the street. He was waiting at a stoplight singing along to the radio when all of a sudden he was struck with a searing pain in his head. He grabbed his head and cursed.  
  
  
"Bloody hell!" The stupid chip was going off and he wasn't even doing anything.  
  
  
The pain finally subsided and he took a minute to orient himself again. It was even more painful than usual and he was utterly confused as to why it went off in the first place.  
  
  
"I wasn't doing anything." He said aloud to whoever was listening. "Don't tell me this sodding chip is gonna start zapping me whenever it bloody well feels like. I know my singing isn't that good, but it isn't gonna kill anyone." He said sarcastically.  
  
  
The light had already changed and luckily no one was behind him. He started off slowly, and headed towards the convenience store.  
  
  
His mind was racing. He had always hated that stupid chip. But lately, he hadn't really given it too much thought. He had plenty of other things to worry about and to think about. He hadn't even set the stupid thing off in months. He had almost forgotten about it, but tonight was a painful reminder. He silently hoped it wasn't going to short circuit and turn his brain to a mush, or something.  
  
  
He pulled into the lot of the 7 eleven. He got out and walked inside. He looked over at the candy section, suddenly in the mood for a snack. He didn't notice the three men come in behind him. The men walked over to the drink counter and pretended to be deciding on what flavor Slurpee to buy.  
  
  
Spike walked up to the counter and asked for his smokes and put his candy bar on the counter. He paid and started to walk out. Just then, the three men pulled out guns and waved them in the air.  
  
  
"Don't move." One of them shouted.  
  
  
Spike turned to look at them and rolled his eyes. This was not his night. What the hell was he going to do now? He saw the faces of the other customers and the clerk. They were terrified. He sighed. He knew he could easily make a run for it and be done with it. It's not like if they shot him, he'd die. It would definitely suck, but it wouldn't kill him.  
  
  
He almost headed for the door and then stopped himself. I can't just leave these people here to die. He said to himself. What are you talking about, you bloody idiot? Just go. Who cares? He tried to reason with himself. Buffy would care. If she knew you did nothing, she'd be pissed off. He scolded himself. But then again, what could I do? These thugs were human and armed. I could vamp out and maybe scare them, but then the customers would flip out...He continued to argue with himself.  
  
  
One of the thugs grabbed a woman and held the gun to her head. She screamed.  
  
  
"Empty the register." He commanded.  
  
  
Another thug went up to collect the cash, while the third one walked around to the customers and demanded their wallets and purses. Spike watched and took a deep unneeded breath. He'd have to do something. Besides, there was no way they were getting his money. He had hustled pool for four straight hours the other night for that cash and he wasn't just gonna hand it over.  
  
  
The man collecting the wallets approached Spike.  
  
  
"Your wallet, Blondie." He said with an evil grin.  
  
  
Spike looked at him and shook his head.  
  
  
"I don't think so mate." He said, with an evil grin of his own. He silently prayed his head wouldn't explode and pop off his shoulders, but he took a swing at the man and managed to send him hurtling through the store and crashing into a pile of soda cans head first.  
  
  
The other thugs weren't expecting that and started to panic. The customers started panicking as well. Spike rushed up to the one at the register and grabbed his gun just as he was aiming it at him. He pushed it back forcefully knocking the guy out cold with his own gun.  
  
  
The last guy was still holding the woman and he was yelling loudly.  
  
  
"Stop, or I'll shoot her! And you!" He said frantically. His perfect robbery was going badly.  
  
  
"Go ahead and shoot me." Spike said opening his arms in invitation.  
  
  
The man aimed his weapon at Spike and he lunged forward, yanking the woman out of the thugs grasp. He yelled to her and the others.  
  
  
"Run!"   
  
  
They all scrambled to their feet and headed for the door. The thug pulled the trigger and hit Spike in the shoulder. He cried out, but didn't slow down. He grabbed the gun and wrestled it out of the mans hand. He punched him in the face as hard as he could. The man went crashing into the glass doors of the refrigerator case. The glass shattered everywhere. He tried to scramble to his feet, but Spike kicked him in the face and knocked him out cold.  
  
  
Spike stood there gaping at the man lying unconscious in front of him. He clutched his wounded arm and was breathing heavily out of sheer exhilaration. He hadn't felt anything. Nothing at all. No pain, except for this lovely gunshot wound. His brain wasn't hurting. He leaned down to the unconscious man in front of him. He touched him and smelled the air around him.  
  
  
He's definitely human, Spike thought. He looked at the man again and punched him one more time just for good measure. Still no pain.  
  
  
"I'm free!" He shouted.  
  
  
Then he heard the sirens of the police that must have been triggered by a silent alarm. He went outside and ran into the clerk and some of the other customers who had run for safety. The clerk grabbed him.  
  
  
"Thank you!" He said gratefully. "Are you okay, mister?" He asked, noticing the blood coming from his shoulder.  
  
  
"I'm fine. It's just a scratch." He shrugged, trying to push past the guy.  
  
  
"The police will want to talk to you." He told him.  
  
  
"Sorry mate, I don't do police." He said with a smirk as he walked past and hopped into his car and sped away just before the police pulled up.  
  
  
"Who was that guy?" One of the customers asked the clerk.  
  
  
"I don't know. He was like Batman or something. He didn't even want credit for saving us." The clerk said in awe.   
  
  
The clerk was a simple man who read too many comic books. He never would have risked his life for the store. He would've just given the guys the money and prayed he wouldn't be killed. At least there are still some hero's in this world, he thought.  
  
  
Spike sped down the road and lit his cigarette.   
  
  
"This is incredible! That pain earlier, it must have been the chip deactivating or something." He said to himself. He had waited for this moment for years, and now that it was here, he was beside himself with joy.  
  
  
"I'm a free man." He laughed to himself, and then realization took hold of him. "Oh god, I'm free...What the hell am I gonna do?"  
  
  
******************************************************************************************  
  
  
Lynok sat back and watched as the vampire sped down the road carelessly. He knew what had happened, because he had made it happen. It was time for the vampire to be tested once more.  
  
  
Long ago, they had orchestrated his capture by the Initiative. Lynok had long suspected him of being the vampire they were searching for. He had seen his thoughts and read his feelings for the Slayer from the moment they met for the first time. He knew he felt something for her.  
  
  
This had triggered Lynok's senses. He felt that this may very well be the Chosen One. But his progress was too slow. He had emotions and feelings that he was not able to identify. His nature was still very much in control of his actions. He needed a push, Lynok had thought. This government group had provided a perfect solution.  
  
  
But now the time had come to see if the changes were permanent. Lynok felt confident that enough time had passed that the choice would not be difficult, yet he knew that the vampire needed a choice. He needed to prove that the transformation had been complete. If he failed, his reward of eternal peace would be revoked and his duty would be over.  
  
  
He had already done his part in creating the Balance. He was not essential anymore to the prophecies, yet his presence was expected. His role as a warrior had been determined but was not as essential as the Slayer and her child. But the Rule of Three was still in effect.  
  
  
Everything in the universe was governed by the Law of Three. The Slayer and her child were strong and capable enough to fight the darkness. But without the third part of the equation, the war would be much more difficult to fight and win. It was now up to the vampire to make the choice if he will continue the fight or not.  
  
  
Lynok watched as the vampire pulled carelessly into a parking spot at a local bar. He wrung his hands nervously as he anticipated what would happen next.   
  
********************************************************************************************  
  
Spike sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. He was still hurting from the gunshot wound, but he couldn't think about that now. All he could think about was this newfound revelation.  
  
  
Spike took a hard swallow of the liquor and sighed. He ran his hands through his hair desperately. Why did this have to happen now? He asked himself. Just when I thought I'd finally found my place in this world and now this?   
  
  
He didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He had finally settled into his role as a husband and a soon to be father. It was all so ridiculous for a vampire, but he had almost begun to feel human over the last few months.  
  
  
He knew he wasn't, but the only trace of his former self was the fact that he still drank blood and had no pulse. The rest of him was clearly passing for human these days. He didn't even know any vampires anymore, except the ones he killed every night. Now he knew he was free to go back to they way he was before.  
  
  
He could feed on fresh, human blood. He could hunt, he could fight, he could kill...But did he really want to? That was the question that plagued him. He could skip town tonight and start over. Never even looking back. He could be the Big Bad again.   
  
  
People could fear him and cower before him in terror. And the taste of the blood...It was enticing. Nothing compared to way fresh blood tasted. Definitely not that crappy pig's blood he lived on now.   
  
  
But then would he be happy? Would he be more satisfied with his life? No. There was nothing more satisfying than going home, to a real house, with a real family inside. A family that loved him, a beautiful wife that was carrying his child. His living flesh and blood. How could he leave that behind for the cheap thrill of a power trip and the taste of a little blood? Why would he want to?  
  
  
He ordered another drink and nursed it slowly. He had made his mind up. There was no going back for him. He couldn't be what he was before. He couldn't leave Buffy and Dawn and his baby. They were his life now. The life he led before they came to him was over and done with. It just wasn't who he was anymore.  
  
  
He'd just pretend that he didn't know about the chip not working. He'd just pretend that tonight never happened and keep going on his merry way. Living his life the same as he had been for the last year. No one would ever have to know. If they knew, he might not be allowed to live that life. Buffy might just stake him herself. If not, he was sure that one of her friends would likely step up for the job.  
  
  
He liked to think that they were all past that now, but he feared deep down that it wasn't the case. He had heard so many threats over the years that if he ever got the chip out, he was as good as dust. Sure, it was a long time ago, but how could he risk that? No one could ever know.  
  
  
He took another drink and rubbed his eyes. The alcohol was numbing the pain in shoulder a bit, but the inner turmoil was still raging. Damn it! He cursed himself. If I don't tell Buffy and she finds out anyway some how, she'll be furious that I lied. She'll never trust me again. I have to tell her. But how?  
  
  
He finished his drink and walked out of the bar. He realized as he got into his car that he hadn't even so much as looked at another patron, much less eyed someone as a potential snack. It never even occurred to him. He could have easily picked out some yokel and had a little taste, just to see what it was like again, but he didn't.  
  
  
"Well Spike, you've definitely changed. Now we just gotta convince Buffy that you aren't planning on eating the baby once it's born..." He muttered to himself as he drove home.  
  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
Buffy had been sitting up waiting for Spike to come home. It was now after midnight and she was beginning to think he wasn't coming back. Maybe he ran into some trouble while he was out? She knew that she always did and he was usually no exception. She hoped he had taken a stake with him at least.  
  
  
She finally heard his car pull up outside and she waited on the couch patiently for him to come in so she could get irritated at him for being gone so long. He opened the door quietly and tried to sneak in. She cleared her throat loudly and he turned to her startled.  
  
  
"Buffy, I thought you'd be asleep." He said nervously. How was he ever going to tell her what happened?  
  
  
"Nope." She said giving him a hard look.   
  
  
He walked closer to her and took off his jacket. She instantly saw that his shirt had a hole in it and there was blood covering part of his arm. She jumped up and went over to him.  
  
  
"What happened, Spike?" She asked concerned as she touched his arm gently.  
  
  
"Oh, that? I got shot, Luv." He said calmly. "Do you think you can fix my jacket? It has a hole in it now."  
  
  
She ignored his comment about his jacket and looked at him with widened eyes.  
  
  
"What? You got shot? Are you okay? Where were you?" She asked confused and concerned for him. She knew that he was obviously alright and that a gunshot wouldn't kill him, but he was still hurt.   
  
  
"I told you pet, I went to get some cigarettes." He said, trying to figure a way to tell her what happened.  
  
  
"Where? At the O.K. Corral?" She asked incredulously.  
  
  
"No." He said with a small laugh. "I went to the 7 Eleven. Just my luck some bloody fools chose to rob the place."   
  
  
"And they shot you? What about the other people? Were they hurt?" She asked him curiously.  
  
  
"No. No one got hurt. Just me, and well...the bad guys." He said softly, thinking of a way to ease into this conversation.  
  
  
"Sit down. Let me go get some bandages or something." She said, pulling him to the couch.  
  
  
"Really, I'm fine. It went clear through. It's already healing." He told her with a smile.  
  
  
She looked at him and sighed. Then she touched his face gently.  
  
  
"I'm so glad you're okay." She said kissing him gently.  
  
  
"I'm tough, remember?" He said with a smile.  
  
  
"So tell me, what happened? They were robbing the place? What did you do?" She asked him curiously.  
  
  
Now was his chance to ease into things with her. Tell her the story and hope she doesn't flip out. He sighed and looked at her seriously.  
  
  
"Well, I was getting ready to walk out, and they started waving their guns around. I thought, 'Well this is just bloody great'. I didn't know what to do. Then they started collecting everyone's money, and well, I wasn't about to part with mine, you know? So I took a swing at the guy and he went flying across the store. It was such a rush." He told her, feeling the excitement once again.  
  
  
He watched her face as she listened to him. He could see concern and some questioning in her eyes, but she didn't say anything. He continued.  
  
  
"Well, once I dispatched that one, all hell sorta broke loose. I took care of the guy at the counter, leaving only one holding a gun to some ladies head. He flipped and threatened to shoot her and me, so I told him to go ahead and shoot me. And well, he did. But not before I grabbed the lady and told her and everyone else to get the hell out. I wrestled the gun away and knocked him out." Spike said concluding his tale. He waited for her questions that he knew would come.  
  
  
"You beat them all up? Were they vampires? I mean, are they doing armed robberies these days?" She asked confused and starting to feel a little nervous.  
  
  
"No. They weren't vampires, Luv." He said softly.  
  
  
"Were they human?" She asked quietly, already sensing the answer.  
  
  
"Yes."  
  
  
She looked at him oddly and then it sunk in.  
  
  
"It didn't hurt you? Your head? It wasn't painful?" She whispered.  
  
  
"No. It didn't hurt me." He said bracing himself for her to be angry or afraid or anything.  
  
  
She looked at him and felt tears springing to her eyes. She knew what he was trying to tell her. The chip was gone, or at least not working anymore. The chip was the whole reason he was with her. Without it, they would have killed each other long ago. Now it was gone and he was completely free again.   
  
  
"It doesn't work anymore, does it?" She asked nervously.  
  
  
"No..."  
  
  
"How long have you known?" She asked with a tear falling down her cheek.  
  
  
"Tonight. It must have happened tonight. I was driving and suddenly the damn thing zapped me. Hard too. I was just sitting at a stoplight minding my own business and Bam! It hit me. I was right pissed about it too. I thought maybe it would fry my brain or something. I mean, who knows? Maybe it has some kind of self destruct built in and would blow my head up? I didn't know. But the next thing I knew I was hitting these people and it wasn't hurting. I don't know how or why it happened." He explained to her.  
  
  
She looked at him sadly. He reached out to touch her face and she flinched from him. He sighed and looked at her emotionally.  
  
  
"Buffy, it's okay." He said to her.  
  
  
"No. It isn't okay. I mean, what now? What happens now? This is what you've been waiting for. You're free. You can go back to your life now." She said getting agitated.  
  
  
It was all too much for her right now. What if he killed someone already? What if he went out and fed tonight? Would he have done that? What if he left her now? There were too many questions.  
  
  
"I did come back to my life. This is my life now. I don't want to go back to the other life." He pleaded with her.  
  
  
"Did you kill those gunmen at the store?" She asked him curiously.  
  
  
He looked at her strangely.  
  
  
"Would it matter if I did? They were the bad guys." He said confused by her question.  
  
  
"I know. But did you kill them? I mean, once you realized you could do it, did you..." She asked tears rolling down her face.  
  
  
"Do you mean did I feed on them? No. I didn't kill anyone. Not that it would have been a great loss to society, but I didn't. I didn't hurt anyone else either. I won't. For crying out loud, Buffy, I saved a store full of people from becoming Swiss cheese. Don't I get credit for that?" He asked desperately.  
  
  
She looked at him and nodded her head.  
  
  
"Yes, you do. But Spike...I just don't know what to think. I mean what's gonna happen? Maybe tonight you didn't do anything, but what happens as time goes by and you're tempted? I know it isn't easy to hold back feelings like that." She said sadly.  
  
  
"I'm stronger than that. I don't want to go back to the way it was. Certainly you don't think I'd ever hurt you or Dawn or the baby, do you?" He asked, getting a little emotional himself.  
  
  
"No. I know you wouldn't. But it's not us I'm worried about, it's the rest of the world. I mean, I can't sit back and know that you are out there doing God knows what, while I look the other way. I can't do that." She said standing up and pacing around.  
  
  
"And I'm not asking you to. Buffy, I spent hours tonight, driving around, sitting in a bar, just thinking. I had no idea what to do. I went through everything. I knew I could just get in my car and drive away and start over. I could go back to the way it was. But the more I thought about that, the more I realized that I don't want that anymore. A few years ago, yeah, I would have been outta here. But that was before I had everything to lose." He told her sincerely.  
  
  
"But that's who you are isn't it? You're a vampire. I know it's easy for me to forget sometimes, but you don't forget that. It's what you were made to do. How can you just give that up? Without the chip to remind you, how are you going to keep from slipping back into old habits?" She asked seriously.  
  
  
"You keep me from slipping. Buffy, the chip isn't what changed me, it was you. You know that. The chip forced me to see things differently, that's all. I can't just pretend that nothing in the last three years happened. I may have been a monster for over a hundred years, but I'm a man now. I can't go back. I won't." He pleaded with her.  
  
  
"But I can't always be around you. One day, the temptation might be too much." She said, shaking her head. She wanted to believe him. She needed to believe him, but it was all so hard.  
  
  
"It isn't going to be easy. I mean, I admit, the lust for blood is always there. It won't go away. But I am not helpless against it, Buffy. I may have a demon in me, but it doesn't consume me. Not anymore, because I won't let it." He explained to her desperately.  
  
  
"But how can you stop it? How can you make that choice?" She asked.   
  
  
All sorts of thoughts were running through her head. If he could really make that conscious decision to ignore what came naturally to him, then couldn't all vampires do the same? It didn't make sense to her. She knew he was different, that was a given. But she always assumed that the chip had a big part in it. Without it she was afraid. Not of him, but of what it meant to her and her duty.  
  
  
"Buffy, just because I don't have a human soul doesn't mean I can't make choices. It doesn't mean I can't be good. It's true, that without a soul, the decision to be evil is an easy one. Without a conscious it's easy to just do whatever you damn well please. But that doesn't mean that you have to be evil. It's just a lot harder to be good. Doesn't mean it isn't possible, it's just harder." He tried to explain to her.  
  
  
"So are you saying that any vampire is capable of being like you? Of making that choice? Because if you are, then what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to start chatting with every vampire I meet and ask them if they'd like to change before I stake them?" She asked him desperately.  
  
  
"Buffy, it doesn't work like that. Most of the vampires you come across are not smart enough to even stay alive. They have no other thought than to hunt and feed. For them to change, they'd have to really want it, and they don't. They don't care. You aren't doing anything wrong by ridding the world of them. It's really not so different from being human. Just because a person has a soul, doesn't make them automatically good. Everyone has evil in them. It's always a choice for everyone. Let me make that choice. Let me prove to you that I've really changed." He told her, hoping he was getting his message across coherently.  
  
  
She absorbed his words and knew that what he said was true. Everyone did have evil in them, even her, as much as she hated to admit it.  
  
  
"I just don't know what to say." She said sadly sitting back down next to him.  
  
  
It was all so confusing and the timing couldn't be worse. She was sitting here pregnant with his child. He was a vampire that she thought was harmless, and now she knew he was capable once more of hurting people. Could she trust him around the baby? Around Dawn, and herself?  
  
  
Deep down she knew she could. He was strong willed. She had always secretly told herself that it was the chip that made him do the things he did. But in her heart, she knew that wasn't true. At first, it was. But too much had changed for that to be the case anymore.  
  
  
Tonight he had gone out of his way to save innocent people from being robbed and possibly killed. She hadn't been there to urge him on. And what made it all the more interesting was that he risked the pain of the chip to help them. He hadn't known it wasn't working and he was willing to risk it for those people that he didn't know and didn't care about. That spoke volumes about how much he had changed. She couldn't deny it.  
  
  
She looked at him saw the sadness and desperation on his face. He was watching her as she fought with herself and her feelings about this revelation. He had come so far, and now was his chance to prove how far that really was. She had to give him the chance. She owed him that. She wouldn't turn her back on him, she couldn't. She loved him too much.  
  
  
He saw the conflicting emotions playing out on her face. He began to worry that this was going to be the end. She may not be able to kill him, but he was beginning to think that she would definitely tell him to go. He feared that she would kick him out of her life, rather than just stake him. He knew he'd prefer to just be killed.  
  
  
"Buffy, please. Whatever you do. Don't make me leave. I don't want to leave. You have to trust me. Let me prove myself. I promised you that I would be with you forever. Don't make me break that promise." He said, with a tear rolling down his face.  
  
  
He was so desperate for her to understand and not hate him. He needed to know that she trusted him. That she loved him still. He wanted to know that the chip wasn't the only reason she trusted him.  
  
  
She looked at him and scooted closer. She put her arms around him gently.  
  
  
"I'm not making you leave. I need you. I trust you, Spike. You've already proved to me that you've changed. Just keep it up." She smiled as she kissed him gently.  
  
  
He pulled back and looked at her with a relieved smile.  
  
  
"You'll see, this won't change anything. Nothing except, I'm not helpless anymore. There are plenty of human monsters out there, Buffy. Tonight proved that." He told her holding her close.  
  
  
"Sometimes those are the scariest kind." She said softly.  
  
  
"Well, now I don't have to be afraid of them anymore." He said sincerely.  
  
  
She looked up at him.  
  
  
"Are you sure this is what you want?" She asked.  
  
  
"How can you even ask? Of course it's what I want. You are what I want." He told her softly as he kissed her again.  
  
  
"I believe you." She said softly taking his hand. She stood up and pulled him off the couch. Wordlessly, she led him up the stairs and into their room.  
  
  
The room was dark, but they could both see fine. All they were looking at was each other anyway. He took her in his arms and kissed her gently. She responded by wrapping her arms around his neck tightly. The kiss deepened and they made their way to the bed slowly.  
  
  
He gently placed her down and lay next to her. Lovemaking was not quite the same with her belly in the way, but it hadn't stopped them yet. She pulled his shirt off and touched his wound gently. It was already healing but he flinched a little at her touch. She leaned up and kissed it gently.  
  
  
"Is that all better now?" She asked him softly.  
  
  
"Much better." He whispered to her as he kissed her again.  
  
  
He reached over to her and pulled her nightgown over her head. The moonlight shone through the window and he could make out her silhouette. He ran his hands over her body and gently placed kisses across her stomach.  
  
  
He scooted up and began kissing her face and then slowly made his way down to her neck. He felt her tremble, but it wasn't in fear that he would try to bite her, it was in pleasure. She shifted her head to allow him freer access to the soft skin between her shoulder and her neck. It was a move of ultimate trust, he knew.  
  
  
She was showing him that she knew he would never harm her. He had her complete and utter trust, and he'd never betray it. He ran his tongue over the pulse point of her neck and quickly brought his mouth to hers once more.  
  
  
She rolled herself over and positioned herself on top of him, straddling his legs. She smiled and undid his pants and slid them off.  
  
  
She kissed his chest and his stomach while running her hands over his body. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up to meet his mouth again. Their tongues danced together and he gripped her arms tightly.  
  
  
"I love you." He whispered to her with passion in his voice. "I'll never let you down, I promise."  
  
  
"I know." She whispered back to him, as she covered his mouth with hers again.  
  
  
He lifted her up slightly and he could feel her warmth hovering above him. He thrust up to meet it and let it engulf him. He moaned with the pleasure of her body connecting with his. He watched her face as she continued to move above him. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. The way her face depicted her pleasure at his touch made him tingle.  
  
  
She is mine. That child is mine. All of this is mine...What possible reason would I have to return to a life of darkness and despair? I already have it all... He said to himself.  
  
*********************************************************************************************  
  
Lynok had observed his subjects with satisfaction. The vampire had made the right choice. He was pleased, though his journey was far from over. There would always be temptation in his way. It would be a struggle to stay on the correct path, but he had renewed confidence in the vampire.  
  
  
"Will he be strong enough to handle such temptation?" Assam asked him curiously.  
  
  
"I have the greatest faith in him. And she will continue to be his guide. You saw the way he was willing to risk pain this evening, just to help those poor souls in the market. He did not know it wouldn't hurt him to do so, yet he rose to the challenge. That's true change, my brother."  
  
  
Assam nodded his head in agreement.  
  
  
"I was fearing he would fail us then." Assam said quietly.  
  
  
"And he did not fail. You are always quick to think the worst, aren't you brother?" Lynok asked irritated.  
  
  
"I am supposed to doubt, it is my job." Assam smiled.  
  
  
"Well, I think it is safe to assume that the Balance is safe, and that the Rule of Three will not be hindered. It is a joyous time for celebration, not doubt. The universe is on course and for now we can merely watch as it unfolds." Lynok said with satisfaction.  
  
  
"I have no doubt that they will continue to surprise us." Assam said with a small chuckle. By far, these subjects had been more difficult than most, and also much more important to the world.  
  
  
"Yes, I have no doubt as well, for if their child is anything like they are, then I fear we are in for a long journey." Lynok said shaking his head.  
  
  
***********************************************************************************************  
  
Buffy and Spike had chosen not to tell anyone just yet about Spike's new condition. With the stress of the baby coming soon, Buffy didn't want to deal with pressing questions and accusations.   
  
  
Her friends had all accepted Spike by now. He was most definitely part of the family. But if they had any doubts, just as she had had at first, then they might not be as easily convinced. If she hadn't of trusted him completely, she would have told them, but right now she didn't want to get them in an uproar over what she felt was a non issue at this point.   
  
  
They both decided that after the baby came, and everything was settled, they would tell. Until then, it was just between them.  
  
  
The following months had seemed to pass excruciatingly slow for Buffy. She was now huge and couldn't wait to get this baby out of her. She sat on the couch now with her feet up, while Dawn was vacuuming around her.  
  
  
She sat lost in thought, knowing that it wouldn't be much longer and she would be a mother. The thought still made her dizzy to think about. She had read all the books and taken the classes, and still she felt completely unprepared.  
  
  
Spike had even gone to the classes with her. She laughed about the way he acted when they showed everyone the video of childbirth. He had looked away in disgust and asked Buffy he really needed to see this. She had laughed at him.  
  
  
"You spent a century amidst blood and carnage, and childbirth is giving you a wiggins?" She had laughed.  
  
  
He had only shrugged and said that this looked a lot more painful than any mayhem he had caused. She had sighed. He wasn't easily convinced that he should be with her when the baby was born. He said he'd just wait outside till it was over, but she had made it clear to him that that wasn't going to happen. He had finally relented.  
  
  
Now she just couldn't wait to have it over with. She was ready to have her body back. It was becoming increasingly uncomfortable to do anything anymore.  
  
  
Spike walked into the room and sat down next to her.  
  
  
"Hey. How are you feeling?" He asked her, touching her stomach.  
  
  
"I'm feeling huge and impatient. This was all supposed to be over with yesterday. My due date was yesterday. Why am I still pregnant?" She had asked him with a pout.  
  
  
"Pet, sometimes the days are a little off, that's all. I'm sure it will be any time now." He tried to reassure her.  
  
  
She had been extremely moody and hard to get along with lately. He knew she was just uncomfortable, but it was still trying to be around her sometimes.   
  
  
"The doctor told me we should have sex." She blurted out to him.  
  
  
He looked at her strangely.  
  
  
"Huh?"  
  
  
"He said that it might speed things up, make this baby come out faster. I think we should do it." She said firmly.  
  
  
"Right now?" He asked, looking at Dawn, who was still hard at work vacuuming.  
  
  
"Yes. I want to have sex now." She told him plainly.  
  
  
He laughed at her and shook his head.  
  
  
"You are starting to sound like Anya." He said with a smile.  
  
  
She rolled her eyes, but had to laugh. She did sound like Anya.  
  
  
"Well? Let's go." She told him grabbing his hand and pulling him up the stairs.  
  
  
Dawn watched them go and shook her head. She could still hear what they were talking about despite the noise of the vacuum. She silently decided that she'd save the upstairs for later.  
  
  
Buffy and Spike made love quickly and they lay there afterwards staring at the ceiling. She looked upset and he looked at her suddenly feeling insecure.  
  
  
"Was it that bad?" He asked, looking at her lying there pouting.  
  
  
"No. It's just that I don't feel any different. This thing is never coming out of me." She said with tears running down her face. She was an emotional wreck, and she knew it was just hormones and nerves. She was scared.  
  
  
He rolled over to her and held her tightly.  
  
  
"It will all be over soon." He whispered into her hair. "I'm sure the doctor didn't suggest that doing this would bring about instant childbirth. Maybe we need to do it again." He added with a smirk.  
  
  
She laughed at him through her tears. He was right. She didn't know what she was expecting. She just hoped that magically this would do the trick.  
  
  
"I don't think I'm up for another try right now. It's not as much fun as it used to be." She told him.  
  
  
He looked at her wounded.  
  
  
"What? I'm not good anymore?" He asked her with hurt in his voice.  
  
  
"No. Spike, it's not you. It's just I'm all fat and icky. I don't feel sexy anymore. Besides, the activities are a little limited due to my hugeness." She sighed sadly.  
  
  
He looked relieved to learn that his technique wasn't faltering, but he felt bad that she didn't feel desirable anymore.  
  
  
"You are still the sexiest woman I've ever seen. You'll see. Once you're back to your normal self again, I'll show you just how desirable you are." He purred to her kissing her ear.  
  
  
She snuggled in closer to him and sighed happily. He always knew how to make her feel better.  
  
  
"I better go back downstairs and fix something for dinner. Dawn's been Ms. Homemaker today, so I figure the least I can do is make dinner." She said, getting up and pulling her clothes back on.  
  
  
"You want help?" He asked her.  
  
  
"Okay." She smiled as she bent down to kiss him once more.  
  
__________________________________________________________  
  
  
Buffy stood in the kitchen cutting vegetables for a salad. Dawn was perched in a chair, while Spike was looking in the cabinet for a pan to put the chicken in. All of a sudden Buffy dropped her knife and looked up in astonishment. Dawn saw her face and rushed over to her.  
  
  
"Are you okay?" She asked.  
  
  
"Oh boy." Buffy said with a look of panic on her face.  
  
  
Spike turned around and held onto her, as she looked ready to topple over.  
  
  
"What's wrong?" He asked her concerned.  
  
  
"My water just broke." She said looking down at the small puddle on the floor beneath her.  
  
  
Dawn looked at them excitedly.  
  
  
"Oh, does this mean it's happening? The baby's coming?" She asked happily.  
  
  
Buffy nodded her head slowly and was suddenly gripped by a crippling pain. She clutched her stomach and doubled over. Spike held her up and tried to move her to a chair. She clutched onto his arm and he could feel her nails digging into him, but said nothing.  
  
  
"Oh god...What do I do?" He asked her frantically. Suddenly he just wasn't prepared for this moment at all.  
  
  
"Get my stuff and get the car ready." She said, as the pain subsided.  
  
  
"What should I do?" Dawn asked excitedly.  
  
  
"Call Giles, tell him to come over so he can be with you." She told her.  
  
  
"You mean, I don't get to go to the hospital?" She asked, hurt.  
  
  
"Dawn, this may take awhile, you know? Besides, it's boring at the hospital. Wouldn't you rather stay here?" She asked her, as she was suddenly engulfed with another pain. She cried out.  
  
  
Dawn reached out and tried to comfort her.   
  
  
"I want to be with you." She said softly.  
  
  
Buffy wasn't in the mood for a debate so she just nodded her head.  
  
  
"I'll go get my stuff. Are you okay here for a sec?" Dawn asked.  
  
  
"Yeah."  
  
  
Dawn ran out of the kitchen just as Spike was coming back in.   
  
  
"Okay. I put your bag in the car. Are you ready?" He asked her worriedly.  
  
  
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. They were tears from the pain she was in and also tears of sheer terror.  
  
  
"I'm not ready. I thought I was ready, but now I'm not. I'm scared." She cried to him.  
  
  
"You're gonna be fine. You are tough and strong. This'll be a piece of cake, Buffy. You've faced much scarier things than this. Hell, you've died. Birth is supposedly easier than that." He said with a small smile, trying to put her at ease.  
  
  
Another pain ripped through her body. She doubled over and moaned. He hated seeing her like this. He hated that he did this to her. Something that he put inside her was now trying to claw its way out, and causing her tremendous pain. He rushed to her side and put his arms around her.  
  
  
Dawn rushed in with her backpack and announced that she was ready. She'd make the phone calls from the hospital. Spike helped Buffy up and tried to walk her to the car. The pains were coming very quickly and it was hard for her to stand. He picked her up and carried her the rest of the way.  
  
  
"It's happening so fast. The doctor told me it would take hours, but it's happening now. I can feel it." She said, through her tears.  
  
  
Spike started to panic.  
  
  
"What? You mean it's coming now?" He said terrified.  
  
  
"Just hurry up and get to the hospital." She yelled at him.  
  
  
He put her in the backseat and Dawn got into the passenger side. As he slid behind the wheel, he heard Buffy scream in pain. It ripped right through him and he couldn't bear to hear it. He couldn't bear to know that she was hurting and he wasn't there to hold her.   
  
  
He looked at Dawn desperately.  
  
  
"I need to be back there with her. She's in pain. I can't bear it." He said with tears in his own eyes.  
  
  
"I can't drive, Spike. I don't have a license." She said looking at him nervously.  
  
  
"You've taken the class, right?" He asked her hurriedly.  
  
  
She nodded her head quickly. He handed the keys over to her.  
  
  
"Then drive." He said harshly.  
  
  
He climbed over the backseat and sat with Buffy. He cradled her head in his lap and stroked her hair. Dawn shifted into the drivers seat and took a deep breath. She had driven with the teacher, but that was controlled and safe. Making a mad dash to the hospital with her pregnant sister in the back was a little different.  
  
  
She turned the ignition and they started off. Surprisingly, they made it all in one piece. Dawn was actually a good driver, despite arguing with Spike the whole time. He kept urging her to go faster, and Buffy's screaming didn't help her nerves either. She figured if she could drive under these conditions, Buffy would have to let her get her license when she turned sixteen next month.  
  
  
Dawn pulled quickly into a parking spot, but didn't quite stop fast enough. She smashed into a parking pillar and winced.  
  
  
"So much for my perfect driving record." She muttered. Then she called over her shoulder, "Sorry about that."  
  
  
"Don't worry about it." Spike said, opening the door quickly and lifting Buffy out. He'd worry about the damage to his car later.  
  
  
They hurried into the hospital and the nurses quickly got Buffy into her room. Spike had to fill out the papers and then he rushed to join her. They had already hooked her up to machines and monitors by the time he made his way in. Dawn had gone to the cafeteria to get something to drink. She had wanted to be there, but she was having a hard time seeing Buffy so pained.   
  
  
Spike walked closer to her and felt his heart aching. She was writhing in pain, and he was helpless to do anything. He walked past the nurses and heard them talking.  
  
  
"She's almost fully dilated. It won't be long now." He heard a nurse whisper to another.  
  
  
Buffy cried out in pain again. As she did, she gripped the sides of her hospital bed and ripped them off. The nurses stood back shocked and horrified. Buffy didn't even seem to notice. They ran off to get the doctor.  
  
  
Spike kicked the railings out of his way and took her hand, hoping his arms wouldn't share the same fate as the bed rails. She looked at him through her agony.  
  
  
"I'm gonna have to pay for that, huh?" She asked forcing a smile through her lips.  
  
  
"Don't worry about it. I'm sure it's happened before." He told her with a smile.  
  
  
The doctor walked in and observed the bed. He shook his head and walked over.   
  
  
"I see you're a strong one." He chuckled. "It won't be long now, Buffy." He assured her.  
  
  
Buffy seemed to ignore him as another wave of pain struck her. Spike stood up and faced the doctor.  
  
  
"Do something for her, will you? Give her some drugs or something. We took the class, they said she could have drugs." He said irritated by the doctors pleasant smile. Buffy was in agony and he was just standing there.  
  
  
"It's too late for that, Mr...Uh, what was your name?" The doctor asked him politely.  
  
  
"My name is Spike, as in I'm gonna jam one through your eyeball if you don't make her pain stop!" He yelled, getting into the doctors face. He felt helpless and did the only thing he could do, which was get angry and lash out.  
  
  
The doctor stepped back from him nervously and Buffy grabbed Spike's arm.  
  
  
"Stop it, Spike! If you hurt the doctor, I'll never get this thing out." She said harshly.  
  
  
"Yes, mister, uh, Spike. I realize you don't like to see her like this, but if we gave her medication now, it might harm the baby." He tried to explain.  
  
  
He had seen a lot of people in his day, but this couple was definitely interesting. First she ripped their bed apart, and now her husband was threatening to poke his eyes out. Impending parenthood brought out the worst in people sometimes.  
  
  
Spike looked defeated and sat back down. He looked at Buffy with tears in his eyes.  
  
  
"I just hate seeing you like this. It kills me. Every time you scream, I feel like my heart is being ripped out, Buffy." He said to her sadly.  
  
  
She reached up and touched his face and tried to smile. Another pain hit her and she pulled back from him. The doctor examined her and determined that it was now time for her to push.  
  
  
The nurses got her into position and Spike stood back behind her gripping her shoulders. He felt nauseous, but he tried to be strong for her. After all, she was doing all the work. She began to push forcefully. With her added strength that belied her size, the doctor was astonished at how quickly the delivery was going.   
  
  
The doctor looked up at them and smiled.  
  
  
"I see the head. Would you like to watch your baby being born?" The doctor asked Spike with a smile.  
  
  
Spike looked at him as if he'd asked if he'd like to eat the baby. There was no way he was watching that. He already felt faint. He shook his head frantically. The doctor shrugged. With one more push, the baby came out screaming.  
  
  
"It's a girl." The doctor said proudly to the strange couple.  
  
  
Buffy started crying and Spike held onto her tightly.  
  
  
"It's over, pet. You did it." He whispered to her.  
  
  
The doctor wrapped the baby up and placed her in Buffy's arms. Spike looked at her wondrously. He couldn't believe that something that perfect and alive was his. He wanted to touch her but was afraid.  
  
  
Buffy reached out and grabbed his hand. She looked up at him with tears of joy in her eyes. She seemingly had forgotten about the pain already, which amazed him. A minute ago, she was screaming and now she appeared overjoyed.  
  
  
"This is our daughter." She whispered to him. "Our love made this."  
  
  
He couldn't help but weep at her words. He was being given the two greatest gifts that anyone would have wanted. Him, a vampire, with no soul. What he had done to deserve anything but eternal torment, he didn't know. He wasn't going to question it. Something he did must have been right. For once in his life, he must have done something right.  
  
  
Later, when Buffy was settled into her room, Spike sat by her bed watching the baby sleep in her arms. He had still not touched her, for fear he would hurt her, or she would simply fade away and he would wake up from the dream.  
  
  
"You want to hold her?" Buffy asked him with a smile.  
  
  
"No." He said quickly.  
  
  
Buffy looked at him and her smile faded. He was acting strangely, and she was worried that it was all too much for him. That maybe he decided that he wasn't cut out for this sort of life after all. She feared he might just decide to get up and leave them.  
  
  
He saw her fallen expression and he reached out to touch her face gently.  
  
  
"It's not that I don't want to. Buffy, I'm scared. What if I break her, or something?" He asked meekly.  
  
  
She smiled at him relieved he wasn't thinking of running. He was only nervous. But she had been too.  
  
  
"She won't break. She's a Slayer, remember? She's tough, like us." She told him comfortingly.  
  
  
He smiled at her and took a deep breath. He reached out and Buffy handed the baby to him. He took it gently and cradled it awkwardly in his arms. It all felt so unnatural to him. He looked down at the sleeping infant and smiled.  
  
  
"She's perfect. My god, she's perfect." He whispered in awe.  
  
  
"She looks like her daddy." Buffy said with a smile.  
  
  
"Daddy? I never thought anyone would call me that." He said shaking his head. Then it dawned on him. "What are we going to name her? We never decided on a name."  
  
  
"I know. I've been thinking about it a lot and I wanted it to mean something, you know? Something special, so that she would know how important she is to us and someday to everyone else. But I can't decide." Buffy said thoughtfully.  
  
  
Spike looked at the baby and stroked her tiny head.  
  
  
"I know what she means to me, Buffy. You both gave me a reason to change my life. You gave me that something I needed to keep fighting. After I found out about the chip, I could have gone another way. But I didn't. I couldn't. She means everything to me. She gave me hope that I had a chance in this life. A chance to be something good. She gave me hope, Buffy."  
  
  
Buffy smiled at his words, then reached out and touched the baby gently.  
  
  
"Hope. That's a nice name. We should call her Hope." She said softly.  
  
  
"I like that." He smiled back at her. "Did you hear that, little one? Your name is Hope." He whispered to the baby.  
  
  
He stood up and climbed into the bed with Buffy. He sat next to her holding their daughter. She put her arms around him and hugged him close.   
  
  
Hope was a perfect name for her. She had given Buffy hope that she would have the life she had always wanted, but feared she would never have. She had given Spike the hope that he had a place in this world. A place that wasn't evil and scary. A safe place in the world, where he was loved and where he belonged. And most importantly, this child was the hope for future.  
  
  
Her life was destined to be a great one. With her she carried the hope of the world. Buffy knew it was a tall order, but if this baby was anything like her parents, she could handle it. And they'd be right by her side. It was just the Chosen One anymore, or even Two, it was Three now. From here on out it was the three of them. The three of them against the world.  
  
  
  
The End~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
